To ask you to help me choose a job...

[JobDilemmaMum]

In a job currently, TTO, part time, okay pay around £1250 pm. Retraining via Masters starting September 2022 and current job supportive. Great Mat leave and good security. Been there 5 years. One DC age 20months and will have another towards end of Masters I reckon.

Interviewed for a job as I was feeling a bit meh about current one. Got the job. It will be good for my career, rewarding also I imagine if not much more stressful.
Not term time, slightly more pay part time but will work out probs similar if I take my current TTO holidays into consideration. It's a well respected company. It's also one or two evening a week as well as one evening when I start masters part time so that's 3 evenings I'm out and DH will have to do alone with DC.

I'm torn because my current job will probably have a better masters/work/life/family/social balance than this new one but the new one is quite sought after and rare.

What would you do?

Also if it helps, we've recently returned to the office once/twice a week which has helped me feel a bit less meh about current job but I'd already applied for new one before then...

Bump? Come on AIBUers I need your help 😖

Well what’s the plan after the masters/second baby? You said you were retraining. What the point in the extra stress and worse work-life balance? Does it matter that it’s sought after if your leaving this career behind soon? Also - MUST you have a second baby then? I.e. if this job really excites you, might you postpone that?

You’re* leaving - sorry

Thanks for responding @ABitOfAShitShow
So the new job and my current job are in linked industries, as is the Masters I will do (could be used with a variety of roles and across both industries).

This is why I'm torn, I've interviewed for a job that rarely comes up but I've got such a flexible role and a good work/life balance that now I'm questioning whether I should rock the boat for myself and my family.

Also, ideally I'd have a 2nd baby sooner! But have decided to leave it a coupon of years as the idea of starting a Masters with a newborn is terrifying!

It’s tough dilemma. I’d say go for the new job but not if you’re going to end up frazzled. But do you really know you would be?

I’m going to say 2 things. 1) I think you want the new job or you wouldn’t be finding this so hard. But I don’t know you so feel free to tell me I’m wrong. 2) Go with your gut. It is always right.

Actually, I thought about it as I was brushing my teeth and I’ve got a third thing.

3. Ask yourself if, should you not take the opportunity, you’ll look back in 5 years and kick yourself.

I've done a similar job in the past and did end up burnt out unwell which is why I chose my current job.

I know the new job will be hard on the family because it will mean more evenings for husband as when I start masters that's once a week in evening also.

Which means I won't often see my DC except 1 weekend day and an hour on an evening twice a week or so.

As the new job has a weekend shift as well.

Argh. I'm torn. Better make a decision as I need to let them know. I'm erring towards not accepting actually

I think only seeing your young child so little would be the deal breaker for me. Plenty of time when they are bigger and it will feel less of a pull to work weekends for example. I’d wait, have another child and review the options again in a few years when your ready to fully embrace the career ladder again. Maybe it shouldn’t be this way but I think women’s mental health suffers if not…

I'm going to go against the grain here, as the new job sounds like a great opportunity if you are naturally well organised and have a partner who is completely supportive and whose work enables them to always pick up from school/nursery etc. Otherwise it could be right job wrong time. You are already balancing several variables with the Masters too. That will be a lot of work at times. Don't underestimate the cost to your mental health of juggling evening work and study with a small child. I work in MH and this kind of situation can totally work, but equally it is very stressful and sometimes doesn't. Sorry to be negative, but maybe take a moment to think about whether the new job is realistic right now?

Thank you all - @mycatthinksshesatiger That's a great way to summarise actually. Right job wrong time. I feel that I've wasted everyone's time applying for it, including my own (very rigorous and time consuming interview process!)

My husband would completely support me but he would do anything I ask in that way without questioning the impact on himself at all. He has a fairly flexible job as he does nursery pick ups but he's out of area a few times a week and if doesn't by chance get back in time then that impacts badly on DD potentially if I am not around and readily available to get her.

@icklekid That's what I'm thinking. I suffer from FOMO with stuff like this, and I always think what if there's never ever an opportunity like this which is a bit ridiculous as at some point in the next 5 years there surely will be!

I just feel daft as I'm in a fantastic job for a parent and many would bite my arm off for year round paid TTO working with loads of flexibility and home working, and a supportive team.

@JobDilemmaMum what you say makes perfect sense. Better to stick with a situation that works and gives you a balanced work and home life than taking a 'dream' job that might become more of a nightmare if the plates prove too hard to spin. Work will always be there, but your mental health and family time are precious and can only be squeezed so much. Sometimes you need to investigate the grass that looks greener to realise it's just a different shade of the same

Stick with current job get your masters. Approach new job in a few years to see if they have anything going.

I wouldn't like having just one weekend day with my child, but I suspect you've confused us a bit in the description. It is unlikely that a job you describe as "slightly more pay part time" is 5 days + 2 evenings + evening at Masters + presumably a weekend day working on the Masters. Do you get any daytimes at home with the DC instead? Is there any flexibility to do fewer evenings at the new job? Can you do the masters as a day release instead?

@JustUseTheDoorSanta So to clarify, my current job is 30 hrs very flexible Monday to Thursday as-long as I do those hours it's all good. Morning/Day/Evening whatever.

New job is 30 hours. But have to do one evening shift and one weekend shift. Also lose term time only holidays. And coupled with my Masters which involves unpaid placement I will be doing extra days/eves to an unknown level as of yet. Current job is v flexible to work around this but new job is not tried and tested, they say they will do their best to support but as it's a more hands on role no WFH etc I imagine if it's a hard time in the business they may not be able to but won't say this.

@Tiramysu That's what I'm thinking I've just got an awful anxious feeling about turning it down as I feel like a time waster!

@mycatthinksshesatiger That's a perfect way to summarise re the grass being greener and makes me feel a bit better. I wish I'd never gone for it now 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ok, so one evening is how long, and does it follow a day shift so massively compressing those 30 hours? Weekend day 8 hours? How many days in the week and is there flex on that? What's the actual pattern? If you have placememt for the masters then that's the same for both surely?

You're seeing the extra time at work (evening + weekend), but I think you aren't seeing the time that frees up which is NOT at work. Actually it could be great for your DD, because you'd potentially be able to have her at home an extra day to do fun activities, plus a day to work on your masters quietly at home (much easier to study in the day than the evening after work).

So your Masters is p/t? Over how many years? Presumably you are funding it yourself? As someone who has recently completed an MSc I'd say better the devil you know - if that devil leaves you with time and flexibility to study and maintain a decent family life.

When you say the new role is sought after is it unlikely to ever come up again? Will your masters not open up other opportunities in the field?

@JustUseTheDoorSanta one evening at the new job would be 12-8 pm. And yeah that's a good point re different flexibility. 2 days are not flexible though as my parents have her that day and can only have those days due to their work and they'd like to continue seeing her weekly. But 2 days are nursery and I'm sure I could change those days or drop them slightly if needed

@KeepYaHeadUp Part time 3 years and self funded yes via PG loan hopefully!

And in terms of new roles opening up yes they definitely would as it's a very usable masters in my line of work coupled with my current experience.

I also potentially have another role now where I could do 2 hrs evening work per week and gain the equivalent of the shortfall I'm missing if I don't take this new job!

I'm going to have to sit and hash it out with DH clearly

Also @JustUseTheDoorSanta I have term time holidays now so I do also have all that flexibility for doing masters work then as DD still goes to nursery as it's a year round place and no TTO option so regardless she goes if I'm off work so have 13 weeks of no child in the day time at the moment and for the next 2/3 years