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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sibling rivalry or is he just bitter and jealous?

16 replies

stillwaitingonaring · 02/02/2022 15:57

Does anyone else have a close friend or family member like this? I can't get over how odd it is. I have wrote a thread about BIL before and his weird behaviour but today just made me realise that he is really bitter.

He has been putting us down forever about our car, our registry office wedding and so many other things. we finally purchased a new car yesterday as we have number 3 on the way. OH was excited to show BIL because he's always calling our 15 plate car an (old banger) it wasn't we loved it and it did 150k miles before we sold it and never gave us any problems. Anyway BIL didn't even want to come outside and have a look at it and just looked through the window and said "yeah it's nice"

He made some comments last week saying why don't we just get something cheap or go to a dodgy car dealer. It's like he wants us to be below him or something I can't understand it?

When he got his car we was happy for him and even went out with him on a drive.

I have distanced myself from him and he has said this to OH but I just can't bare it feels like everything is a competition with him.

Does anyone else have a sibling or friend like this? I'm not sure if it's just a sibling thing or what but it's making me not want to be around him anymore.

OP posts:

Hillarious · 02/02/2022 16:18

No.

JohnStonesMissus · 02/02/2022 16:20

I've no advice but he sounds a right knob..

Mummytobe93 · 02/02/2022 16:20

Is it the BIL who was obsessed about your baby?

Arabellla · 02/02/2022 16:21

Think your BIL is on the thread! 😂

Arabellla · 02/02/2022 16:22

But seriously, yes, he sounds jealous and you were right to distance yourself.

He wants you to stay down so he can look down on you.

YellowLemonz · 02/02/2022 16:23

Some people create their own happiness by putting others down.

Distance yourself.

RedToothBrush · 02/02/2022 16:30

Oh god yes.

PeakyBlender · 02/02/2022 16:32

Yes he's a dick.

Undecided1985 · 02/02/2022 16:45

SIL 100% like this even as a middle aged woman behaves like a spoilt jealous toddler not a good look on anyone over the age of 4😄

if every and i mean every bit of attention & praise isnt directed her way she is furious Many examples of horrendous behaviour i wont go into. All of course indulged for far too long by MIL who i suspect is actually quite uncomfortable with ever mentioning anything. Even DH put up with it but when kids came along his tolerance for it disappeared.

Sad really as if MIL dies cant see DH bothering at all with SIL - and it will mainly be SIL loss - as he is her only other blood relative. DH even corrected DS when he got a excited about a xmas gift from SIL and DH said well we she has put no effort in you know we just give SIL the idea and she buys she is very wealthy and can easily afford it - it is really your mums side of the family that do far more for you than she does so never forget that!

Undecided1985 · 02/02/2022 16:47

Should say we live a few hours from MIL and SIL so luckily dont really have to bother much which is lucky

WonderfulYou · 02/02/2022 16:58

My sister is like this.

They both make more money than me and could easily afford fancy things but she’ll stop talking to me if I happen to buy myself something new.

She got a new car and we all had to go over and celebrate it. I got one and 2 years later she still won’t acknowledge it even though hers is worth more than twice the amount.

Some people just can’t help being jealous even if they have better things than you.

Undecided1985 · 02/02/2022 17:03

WonderfulYou - exactly type of thing SIL wld do😄

Original poster

stillwaitingonaring · 02/02/2022 17:12

It's very sad I've never known anything like it! He always needs to one up on us or belittle us in some kind of way.

@WonderfulYou do you have a close relationship with her? I just don't know how we can be close with him anymore if he's not really on our side kind of thing. We have supported him through so much and their is nothing in return but OH seems to feel sorry for him.

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 02/02/2022 17:22

Yes I am quite close to her just because she’s great in every other way.

Although I’m closer to my brother who is like me and is happy for that person if they get something new. But my brother doesn’t have anything to do with our sister.

It depends what your BIL is like in other areas I guess.
I would love to call him out on it and just be like - why don’t you want to come and see the car are you jealous?
But then it could ruin your relationship.

I think distancing yourself is a good idea.

camperqueen54 · 02/02/2022 17:47

My FIL (step) like this. When we bought our new home he refused to come and see it and has never been since! He's a small minded man!

Lollyloup · 02/02/2023 15:07

Hi OP, my BIL is like this and funnily enough I was just about to write a post and then I came across yours!

Basically I think it comes down to them being insecure and afraid of being outdone by other people. It shows that they rate that part of life much higher than they do family relationships or enjoying nature/walks etc if that doesn't sound silly, or a really bad way of explaining it.
It's all about appearances. And what's f**king annoying is that they will never change and never realise.
The best thing you can do is avoid when possible, and when you do have to see him just constantly remind yourself in your head that every time he does it it just proves you right, try and make is a satisfying experience rather than an annoying one.
I totally understand where you're coming from though and sending solidarity!

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