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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The self entitlement. Would you be annoyed?

17 replies

Userno12345 · 02/02/2022 14:07

I know the current crisis within the nhs and waiting times etc are frustrating, I'm not dismissing that. Nhs staff are amazing but so overstretched.

I have a relative. A relative who's been waiting for a non urgent procedure for a while. I know it's really frustrating to wait but they are acting so self entitled. They are ringing every day to asked to be bumped up the list as they should be 'top of the list'. It's not a matter of life or death for them, annoying - yes, life threatening - no!

My own Dd has been waiting for several months for a non urgent app. It's finally come through and my family member has been quite awful saying well why does your Dd get to be seen first - I mean wtaf! It's two totally different departments - couldn't get any different issues! 😅 We've been waiting since September, I chased up if the referral had been made (don't trust my doctors) but other than that I have left it and just waited it out!

If I was on person dealing with a person who was ringing every damn day waiting to be seen and acting rude, I would have to bite my bloody lip.

I would understand more if their life depended on it - but it doesn't.

They've been moaning again as a family friend has had an appointment come through sooner but again, another totally different department!! You can't compare wait times between different departments. The family friend is also quite poorly. My relative is not!

Would you be annoyed?

This is my parent and I don't think I've inherited the self entitlement!

They think it's as simple as magically opening up appointments 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure there are thousands of other people waiting for the same. Just have to wait your turn!

Urgent cases obviously get seen sooner! They aren't urgently in need!

OP posts:

T00Ts · 02/02/2022 14:11

It might be non-life threatening but if it’s a knee replacement for example, it can be quite limiting and painful. Waiting a long time is always frustrating, even if you don’t think their condition is that important.

I may not support how they’re conducting themselves, but I can understand frustration when you’re desperate to get something sorted and live normally again, but the redeployment of NHS staff during Covid has caused huge backlogs on top of already overloaded waiting lists.

Littlehouseonthefairy · 02/02/2022 14:11

Well yes there are queues and they are much longer than they should be. I don't think your parent being impatient is worth you getting angry about. Could you suggest they go private?

ShirleyPhallus · 02/02/2022 14:14

What’s the procedure?

“Annoying but not life threatening” could mean anything and doesn’t mean they’re not in pain / scared etc etc. difficult to comment without knowing what it is

rhowton · 02/02/2022 14:14

I was waiting for an appointment and knew the waiting list would be 5 months at least, so I called every day asking for a cancellation. By day 5 they were so sick of me that they took my number and said they would call me. 3 days later they called for a cancellation and I had my appointment the next day. Perseverance will pay off!

Original poster

Userno12345 · 02/02/2022 14:15

I'm not angry. I'm upset they are comparing Dd getting an appointment before theirs being sarky about it despite that we've waited ages too! It's two totally different things.

I can understand their frustration. I'm just annoyed that they seem to act so self entitled over it when there's so many waiting for the same or more urgent.

OP posts:

SheWoreYellow · 02/02/2022 14:16

The person who referred them will have classified it as urgent (if they thought it was). The relative phoning up won’t change the position on the list.

MerryMarigold · 02/02/2022 14:17

My 11yo DD (now 13) had to wait 1.5 years for an appointment to see a specialist. It wasn't life threatening. She could walk. It caused pain to do any Sports. The GP couldn't advise on any of it. I was pretty frustrated for her and I did chase a few times. So I don't think it's completely entitled. What's not ok it's complaining about people in different departments and with different illnesses being seen sooner.

MorningStarling · 02/02/2022 14:18

Is it really self-entitlement to expect a good standard of care from the NHS?

Unrealistic maybe, but we should be aiming for a system where nobody has to live with a life-limiting or life-threatening illness indefinitely.

Original poster

Userno12345 · 02/02/2022 14:21

I'm not dismissing their frustration at it, I can understand that. It's their attitude and constantly comparing their wait to other people's waits for totally different things! I can't really say what it is as don't want people guessing who I am, but I would imagine it's a very common procedure and the waiting list must be huge!

OP posts:

FourTeaFallOut · 02/02/2022 14:21

I'm upset they are comparing Dd getting an appointment before theirs being sarky about it despite that we've waited ages too! It's two totally different things

Is this resentment towards your dd something you would have expected from your parent in other times?

Original poster

Userno12345 · 02/02/2022 14:25

@FourTeaFallOut

I'm upset they are comparing Dd getting an appointment before theirs being sarky about it despite that we've waited ages too! It's two totally different things

Is this resentment towards your dd something you would have expected from your parent in other times?

In some ways yes! My parents can be quite hard work but it's not something I want to get into now!

With absolutely everything they seem to think they are the most entitled both health wise and not health wise! Always has to be in the 'worst' situation compared to everyone else!

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2022 14:25

Well it’s a bit much to be complaining your own grandchild has an appointment! I wouldn’t think much of that.

I can understand their frustration at not being seen though. I just hope they don’t vote Tory as that’s where the blame lies!

rookiemere · 02/02/2022 14:27

I get it OP, my DM used to be a doctor so she knows all the tricks to get to the front of the queue and seems to expect a gold plated service from the NHS.
It's frustrating as I suspect by the time I'm retired we'll be lucky to have any NHS at all.

Original poster

Userno12345 · 02/02/2022 14:31

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Well it’s a bit much to be complaining your own grandchild has an appointment! I wouldn’t think much of that.

I can understand their frustration at not being seen though. I just hope they don’t vote Tory as that’s where the blame lies!

Oh yes, my mum supports the Tories which is the worst thing! I used to be a Tory supporter, not no more. I'm not keen on the alternatives either though...

OP posts:

Original poster

Userno12345 · 02/02/2022 14:35

I would not be annoyed at all if they managed to jump the queue, that's not the point of my post. The post was about the attitude of self entitlement and them thinking the nhs could just magic up appointments, my parents saying well maybe they could just 'squeeze us in'. They've had the initial first app, but waiting for date for the actual procedure so unfortunately it's just sitting tight and waiting for their turn! 🤞

OP posts:

ShaneTwane · 02/02/2022 14:36

I think yabu for the fact that just because it isn't life threatening doesn't mean it isn't having a huge detrimental impact on their life and they want it dealt with. They are not being unreasonable for wanting a needed procedure done quicker.

T00Ts · 02/02/2022 14:41

I can't really say what it is as don't want people guessing who I am, but I would imagine it's a very common procedure and the waiting list must be huge!

If it’s a ‘very common procedure’ how would saying what it is lead to people identifying you? Is it because if you tell us what it is, you think you’ll lose support because people will say how debilitating it is?

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