To not understand why I’m so negative

[Julia19871]

I’m just such a negative person unlike my DH who is unbelievably positive minded.

I have everything a person realistically needs, a safe house in a good area. Good stable job. Money in the bank. Some friends and family. But I just feel like there’s always something to be negative about. This is not about the house but just an example of my current mindset;

For example, in the house every time I go into a room I see the bad things. The chips on the skirting boards, the kitchen paint that isn’t quite the right colour. The rusty bit on the radiator. I think objectively our house is nice though I appreciate this makes it sound like a hovel!

I think I should have started investing more into my pension younger, that I should have been smart enough to put savings into the stock market in 2020 when we’ve seen huge gains.

Basically even though we’re absolutely fine and by many standard comfortable, I always feel like I could have made better decisions, been smarter, given my family a better life.

How do I break this negative thought pattern?

In terms of counselling CBT is very effective at helping with this sort of negative automatic thoughts.

It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of negative self talk. I’d recommend looking at self compassion - Paul Gilbert particularly.
I got quite negative due to mental health issues/historical family stuff and looking into self compassion and talking to a person centred counsellor made a lot of difference.

[quote Julia19871]@Sh05 I definitely will do. Recently (last year or so) I’ve really cut down my meat, fish and dairy consumption for ethical/climate change considerations. Probably eat vegetarian 5 days a week and dairy free except 🧀

TBH I’m also drinking more and more which I have just seen decreases B12 too.

Will try a supplement! Thank you, I know you said a bit ‘out there’ but I’m willing to try anything x[/quote]
Don't forget your D3. Biggest game changer for me, especially in the winter months. Hopefully your diet will help too. My moods, especially hormone related ones really improved after going vegetarian.

I can really relate to this too

Joining you all.
I believe mine is from being raised by a very negative pessimistic single parent ( toxic too) . They were raised also by a toxic parent.Both had had traumatic life events happen to them which changed their view of the world.. but we are talking of having been subjected to nearly 50 years of pessimism.
I’ve tried to reverse it but it’s an internal battle with myself an trying not to sound like said parent.
Since a traumatic life event in early years happening to me, I’ve never been able to live life freely, always risk assessing everything in my life and the outcomes/effects.It doesn’t even come from fear of things because I do feel a bit “meh so what” if it happens it happens, but something goes on behind the scenes in that tiny reptilian part of my brain!
I’m finding as I’m getting older , the energy to keep that internal chatter up tiring and do give in more to resting or knowing I need to be kind to myself.
It’s bloody hard work though isn’t it?

I could have written this. It's exhausting. I've got so much worse over the last two years.
I have essentially turned into my mother, who I love, but who can be exhausting too! I don't want to be this way. I don't want to get so worked up all the time. I want to be the laid back person who doesn't lose her shit if the house is a little untidy.
Hopefully, your thread will give good advice to all who need it.

DH is like this and I find it so draining to live with, I have to say. Always thinks everything could be better, or that other people have more than us. It’s hard work. We have a lovely house, and excellent jobs, great kids. In his case it comes from his dad, who brought him up telling him he should be striving for perfection and anything less isn’t good enough.
Anyway, I think counselling isn’t a good idea if only for your DH’s sake. As a positive person he must find it draining too!

@Julia19871
You're right, I'm on bit D3 capsules, iron and folic acid.
I'd just never joined the dots that a vitamin deficiency could effect my mood and how motivated I felt.

I'm naturally very optimistic and aware I have very rose tinted glasses about the past. It comes with its own problems but it's quite a nice place to be.

I think its mostly innate, but I work in a job where I see awful things each day and feel very grateful for the health of myself and my family. I also grew up in a house which was very negative, lot of drama and blowing up of emotions. I really hate that and am aware I minimise situations prob too much and could do with raising if I'm not happy with something more. I'm known as very laid back and relaxed - it's rare I get worked up / negative about something again I almost underreact on purpose.

My DH is very negative - tends to worse when he us stressed. Remote fun he has the easier he is to live with.

This is me too. But I'm also a very optimistic person. I think if you constantly have high hopes and high expectations you hit the ground more often than others?

I could have written this too though "I rarely let loose and enjoy myself totally...as I'm too busy analysing what's going on around me and usually that results in me thinking it's objectively crap". I remember going to a.baby group and the leader saying babies only live on the moment and so you have too and it felt very liberating.

Sorry OP, that's not very helpful, but know you're not alone

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. Your first example would say to me that you're a perfectionist. As for your 2nd example, well...its easy with hindsight isn't it.
Maybe try to reframe your thoughts, see if they truly are negative. Might not be as bad as you think.

Recognition of the problem thoughts. Then stopping that thought partly by recognizing it. Then turning it around by replacing it with an opposite or positive thought.

Smile as you go through this process.

I do this too.
It 100% comes from my parents as they are negative about everything. Literally nothing is ever good enough for them.

It’s really hard to switch up your internal voice from negative to positive.

I’ll be following to see some tips/suggestions for myself. Just wanted to know you aren’t alone in feeling like that.

God if you had my life you'd be fucked.

Comparison is the thief of joy.