...to expect DH to sort nursery and blow up about it? very very VERY long.

[Sherida]

OK I will start by saying I CAN have a bit of a temper, and DH has been brilliant all through my pregnancy with cleaning, cooking, providing lots of love and support through my horrendous sickness. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with our first, and I've been nagging for about 4 or 5 months about the nursery. It's going to be what was his room for his PC and guitars (think I've identified myself there so if he's reading...hi...) and it was only a few weeks ago that I decided to start sorting it out. He kept saying he would but didn't. Finally, we both got in there and found so much computer stuff and I mean a lot. 8 hard drives, 3 tower units, a spare monitor (!), RAM, motherboards, and loads of cables all of which he wanted to keep just in case. Me being mean, made him dump the lot. There were still 2 amps, 5 guitars (2 not his) and 2 guitar cases to deal with. We moved his PC downstairs and I know he wasn't happy with losing "his" room and wanted to put baby in the box room to which I said no. The spare room has a big window, is painted yellow and has fitted wardrobes. The box room is very dark.

That was all that happened, even knowing that my Dad was coming round today for lunch and to put the cot together. Yesterday, there was still all that stuff in the room and more. I felt I had to almost babysit him to make him clear the room, and to be clear he didn't actually WANT any of the computer stuff because it was soooo old it has been outdated. He wanted to keep it just in case. In case of what, I don't know. I never asked him to get rid of any guitars because they're important to him, but I did ask him to get rid of the ones that weren't his. He kept saying oh yes, so and so needs to come and pick them up, but never made arrangements to do so. So the nursery STILL wasn't ready this morning for the cot.

I snapped. I really did. I'm actually ashamed of myself. He took the guitars out of the room and left them on the landing expecting that to be OK. I told him to tell his friend unless the guitar is picked up this week, I am going to find someone to give it to...(anyone want a black Flying V?). His stuff is now downstairs in the appropriate place, but there was still a lot to do. My Dad was going to arrive in 5 mins, and instead of taking the Xmas tree out he's polishing the upstairs mirror! Hello? I need the room! Forget the damn mirror! I need you to bring the vacuum cleaner down coz I'm not allowed to lift anything, and help me move the table, and do the dishwasher because I can't bend down among other things. I started having a massive go, about how he doesn't want to do "his" room for the baby, that I've nagged him for 5 months and all I get when I ask what's going to happen to the "spare" video player or Star Wars chess set is "I don't know....I'll put it in the loft" and it NEVER gets to the loft ever. I went downstairs in a strop, found ANOTHER guitar and pushed it over, picked up said chess set, threw it, threw my mobile phone across the room, upended a chair, I was shouting and screaming about him never doing what I need him to. His mum called at that moment and I shouted at him to hang up, we were busy. I love his mum, I adore her but if you say to her that you're busy and can you call her back she will ignore you and chat away. I carried on shoving things over I honestly couldn't stop. I wasn't thinking at all. Finally he got his mum off the phone. The poor guy comes near me and OMG, I saw red and hit him. Twice ! We both walked away from eachother and finished tidying.

Dad arrived with stepmother, we had a lovely meal, cot was put up and they've gone. Now DH and I aren't talking, and he was wondering what to tell his mum. I told him to tell her the truth, that we were having an argument. I'm now upstairs, he's downstairs and quite understandably doesn't want to talk to me. I feel quite quite evil. We've been together for about 10 years but today I just went mad. Bearing in mind how great he's been AIBU to expect him to sort the nursery when I demand it? Obviously I know I was very unreasonable to raise my hand.

Sorry for the long rant. Nursery looks lovely by the way.

Pontipine, I'm not trying to avoid reponsibility. I KNOW I was in the wrong. I'm not blaming external factors, in my view anyone hitting anyone else is totally unforgivable and for some reason, I slipped and flipped out. It's DH who is blaming hormones, even though I've tried to explain that's not a valid excuse for what I did. I simply didn't realise how angry I was getting and that's never acceptable. Honestly I don't know how DH hasn't kicked me out, except that he says he loves me. Trust me, I hate myself right now.

That nursery is for you not the baby....Babies couldn't care less

I cannot believe the amount of people on this thread completely dismissing the fact that you hit your husband. Twice.

If this were a man posting about hitting his wife, things would be a little different. Yes, you get mood swing leeway whilst pregnant but violence is violence.

I can understand why you flipped - in an irrational moment - despite knowing that your DH is an absolute star most of the time.

You've probably got the message that hitting DH is a big no-no, no matter how provoked. And to be told that by other mothers will hopefully stick in your mind in the hard times ahead. Reading through mumsnet threads makes one realise that DH/DP can be hopeless on many an occassion - but most can also be complete saints at times.

Please enjoy the last weeks of your pregnancy and make the most of your time together with DH. Once baby arrives you'll be a family, and everything will be up-ended for the next 18+ years!

It was totally understandable that you flipped, no, you shouldn;t have hit your dh, but I did somthing very similar when I was 8 months pg. I didn;t hit him but did throw a hard backed A-Z book at him from very close range!

Men can be infuriating creatures, but then so can pregnant women!!

After all that I think emptying the dishwasher and moving the hoover downstairs would be a doddle. I dont think you can use that as an excuse any more.

Same as justabouttosplashoutinthesales and islandofsodor.

