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Original poster

How can I kick myself up the arse and be happy?

15 replies

sadandcrazy · 02/02/2022 12:14

So I'm a long time sufferer of low level depression. I am in the position I thought I'd always wanted, lovely husband, 2 amazing children and a nice house. Why am I not happy? I have been to Gp in past and I'm on citalopram. I just have an overwhelming sense of loneliness and emptiness. Has anyone else been in this position? How can I actually enjoy my life? I feel like I should love my life but I just can't. Please give me some hints. I'm so rock bottom and feel guilty as it makes no sense to me.

OP posts:
Scottishflower65 · 02/02/2022 21:17

Could you try regular outside walking, regular yoga, and some meditation? These are the activities that make the difference for me.

HermioneWeasley · 02/02/2022 21:18

Do you do anything that reinforces your good fortune - volunteering or charity work for example

Welldarn · 02/02/2022 21:23

Someone once told me the secret to happiness is always having something to look forward to. Small things, going for a coffee and chat with a friend, half an hour of peace to read a book, going for a walk. Or bigger things to look forward to, like a haircut or facial or a day shopping or going out for a meal or to the movies. You always need to have small things and bigger things to look forward to.

It has worked for me for the last 30 years. Keeps me happier when I am stressed to know there is something to look forward to.

HedWrek · 02/02/2022 21:33

I watched a Netflix with Beene Brown the other day called ‘Call to Courage’ which has made me think. A few things she said about ‘the stories we tell ourselves’ and being vulnerable have been making me think about how I react to things. She also does some TED talks. May not quite answer what you’re asking but helpful to step Out and think how you’re reacting maybe. Lx

thesunwillout · 02/02/2022 21:35

Perhaps the citalopram isn't the right med for you?

Starting there could lift you a little.

Echhart Tolle, on YouTube, gentle mindful talks.

Helps me not be so hard on myself.

X

ChocolateHelps · 02/02/2022 22:10

We are social creatures. We are not meant to live in such isolated way. Find a group. Find a purpose. Volunteering can be a great place to find purpose and meaning. Or a women's group. Or a choir!

Find something you love and do more of it

Get a project. Learn a new skill. Take up a hobby. Book a few days out our theatre or cinema to look forward to. Try adrenaline things. Book a hot air balloon ride. Do a tandem sky dive. Take up running. Do. Something.

The pandemic has increased everyone's fear of the unknown and unseen and reduced our contact with others. It's no surprise that so many people are depressed. You still have agency to help yourself. Try something new. Try therapy. The happier you are, the happier your whole family will be. It will be an effort. But you would want you children to be happy, so making yourself more happy does this. Good luck

AllTheYoungGoodyTwoShoes · 02/02/2022 22:56

You said you feel lonely, do you work, do you have anyone close to speak to, if you can't discuss it with your husband.
What interests do you have, can you join a club. You will at least have something in common with other people at the group or class.

PigeonLittle · 02/02/2022 22:58

Same Flowers

PigeonLittle · 02/02/2022 22:59

@HedWrek

I watched a Netflix with Beene Brown the other day called ‘Call to Courage’ which has made me think. A few things she said about ‘the stories we tell ourselves’ and being vulnerable have been making me think about how I react to things. She also does some TED talks. May not quite answer what you’re asking but helpful to step Out and think how you’re reacting maybe. Lx
Her books are amazing too, I listen to them on Audible.
hivemindneeded · 02/02/2022 23:15

OP, I've struggled with depression long term too.

My way out was to try everything anyone ever said helped, all at once.

So I

  • took loads of supplements: Vitamin D, B-complex, tyrosine and iron
  • started exercising a lot, in the fresh air as often as possible.
  • spent regular time in nature - feeding birds and foxes, walking in the woods etc whenever possible
  • did 10-30 mins of meditation or affirmations every day
  • did yoga at least once a week.
  • made a bucket list of things small and large that I have always wanted to do and made sure I did at least one a week
  • did something new every day, something I'd never done before, or something that scared me, that I put off
  • started volunteering at a food bank, so I felt a bit more useful
  • dropped contact with people who drained or bullied me
made sure I had something in the diary to look forward to each weekend, each month and each year - small, medium and large things
  • played my favourite upbeat music every day and watched comedies and upbeat films or stand up sets often
  • cut back on the news
  • kept a gratitude journal, and a journal of small daily achievements
  • focused a lot on what I wanted for my DC, and on doing things I wanted to do with them
  • read self help books and blogs, watched self-help Ted talks
  • did CBT counselling and signed up for Mood Gym
  • practised self care - daily showers, fresh food, lots of water, made an effort with clothes and make up.

After about 3 months the fog lifted, after about six months I came off medication and I've stayed off it ever since. I get dips sometimes - had one recently but now I can handle them as well as someone who isn;t depressive, if they have a dip.
It's a lot of effort but much of it is quite enjoyable or interesting in itself - after all, the aim is to have more fun in life and enjoy it more, so it's a challenge that pays off.

Sedai · 02/02/2022 23:28

@Welldarn

Someone once told me the secret to happiness is always having something to look forward to. Small things, going for a coffee and chat with a friend, half an hour of peace to read a book, going for a walk. Or bigger things to look forward to, like a haircut or facial or a day shopping or going out for a meal or to the movies. You always need to have small things and bigger things to look forward to.

It has worked for me for the last 30 years. Keeps me happier when I am stressed to know there is something to look forward to.

This. This is what I do, and it works!
altercrisp · 02/02/2022 23:34

@ChocolateHelps

We are social creatures. We are not meant to live in such isolated way. Find a group. Find a purpose. Volunteering can be a great place to find purpose and meaning. Or a women's group. Or a choir!

Find something you love and do more of it

Get a project. Learn a new skill. Take up a hobby. Book a few days out our theatre or cinema to look forward to. Try adrenaline things. Book a hot air balloon ride. Do a tandem sky dive. Take up running. Do. Something.

The pandemic has increased everyone's fear of the unknown and unseen and reduced our contact with others. It's no surprise that so many people are depressed. You still have agency to help yourself. Try something new. Try therapy. The happier you are, the happier your whole family will be. It will be an effort. But you would want you children to be happy, so making yourself more happy does this. Good luck

Love this post
LancaLass · 03/02/2022 00:25

As someone who has suffered with depression and anxiety I think taking small steps can make a massive difference. Might not be realistic for you (if you are working that is) but I changed jobs, I only have one child who is now technically an adult, so this may be different to your situation. I have also started eating better much more veg and trying to lose weight. This may not apply to you of course.
I don't have a husband or my own house though. I recently took a test and it showed me I have autistic traits which looking back I think is very possible and has affected how I have lived my life. I am in my 40s now but looking back it shocks me how much I have masked things. This isn't GP diagnosed by the way. But I often struggled with my mental health and I wonder given you feel you are in a good position maybe there are other things you haven't considered. But I think if you feel so low you should contact your GP. I have taken citalopram and it has been much better for me after trying alternative. I also advocate being in nature and getting out as much as possible. But sometimes if you are low it might be best to speak to your GP

Needsomeadvice33 · 03/02/2022 01:29

I would say I have had low-grade depression and fatigue for 2 years. I have been doing a low carb Mediterranean diet for literally 4 weeks and I cant believe the improvement in my mood and energy levels. Honestly give it a try. Only exercise I have done is walking but hoping to start some HIIT soon

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/02/2022 08:20

Sounds like you need something more on your life. House kids husband is wonderful if that’s what you truly want, but women tend to fall into ‘of service’ roles with all and that’s draining.

Something for you - volunteer, join a group, a hobby, a creative outlet, an exercise club, start a small business…

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