To feel like I am trapped in this toxic cycle

[Askinforabaskin]

I feel like I am trapped in a toxic cycle of binge eating. I know it’s down to me and no one else. I know I am slowly killing myself and ruining my life.

For background I am 25, my BMI is mid 30s. Since childhood I have always been slightly chubby. I have a sporty background, since my late teens I have played rugby, hill walked and a few other sports. I even got really into running at one point and ran a half marathon.

But I have never been a healthy weight, because to be honest my diet is generally poor. At uni I had massive portions. Now I am in a reasonably stressful job I eat crap while I am out working and if it was up to me I’d have a take away every night.

I met my partner when I was at my fittest, he is generally healthier (although he has put on weight since moving in with me). We want to have a baby together but I am reluctant until I am in a healthier place. I know it’s crazy this alone should be able to motivate me, and it does for a couple of days, but I end up binging throughout the day in secret away from my partner.

I have successfully lost weight a few times before but I have to be strict with myself, I eventually get bored and think I can do it intuitively and then revert back. Usually putting on more weight. I do generally like cooking and I do eat lots of healthy things when I have prepared it, it’s just that I eat too much and also have unhealthy things while out. I know I should be preparing things but I never consistently do this.

It’s getting to the point now where it is really impacting my life. I feel unhealthy, my skin is getting bad, I lose breath climbing the stairs, I can barely do the sports I love, I can’t have a baby with the man I love. Tomorrow I wanted to dress semi smart for a work thing and barely any suitable clothes fit.

What clicked for you with your weight loss journey? What made you never go back? What saved your life?

I hear you. It’s bloody tough. It’s such a complex and difficult thing to unpick and address. I can successfully lose the weight but I always regain it at some point. Im hoping this will soon be a thing of the past.

I recently got an audio book by Allen Carr (the addiction guy not the comedian!) there are loads but I found ‘Allen Carr’s easy way to quit emotional eating’ incredibly helpful.

You absolutely can do it. Whether it’s via a method like Allen Carr’s or finding another support system… there’s a broad range of avenue to go down… but you can. Just don’t be hard on yourself. Self loathing is just a pointless distraction when it comes to binge eating.

Whilst it’s entirely your responsibility to stop, it is absolutely not your fault that this became your coping strategy.

Things that motivated me: understanding why I binge and understanding sugar and refined carbs and what they do to me. And a desperate desire not to pass this issue into my child.

I wish you all the luck in the world with both a healthy relationship with food and having a baby.

Ignore the previous rude poster.

I have always struggled with my weight too but I think I will take a look at what @amoobaa has suggested above. I hope it works out for you.

You may want to have the baby first and tackle it after all in one go.