I once put my hands round dh's neck with anger (well justified in being annoyed with him, not justified in the hands round neck ). I burst into tears after as was in shock and dh couldn't believe I'd behaved that way as it was so unlike me (before I was a mother btw). I told him I'd go straight to the Dr the next day which I did as I was scared at my behaviour (I didn't have hormones to blame so didn't understand). I had had PMT getting worse and worse but nothing like that. Anyway, turned out I was having.....get this.....withdrawal symptoms from my pill when on the week break!! She changed my pill straight away to one with different hormones or whatever and I was fine after. Hormones can be quite scary but please don't hate yourself, sounds like it was totally out of character and I'm sure you won't let it happen again. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and although I agree it doesn't matter about the room, I wouldn't have said that when pg with my first!

YABU for hitting him. Imagine how you would feel if it were the other way. Totally unacceptable. However, you clearly know that and I am sounds like its a one-off. If its any comfort I had a big hissy fit when pregnant with DD1. We were in the process of moving out of out one bed flat so didnt have a nursery. I became completely focused on DH putting up a set of drawers for me to at least have somewhere to store all the baby stuff I had lovingly washed. He took forever so I had a big strop and stropped off and came back to find it all done. Lethal mix: nesting instinct and stroppy pregnancy hormones. This time I need to get the spare room sorted to move DD into so we can use the box room as the nursery. Incidentally, DD has been in our box room since she was 6 weeks and is prefectly happy in there so you could always go for that if you dont get everything sorted. I have 14 weeks to go and can already feel myself fretting over the lack of action from DH. I have therefore taken matters into my own hands and have the decorators in next month . That way I wont be running round after DH getting him to get the paint brushes out.

I got rages like this when I was pg.

I would get angry over barely nothing. So angry that I just had to do something with it - I was like a pressure cooker that had to let off steam. So I threw things. A lot. Very hard. I cant even begin to explain the anger and rage I felt. It only happened a few times - at seemingly well spaced 5 week intervals in the later half of my pgs.

It bore a resemblance to the kind of rage I'd get with PMT in my late teens/early twenties.

I developed PND with my second. It's certainly worth keeping an eye on it.

FWIW - I wouldnt want the box room for a nursery, or baby stuff. It's just not big enough. Box rooms make perfect studies though

Your DH is lucky - my DH's computer room was taken over, and he got a cupboard to sit in instead

Sorry Sherida, your post was under 2 minutes before mine, and I didn't see it before now. FWIW, I'm glad he hasn't reacted more strongly, and I probably overreacted
to those who were under-reacting to the situation.

Things will probably get fraught a few more times with sleep deprivation, etc when the baby arrives - it's probably wise to have a heart to heart with him about all this when you've calmed down and he's feeling settled. You need to have a better way of handling this sort of situation, as there's no guarantee that you won't feel just as stressed at some future point.

starting off, hitting our DH was a seriously bad move, whatever the circumstances but you know that so will move on...

can sympathise with the reasons you got so worked up. DH finished all the house renovations 2 weeks before DS arrived. i was so worked up, i really wanted to enjoy a perfect house with a perfect nursery before DS arrived. i had worked so hard on the renovations as well as being preg and wanted to sit back and enjoy. i ended up walking out on him at about 7.5 months pregnant and din't come back for a couple of weeks. it wasn't just the renovations, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. needless to say he got the flat finished while i was away.

and why does he need a whole larger room for all his shit? why does baby have to take the small room? the room doesn't house just baby but all baby's stuff. the bigger the room, the less chance you're going to have of tripping up all over baby's stuff all over the house. and don't you all jump on the bandwagon saying baby doesn't actually need much stuff, i know that, but i didn't when i was soon to become a first time mum baby doesn't give a toss, but the room is where you will be spending some time too. your DH needs to have a clear out. one man does not need all the stuff you have listed. my DH owns a whole load of crap that he barely looks at for months on end, i would gladly declutter on his behalf and would probably fill about 2 skipfuls of crap in the process if i thought i could get away with it. i continually have to get him to move or put away all his crap and it wears me down after asking him for the 5th time and finding his stuff is still sitting around all over the place 2 week's on. it's like water torture, just that drip drip drip away until you explode. so in that respect i sympathise.

Give yourself a break - it's hormones, I know you don't believe it because you are still you, but you'll look back and realise. My dh, who is wonderfully patient and supportive used to say there should be support groups for partners of pg women.

However, explain to him that you may overact a little and ask him to bear with it. He sounds lovely btw yep he didn't clear the nursery within your time constraint, but tbh it wasn't urgent and he's clearly finding it hard to give up his toys.

Well, you've already recognised for yourself that hitting your partner or indeed any other human is unacceptable and well out of order. If this post had been about him hitting you I bet there'd have been uproar! So please think about that seriously especially before your baby arrives and the pressures will be even greater. You and your partner will be the main role models for your child!
Secondly, am I the only person who thinks that actually a partner with a load of guitars plus other assorted equipment sounds way more interesting than some boring suburban husband who'd have had the nursery sanded, painted and completely kitted out by the time you were 6 weeks pregnant?! Chill out a bit. Someone else mentioned on here that a nursery is for the parents not the baby, cos a baby won't notice or care where it's sleeping, as long as it's warm, cosy and fed regularly! Built in wardrobes ... hmm I've got by without them and I'm in my forties so I think your baby will manange without!