Aibu? Ex's behaviour will mess with the kids' heads.

8 replies

DickheadMcDickFromDickTown · 02/02/2022 22:57

Ex hasn't seen the kids since November 2020. He has not contacted kids. He has barely been in touch and for a long time insisted that he would have nothing to do with them until they were over 18. He has missed two birthdays. Suddenly he has agreed to come to another birthday but only when all the other relatives are present for a party. I'm thinking it will fuck with their heads once again. I would rather ongoing contact rather than him turning up like Santa in a birthday and then disappearing.

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 02/02/2022 23:01

Why are you still telling him about parties and things?

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 02/02/2022 23:02

‘Agreed to come to’? Why did you even invite him? I’d take him up in his word of not seeing them until they’re 18 otherwise he’ll drift in when he feels like it. Nope. Unless he’s coming to you with a total change of attitude and real commitment to ongoing regular contact. Dare I ask if he’s contributing financially?

MintJulia · 02/02/2022 23:10

How old are the dcs?
I'd insist on regular calm contact to be established before inviting him to any family event that he can spoil. It sounds like he's looking for an audience.

Arabellla · 02/02/2022 23:31

Suddenly he has agreed to come to another birthday

Who invited him?

He should not be welcome in your home.

Uninvite him asap.

Original poster

DickheadMcDickFromDickTown · 03/02/2022 00:00

The child invited him.

OP posts:

Original poster

DickheadMcDickFromDickTown · 03/02/2022 00:02

The child (who is now old enough to have a device) contacted him directly and he said be would come.

OP posts:

Arabellla · 03/02/2022 00:05

I would explain to the child that his father can’t come. You need to draw the line, as the adult.

ZL2014 · 03/02/2022 04:43

Personally I would think that if child is old enough to decide that they want to invite their farther that that is up to them but I would talk to them about trying not to expect too much from the relationship.
However by no means would I make the father feel comfortable.
And just be there for the child if they are let down.
I’d be concerned about the child thinking that you are the one blocking the relationship and let them see that you have been supportive of their decisions.
Difficult situation but think as long as you have your reasons then you have to do what is right for your child. Good luck to you x

Flip