Is it normal for a boyfriend to always be mentioning his co parenting ex ?

[Ifandbutts]

My new partner was with his ex for 0ver 20 years & they co parent their teenager . I also co parent my kids . After being on my own for a couple of years I’ve jumped back in the dating pool . Is this normal for someone to always be mentioning so many memories & times shared with their ex to their new partner ? I wouldn’t describe myself as a jealous person ..but question if this is healthy & just means he’s simply deep down so desperately still so in love with her ( she left him over 5 years ago ) .

Absolutely not

Whats the context? Talking about a specific activity (e.g. skiing) or interest (e.g. knitting) or place (e.g. holiday location) - of course it is not unreasonable to mention that you might have done that/tried that/been there/seen that etc with your ex of 20 years (!! a big chunk of your life) and what it was like, whether you would want to do it again (or not) etc.

Just randomly coming up with stuff like 'Oh I thought of that time me and ex did [insert here] earlier'. Yeah a bit weird.

Context needed

things that have happened on holidays previous family get togethers and a few current conversations of what she’s been up to & her opinions on things . Maybe they just have a close friendship bond as exes ? Not sure if I’m being naive/jealous or interrupting as a new partner on the scene now & trying to work out if I’m ok with living in someone’s shadow it feels .maybe he doesn’t realise how much he mentions her or doesn’t care

No. What’s he playing at? I’d be bored rigid by this. What would happen if you responded “alright Kevin, I’m dating you not your ex, let’s talk about something else”? Try that a few times in a row and see if he knocks it on the head.

Sounds ok to me. They were together 20 years and have a child and history. I would rather that than a partner who is constantly fighting with his ex.

I would find that off putting.

But you're obviously not ok with it? Don't try and rationalise it on your first date getting back in. If it comes up a couple more times maybe reflect on if you're jealous. But why stick with it if you're getting an off vibe?

I think you have to trust your instinct on this. Does he come across as
A) a bloke who is friends w his ex, with whom he has a long shared history
B) A bloke still in love with his ex

If you aren’t sure ask him to reduce the refs, if they are just friends this won’t be huge issue

Nope, not good. In any case, if it upsets you, ask him to stop.

I think you could suggest to him that you have a 'co-parenting-ex-free' evening. I daresay he doesn't realise he is always going on about her. To mention her occasionally when relevant is OK but he obviously says too much.