AIBU to send DD to a birthday sleepover on her birthday?

[Flamingoose]

DD turns 10 next month. She's not having a party (She wants to go with her bestie to a local attraction as a birthday treat. That's not booked yet.)
She has been invited to a birthday sleepover by one of the girls in her swim team (nice girl but don't know her well). Friend's birthday sleepover is on DD's actual birthday. Dd is quite keen to go. She says she can do presents and cake with family earlier in the day and then head to the friend's sleepover for a fun end of day.
What do you think? Will the birthday girl's parents think it's weird if dd goes? Obviously she wouldn't expect presents or cake or anything, but people will realise it's dd's birthday too. I guess they will probably wish dd a happy birthday too when they sing with cake etc?
I'm torn between not wanting to 'hijack' the friend's birthday, and not wanting dd to miss out on a fun sleepover with her team.
What do you think? What would you do?

If she wants to go then let her. I can't see a problem at all.

Of course she should go !
They invited her …
Great situation for your daughter - a fun sleepover and a birthday 🥳 outing to look forward to at another time .

You are way over thinking this.

She wants to go, let her go.

Her friend has invited her so she isn't " high jacking" anything.

If she wants to go I would let her but I'd let the parents know first.

If one of the dc's friends were coming to a group sleepover on their actual birthday I'd like a heads up to get them a card. Tbh I'd probably also get a v small cake and get a second round of happy birthday in got them too 😂

I'd let her go. My DDs friend has a birthday two days earlier than hers. Friends doesn't always have a party but always comes to DDs. We sing to both.

In terms of the hijacking thing - if I thought the party host might be precious about it I’d probably prime DD just saying ‘I know it’s your birthday today but we are doing your special celebration next week, and this is Pamela’s special day so it would be kind to focus it on her’

But yes if she wants to go I’d definitely let her

I'd worry that when a fuss is inevitably made of the friends Birthday that my DD would feel a little sad and left out.
I'm presuming the sleepover attendees will all be arriving at friends house armed with a card and gift as they've been invited to a 'Birthday Sleepover'. Not sure they'll mark your DDs in the same way- and wouldn't really expect them to really. How to you think your DD would react to this?
You say you don't know the friend well but if DD is insisting on going I'd have to speak to the parents and let them know it's DDs Birthday the same day and ask if they'd mind you providing a small cake for the group to enjoy alongside whatever is planned for their daughter- whilst telling them that you're not trying to steal their DDs thunder

Thanks for the replies.

Whilst I appreciate the suggestion, I definitely wouldn't ask the friend to also have a cake for dd.
I think dd would be pretty cool about not getting presents / cake / fuss etc. She's a sensible girl and she would understand that she was there to celebrate Dora's birthday, and her own celebration with her own friend would come later. I think. I'm going to have that chat with her just to check before we accept.
I'm glad most people think it's a non-issue. Personally I would be absolutely fine if another birthday child rocked up to one of my kids' celebrations and I'd just change the birthday song to "DD and FRIEND!", but I know some people can be more precious about these things. Useful to test the water here on MN.

I think its fine to go, but not OK to ask to bring an extra cake as previously suggested! If she wants to go the it has to be on the understanding that it is the other girl's birthday that is being celebrated.

Of course she should go if she's keen! You're over-thinking it.

My annual school trip to Alton Towers once fell on my birthday. It meant I was away from home almost all day, and everyone was too excited to give toss about it being my birthday. BEST. DAY. EVER.

I would give the parents a heads-up. It may get a bit embarrassing if anyone spills the beans even if you DD keeps it quite.

Let her go but tell her she can't steal focus. If they sing happy birthday to her that's nice but not essential. No extra cake!

It sounds as if your DD is happy to celebrate her own birthday earlier in the day and then go to the friends house at the end of the day -- what's the problem?

I would let the host and/or her parents know that it happened to be DD's birthday but I don't think you should expect anything.

Wishing your DD a Happy Birthday

My ds once had a friend around for a playdate after school when he was around 7. I gave his mum a choice of dates and she picked one. Turned out it was his friends birthday that day, his mum had never mentioned it, i did find that a bit odd tbh. So I would at least tell the parents.

On DS 1st day of high school he came running home waving a letter shouting, "I'm going to France for my birthday!" It turned out there was a school trip that spanned the whole weekend and his birthday fell on the Saturday... he still talks about it as his best ever birthday - and he didn't even know many of the kids!

Your DD will have a great time

@Stompythedinosaur

I think its fine to go, but not OK to ask to bring an extra cake as previously suggested! If she wants to go the it has to be on the understanding that it is the other girl's birthday that is being celebrated.

Exactly!!!! And she sounds fine with this so great!

I don't think I would let her go but then I am a bit against sleepovers to be honest.

Why are you against sleepovers @MrsGHarrison87?

I would be really sad if a mum sent their kids to my house and didn't mention it was their birthday ! Please tell the parents. Just say it's x birthday also how funny but she would love to come.

Nobody sane would consider a 10 Yr old sharing a bit of birthday love a hijacking

@SeeminglyOblivious

Why are you against sleepovers *@MrsGHarrison87*?

My older child used to go to regular sleepovers when he was younger and at the time I thought he was happy to go but he tells me now that he didn't like being there and was uncomfortable at times and that the other boy's dad used to scream at him for not eating everything on the plate. It's just the thought of not knowing where they are and who they're with. Obviously we can't control everything they do in life and wrap them in cotton wool but I don't think sleepovers at a young age are essential. Unless you know the other family well, then that's different. My next child has autism and a mild learning disability and I don't think she'd be able to deal with a sleepover so if she was invited to one she wouldn't be going. It depends on the situation I think though.

DH went to a friend's 50th birthday party on his 50th birthday - live band in a very nice setting with lots of mutual friends. Everyone sang happy birthday to DH too. Seemed a bit cheeky of us, but nevertheless we enjoyed it!