To miss the beginning of a relationship

[thisisamericaa]

For context, DP and I have been together for 8 months. We are still pretty honeymoony and he treats me like gold. Our intimacy is insane, he tells me he loves me and is proud of me every day, he shows his love in so many ways. He always seems excited to see me.

I can’t help though, sometimes when I find old messages, but miss the initial excitement?

Like the whole initial expressions of feelings for each other, texting each other more frequently, first telling each other how we felt or how we missed each other, falling asleep on the phone, staying up until stupid o clock to text each other, the firsts of everything. I wouldn’t change how it was for the world but I think I’m probably just being a bit silly.

I love our relationship and not much has changed but sometimes I do miss it because it was so fast paced and exciting?? Is this normal?

Anyone?

Most of those things are within your power to rekindle. Send him more messages, tell him you love him and can’t wait to see him while he’s out at work etc. why has it all tailed off so quickly? I was with my XDP for nine years and we were still very much as you describe for many years. Perhaps helped by the fact we didn’t live together. Have you let the domesticity take over? Maybe try and do things separately or give each other room to miss each other?

Read The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck. There's a brilliant chapter in it on the difference between being 'in love' - that first rush of excitement, and actually loving - that long term depth of feeling. He made me realise I kept wanting the 'in love' feeling but as soon as I knew this, I stopped and finally started enjoying the calmer domestic life and depth of love. You can (and should) still have loads of adventures together and lots of romance but the manic phase doesn;t last. And what replaces it is way better.

I like this speech from Captain Corelli's Mandolin:

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness; it erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not a desire to mate every second of the day, it is not lying away imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. That is just "being in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!

Oh don’t get me wrong, we still tell each other every day how much we mean to each other and adore each other! I wouldn’t say it’s tailed off and we’re still very intimate. I just miss the excitement and the initial feelings and outbursts!

That’s a lovely quote @SC215 need to remind myself of it a lot more!

I just miss the excitement and the initial feelings and outbursts! But aren't those feelings because at that time in your life, falling in love was the Big Adventure. once you have fallen in love, you need to have other big adventures together. I think the more fun and adventure you have with your DP, the more you keep that feeling alive.