...to expect DH to sort nursery and blow up about it? very very VERY long.

[Sherida]

OK I will start by saying I CAN have a bit of a temper, and DH has been brilliant all through my pregnancy with cleaning, cooking, providing lots of love and support through my horrendous sickness. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with our first, and I've been nagging for about 4 or 5 months about the nursery. It's going to be what was his room for his PC and guitars (think I've identified myself there so if he's reading...hi...) and it was only a few weeks ago that I decided to start sorting it out. He kept saying he would but didn't. Finally, we both got in there and found so much computer stuff and I mean a lot. 8 hard drives, 3 tower units, a spare monitor (!), RAM, motherboards, and loads of cables all of which he wanted to keep just in case. Me being mean, made him dump the lot. There were still 2 amps, 5 guitars (2 not his) and 2 guitar cases to deal with. We moved his PC downstairs and I know he wasn't happy with losing "his" room and wanted to put baby in the box room to which I said no. The spare room has a big window, is painted yellow and has fitted wardrobes. The box room is very dark.

That was all that happened, even knowing that my Dad was coming round today for lunch and to put the cot together. Yesterday, there was still all that stuff in the room and more. I felt I had to almost babysit him to make him clear the room, and to be clear he didn't actually WANT any of the computer stuff because it was soooo old it has been outdated. He wanted to keep it just in case. In case of what, I don't know. I never asked him to get rid of any guitars because they're important to him, but I did ask him to get rid of the ones that weren't his. He kept saying oh yes, so and so needs to come and pick them up, but never made arrangements to do so. So the nursery STILL wasn't ready this morning for the cot.

I snapped. I really did. I'm actually ashamed of myself. He took the guitars out of the room and left them on the landing expecting that to be OK. I told him to tell his friend unless the guitar is picked up this week, I am going to find someone to give it to...(anyone want a black Flying V?). His stuff is now downstairs in the appropriate place, but there was still a lot to do. My Dad was going to arrive in 5 mins, and instead of taking the Xmas tree out he's polishing the upstairs mirror! Hello? I need the room! Forget the damn mirror! I need you to bring the vacuum cleaner down coz I'm not allowed to lift anything, and help me move the table, and do the dishwasher because I can't bend down among other things. I started having a massive go, about how he doesn't want to do "his" room for the baby, that I've nagged him for 5 months and all I get when I ask what's going to happen to the "spare" video player or Star Wars chess set is "I don't know....I'll put it in the loft" and it NEVER gets to the loft ever. I went downstairs in a strop, found ANOTHER guitar and pushed it over, picked up said chess set, threw it, threw my mobile phone across the room, upended a chair, I was shouting and screaming about him never doing what I need him to. His mum called at that moment and I shouted at him to hang up, we were busy. I love his mum, I adore her but if you say to her that you're busy and can you call her back she will ignore you and chat away. I carried on shoving things over I honestly couldn't stop. I wasn't thinking at all. Finally he got his mum off the phone. The poor guy comes near me and OMG, I saw red and hit him. Twice ! We both walked away from eachother and finished tidying.

Dad arrived with stepmother, we had a lovely meal, cot was put up and they've gone. Now DH and I aren't talking, and he was wondering what to tell his mum. I told him to tell her the truth, that we were having an argument. I'm now upstairs, he's downstairs and quite understandably doesn't want to talk to me. I feel quite quite evil. We've been together for about 10 years but today I just went mad. Bearing in mind how great he's been AIBU to expect him to sort the nursery when I demand it? Obviously I know I was very unreasonable to raise my hand.

Sorry for the long rant. Nursery looks lovely by the way.

Never should have hit him but I can understand losing your rag.

I'm 39+3 and we still haven't had the nursery finished even though i've been bugging my DP for a few months.

Is ths baby not going to be staying in your room for the first few weeks anyway (giving a little more time)

Also how about, as a compromise and nice surprise you get someone to help you decorate the "box room" for him, get his computers and guitars etc in there?

If I was you, I'd go apologise for going nuts and hitting him and explain you lost your temper and will try not to again but hormones and the fact it still wasn't done made you lose it and you appreciate his help with everything else.

You want to thank your lucky stars he hasn't had you charged with assault. You need to go to anger management.

I wouldn't jump on the anger management thing straight away. You are hormonal and makng a place for the baby is a very strong desire. I had these issues with my DH too.

I wonder if you feel that in some way his procrastinating is about his attitude to you and the baby? Do you see it as a commitment thing?

Agree with the anger management. Seems way ott.
'sort the nursery when you demand it'? Think you're being unreasonable altogether.
I'd go down and apologise.
What's wrong with the box room? Dark? You'll probably be glad of that in the summer months.

You weren't BU to want it sorted out, you WERE very unreasonable to lose your temper quite so spectacularly.

