"Are you autistic?"

[Anonymity1]

Do kids ask this nowadays as a genuine question, or is it an insult?

First time my kid heard the "A" word he thought it was a swear word (as it was used as such).

Since then the question has been asked by school (semi-seriously). And by other people, who, I don't know if they're being serious or trying to be nasty.

I don't really know what it means "to be autistic"... Or what people might be implicating etc. The two autistic kids we've known as a family have been good kids, yet my lad who's accused of being autistic seemed to think a the bad kids at school were autistic.

I'd appreciate any feedback on the language / understanding of autism in young people nowadays.

Is it just a new swear word?

Apologies if I've been offensive to anyone, I'm just trying to express things from my child's point of view, and understand.

Is it possible he is autistic? If so many people have mentioned it, including the school, is it because they are trying to help?

It is a bit of an insult at dc's school. Sadly. They try to educate them but there's a section of pupils who think it's funny :( My autistic dc is raging about that.

Unfortunately, yes, some young people will say "are you autistic?" the way "are you retarded?" used to be used.

But instead of saying to someone who did something foolish, they will usually say it if someone displays a lack of social skills or fails to grasp obvious sarcasm.

HOWEVER I have only seen this done by kids in early secondary school, never by adults and especially not by school staff. I would imagine if it is coming from teaching staff that it is a serious question, and they are flagging that he is a little different to his peers and may need some support.

Also note that although kids may be asking it is a nasty fashion, it can also be a genuine questions from other children. The same was asking "are you deaf?" can be used as a rhetorical question or as a genuine enquiry.

@Josette77

Is it possible he is autistic? If so many people have mentioned it, including the school, is it because they are trying to help?

Hard to know! You'd think school staff shouldn't joke about special needs but it's hard to know what their intentions are and what they're getting at when they suggested things like that, and only half hearty follow them up..

In the playground it will most likely be a taunt like gay used to be and neither are acceptable.

If members of staff are bringing it up then that's different.

I'm autistic. I'm not a bad person! It's a neurodevelopmental difference which mostly affects the way we interact with other people. You can look it up on the National Autistic Society website if you're concerned. Or else just ignore it.

I think you should research autism as much as you can and see if you think it could explain anything for your son, especially if he's having a hard time with his peers. And if the school have real concerns they should talk to you properly.

My husband was once asked if he was Autistic after he pointed out a colleague's grey hair and the guy thought it was socially innapropriate and got really offended. My husband is not Autistic though he can just be a bit tactless.

I think that using autistic as an insult or taunt should be dealt with as harshly as any racist or homophobic insults. It's disablist and completely inappropriate and unacceptable. I would kick up a huge fuss and expect the school to educate the children first but come down hard if this behaviour doesn't change.

The staff have asked your child?!? How old is he? Context is everything here.
I have worked with a lot of autistic children and would be fuming if I ever heard this used as an insult, I would be coming down on them like a ton of bricks and then educating them.

If a child asked it I would generally assume it was as an insult. I would never ask a child if they were autistic though I might ask a member of staff or a member of the SEN team if a student was displaying autistic traits.
I also would never associate it with bad behaviour. I can normally spot a child on the spectrum very quickly though from years of experience and would be looking for things like unusual accent and bluntness as well as particular focuses on certain topics. These traits are normally found in boys though and it is harder to detect autism in girls as they often mask their difficulties.

@GingerWithMustard

I think that using autistic as an insult or taunt should be dealt with as harshly as any racist or homophobic insults. It's disablist and completely inappropriate and unacceptable. I would kick up a huge fuss and expect the school to educate the children first but come down hard if this behaviour doesn't change.

Completely agree. It's just the latest variation on the 'R' word and needs dealing with immediately. Contact the school tomorrow and play merry hell. I sincerely hope you are listened to and taken seriously.