Changed jobs, still burnt out and miserable - what can I do??

[ughwhatnow]

At the end of last year I changed jobs as I was getting burnt out and miserable in my role, which had a lot of responsibility and pressure. I stayed in the same profession but took a less senior job, 4 days a week, shorter commute etc.

Thing is, I've realised that it is the profession itself I am fed up with, not just the specific role I had previously. I'm still utterly demotivated and dreading each day - just now on less money! I feel even more trapped now than I did 6 months ago.

During lockdown I did some extra, self-funded, training in an area broadly related to my profession (but a part of it I genuinely do love). I'd love to pack it all in and do this part of the work instead - however, it's not the kind of thing I could earn a full-time salary from, ever. Maybe enough to cover the mortgage and bills but that's about it. DH earns less than I do (1 dc, older teen, off to uni in Sept) but although our mortgage etc is very manageable now I dread being in financial trouble.

I feel so trapped and fed up and frustrated. I'm not even sure what my AIBU is! Would it be ridiculous to just pack it in and try to make the thing I really enjoy work? Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone done this? I want to cry with the frustration of wasting my life doing something that I just don't care about anymore.

Yes! And a real problem I had was with recruiters/ the people hiring who promised so much and then I get used as a cart horse but with no recognition in my line of work it’s a bit all of nothing and the “work-life balance” I was promised doesn’t exist. Have now moved too often to leave so am trapped and miserable. I work very hard so often think if I just found something I love I could do my own business! Not sure what to advise you, am in the same boat

'Cart-horse' - yes that's exactly how I described myself to DH the other day! There's absolutely no joy in my job anymore, it just all feels like a slog.

Part of the issue is that I actually don't feel I can 'morally' do my job anymore. I feel like a fake - don't want to give too many details but I have to demonstrate an enthusiasm for something that I no longer have enthusiasm or interest in anymore. It feels dishonest.

Ouch. Maybe you need to take some careers advice. Because there's no easy option / easy move here, is there?

I was in a very similar situation to you about 7 years ago. I was living alone, in an area where I didn't have any support network, friends or family. I had a managerial job in the NHS, in a hospital that's since been in the news for having a bullying culture. I was so so miserable.

I felt very very 'naughty' doing so, but I just decided to do what I wanted, not what was best for my career, or what would make my family happy, or what was logical. It look a long time to convince myself but I gave myself permission to choose happiness over everything else. I decided to move back to where I brought up, where I had family, friends I'd kept in touch with.....as my GP said "Go where people love you".

Put my house up for sale and worked out what I could afford to buy on minimum wage, just scraping in by the skin of my teeth. I started applying for 'factory floor' NHS jobs, knowing management wasn't for me. I needed to be dealing with Patients face to face, not in board meetings or negotiation service contracts. Best decision I ever made. Found a little cosy terraced house, massive step down from my previous house, worked out I didn't need an evening job in a pub (which I would have done if needed).

Honestly OP, by far in a way the best decision I have ever made. I'm on about £8k less than before. I have to watch my money, can't treat myself as much and can't really afford holidays any more. But I'm HAPPY. I think me giving myself permission to choose happiness over career, money and prospects was the biggest hurdle. I finally realised that me putting myself first was more important than having other people view me as having 'failed'.

I take it you're a teacher?

You should look into retraining into something else.

If you're in England, then teaching really is the last job.

You work to live not live to work. Make your life priority, can you reduce your hours and job share see if that helps.

Could you start setting your business up on your one day off, or move to PT and do it. I think you should try doing what you love and reassess leaving if your business starts to do well. Start working on it and see what happens.

l have learnt to live very happily on alot less money, it opens your eyes as to how conditioned we are thinking we need to live life at 100mph to afford stuff we don' t even need. My life is quiet and peaceful, l am a much calmer parent. l have my own quality time every single day, and l have never looked back.

Can you go part time in your job to work on making money in your passion the rest of the time?

I'm currently retraining but have support from my husband. Saying that, I'm going to delay university for a year and work my “normal” job to save and take the pressure of my husband. Not that there is, but I hate having to ask for a tenner for lunch for the week. I've not visited a hairdresser or beautician over the last two years. Or stepped into a clothes shop. I fit in minimum wage jobs and met amazing people. I don't have a gym or any membership, and a friend lent me a laptop.

There are several single mums on my course too. If they can do it, anyone can. In the library this week, another student was working late as she needed to work all weekend to pay her rent.

@FarmGirl78 says it for me. Put your happiness above what you think you should be doing. It's there if you really want it.

Move to the thing you want to do but isn't full time, and see if you can find a separate part time undemanding job just to make up some of the difference in income. E.g. bar work/ lunchtime supervisor. I know an artist who works part time as an editor of some sort. The art pays but not enough, so editing is some bread and butter but not her identity.

@GiantHaystacks2021

I take it you're a teacher?

You should look into retraining into something else.

If you're in England, then teaching really is the last job.

I'm in HE, so almost! My subject used to be my passion but I've lost all interest over the last couple of years. The students are also incredibly demanding and I just feel drained.

It's great to hear stories of people who have done it. We live within our means at the mo and don't have extravagant tastes / interests, but the fear of struggling to pay bills is a huge thing for me. Also, whilst I absolutely agree that happiness is the most important thing, I worry that I'm just chasing unrealistic dreams rather than being a sensible grown-up with responsibilities that I 'should' be

But I could start to try and build things up whilst still working. It would be exhausting but I guess it's not going to happen any other way, is it?!