I suggest you turn off the computer, go downstairs and apolgise and ask how you can make it up to him.

I'm really not like that normally. I'm shocked at myself. Not sure anger management is quite the answer as it hasn't ever happened before and although I can be a hothead, it's never violent (apart from today) and always, from my point of view, for a good reason. I tend keep quiet about a lot of things, and perhaps I shouldn't bottle things up because this is apparantly the result.

Get this...he's just come up and apologised. I've told him it's not him that needs to apologise, and I'll go if he wants me to because that's what I'd want if he ever hit me. He held my hand and told me he knows that I wasn't acting like myself, he's putting it down to hormones and understands why I got angry. He wants to forget about it and work on a way for it not to happen again. Dear lord, the mans a saint. I'm furious with myself for losing it like that, and although I didn't hurt him that's not the point.

Should have explained about the box room, it's very, very small I'd hate to try to put a baby in there. It's being used for storage of both our items and baby things we haven't put together yet.

blimey, sorry you are feeling so unsupported. hard to see what about, most of all worries you amongst what you wrote. couldn't really follow all that. so i wonder if he can, poor man?

i would frankly grovel re: the assault. clear the air on everything from both sides. work out a simple plan forward to birth day. be ready to let even more than this slide when baby comes.

sorry got as far as box room is small and dark and it just sounds perfect for a 6 month old tbh (baby will be in your room till then)

will keep reading now

oh thank goodness - he's one good man to come and apologise first.

I will say that when pregnant everything seems loaded with dreadful symbolism - 'dh isn't moving things out of the nursery, does it mean he doesn't really want the baby' 'he thinks it's ok to put a baby in the boxroom, he must hate it already' etc etc, to the point of complete irrationality . He's quite right in saying it's the hormones.

Keep an eye on your moods after the baby's born. If you get this angry in pregnancy over a room, there's a chance you'll have other issues once you're sleep deprived and on a downer from pregnancy hormone withdrawal.

ok you lost your rag and you really shouldn't have hit him .. but you've made up . .. make the most of it from now and try to be a bit saner

I still think the box room sounds far better for the baby ..

nesting instinct is a bit of a bitch though

YANBU. Men and their toys [eye roll emoticon]. Your DH was being selfish and immature storing up all those old, outdated toys when you need the room for the baby.

Hang on, yes, good point - are you planning on putting baby in nursery from birth?

same as hatrick .. beautiful nursery but we moved when DS was only 4 months and he was, of course, still in our room

oh everyone has beaten me to it

was going to say baby should be in your room to set off with

you don't need to worry about nursery for months

Agree with hunker that you do need to think and talk with your DH now, about how you will deal with your anger when the baby is here as there really is NO harder time for a couple, and hunker is right the sleep deprivation is very, very hard to take. I think it would be great at this point to make sure that he understands where you're coming from and vice versa.

I know what people are saying about having the baby in with you so the nursery not being so vital, however I do understand that it's just something you want ready beforehand, that's quite understandable; because some people put their babies in their own room early and while I understand that's not the recommendatio, it can and does happen...and far easier to do all the faffing now that when you have a baby in the house IMO.

why do you need to get hte Chrismtas tree out (it's still Christmas) and move hte table NOW?

why did you need the vacuum cleaner NOW and to do the dishwasher NOW?

you do sound a bit of a nightmare tbh, with your NOW NOW NOW, though that might be hormones and nesting instinct.

Hitting him is well out of order btw

also why does baby need fitted wardrobes?

also your house will completely go to pot when you have a baby so you maybe need to be okay with relinquishing control a little bit

Thanks for all your input, it's really helped me get things in perspective. No, the baby won't be in the nursery to begin with. Of course I've apologised, and to be honest I can't believe he's not more upset. I've never flipped out like that before. To Cappucino, we were having my Dad round and I wanted to hoover and have things tidy is all. I do make myself sound like a nightmare. DH has said I've been out of character. Justaboutosplash, LOL I've made myself sound dangerous as well as a nightmare. I appreciate what you meant tho. Motherhurdi no we don't smoke.

All this emotion has taken me by surprise, I'll walk away next time as I SHOULD have done this time, except I didn't recognise how angry I was. Honestly I think I'm easy going normally.

Your reactions are your reactions. Your decisions may be contributed to by stress, hormones, or frustration but this sounds like a you're trying to avoid the responsibility for your own actions.

Your dh sounds like he's very supportive, but it really wouldn't have mattered if he had not been. If the roles were reversed, and you were a man admitting to beating your wife, you'd get a lot less sympathy ... if he'd been drunk and less in charge of their actions, it would be even worse. That you're hormonal and know you are means that you've got to be more in charge of how you react than you would be normally.

I'm not trying to make you feel worse here, but I think you need to see that blaming it on external factors - even hormones - is a cop-out.