Hello,
Just here for some opinions - firstly I don't know if voting is on or off, on my mobile and new to this site so bare with me! Have you got a cup of tea ready? It's going to be a long one.
Me and DH have been together in and off for about 16 years. We have 2 children. We got together young and have been each other's only proper relationship. He made a lot of mistakes when we were younger and I probably was a bit of a bitch out of spite. We were kids at the time, experiencing life and what not. We had a few separations along the way also. Most of his cheating occurred when he was out drinking. He would drink to the point he couldn't string a sentence together and it was awful. The males in his family have a history of alcohol issues.
Fast forward to the past few years, we got back together after a while apart and moved in together . we have both changed a lot as people and grown up. Lifestyle has changed and values are different for us both. About a year later covid happened. Then we went into lock down and our relationship really improved. We fell pregnant and had baby #2. He's so supportive, caring. We communicated better, we set goals together and spoke openly about our difficulties. He has shown a lot of dedication and doesn't hide his phone from me, isn't secretive etc (I don't look at his phone, I don't have the need too but he will happily show me a video and leave me with it etc and i do the same). My only issue is the drinking.
It got to the point he was drinking like 1.5 litres of spirits over a weekend and a a few little lite drinks in the week after work (very high up in a stressful role and said it relaxed him) it really put me off him and has actually put me off alcohol altogether so I don't drink). He was never nasty or anything, I just didn't like it as it worried me due to his family history. I hated having sex when he was drunk too so I always said no which he respected but it took a toll on us as he felt I didn't find him attractive. He drank alot over Xmas and I told him I had had enough and what he's doing isn't healthy and it's pushing me away. He decided to do dry January and has not had a single drink all of jan which honestly shocked me. It made me feel alot happier, he felt alot healthier and it brought us closer. Hes now going to drink on the odd occasion and has a night out planned.
I trust that he won't drink all the time but I'm confident he will get silly drunk when he's with his guy friends and they live in another city so he wants to stay over night as there isn't a late train home. I feel uncomfortable about him getting really drunk as that was always when he cheated many years ago.
Now here's my AIBU - I decided all that time ago to get back with him. We have worked through alot of our issues but not everything is resolved straight away although we have made alot of progress. Last time he went out with them he decided to stay over and not tell me until it was happening - not an issue but would have just liked to have known so I didn't stay up waiting for him. I asked him to compromise and get the last train home this time- think it's about 10pm, he's going to be with them all day but he said no and I'm being unfair. He wants to have the guys night out after the day out. He said he would either stay with his best friend or at a hotel. I can totally understand as he doesn't see them a lot but I can't help how I feel.
I know I need to learn to trust him fully but I also feel he should keep his word and we need to compromise until I know he can be responsible with A) alcohol and B) his actions when he's drunk.
So aibu for asking him to get the last train home and prove he can be responsible?
Wwyd?
(I'm not looking for shitty comments about him being a dickhead, my life choices or why am I with him etc, I'm asking if I am unfair) thank you if you have bothered to read this absolute essay!