AIBU to cancel weekend away?

[frustratedcroissant]

Last year for my closest friends birthday we planned a weekend break and as it was her birthday I said it would be my treat. It was postponed due to lockdowns and its now a few weeks away.

She has been having a tough time and has asked for some space while she tries to get her life in order. I sent Christmas presents for her and her family and she thanked me and apologised for 'being crap' and not getting us anything but that doesn't matter to me and I told her that.

She's been very quiet since. I don't want to hassle her when she's not feeling great but I've let her know I'm here whenever she needs me. A couple of weeks ago I asked how she was feeling about the weekend away and she hasn't replied or been in touch since.

If I cancel within the next week I can get a full refund. The money is already spent and it was a gift to her so part of me is thinking to just wait incase she has a last minute change of heart but I really don't think she's up to it at the moment and I'm tempted to get the refund and put the money aside for when she's a bit more up for it.

Text her and ask how she is. Tell her it might be better to rearrange but Your'll need to let them know by xth. Then you're covered.

I'd cancel, not just for the refund, but to take the pressure off of her. Just send her a text saying you've cancelled and you'll do it another time when she's feeling up to it.

You sound lovely op. I'd send one more message saying you have the option to cancel if shes not up for it. If she doesn't reply, cancel.

I don't want her to feel guilted one way or another but I think I'll put it across to her as it might not be the right time and I'll put the money aside and we can do something different when the weather is a bit better.

@Justmuddlingalong

I'd cancel, not just for the refund, but to take the pressure off of her. Just send her a text saying you've cancelled and you'll do it another time when she's feeling up to it.

agree

I’d ask her, but would be tempted to cancel anyway as it sounds like she’d pull out at last minute and you’d lose your money

I wouldn't cancel or "do" anything yet, she might have missed the text, or still unsure or not feeling it or whatever.

Just be honest, that you need to know by x date if she can commit, otherwise you will have to rearrange. Then on the day, just say " I haven't heard from you, going to cancel this now, hopefully we can go another time. Hope you're well". Just so that she gets some opportunity and time to think about it.

@Notimeforaname

You sound lovely op. I'd send one more message saying you have the option to cancel if shes not up for it. If she doesn't reply, cancel.

Yes I’d do this.

Sorry but I’d cancel. I think she’s slowly pushing you away for whatever reason.

I’d cancel

@CharlotteRose90

Sorry but I’d cancel. I think she’s slowly pushing you away for whatever reason.

She's not. Im in touch with family members and she's shutting everyone out just now and withdrawn socially. It's not personal.

Why don't you word it to her that it has been cancelled (don't say by who), but as they are refunding you will put the money away to do
something at a later date ?

She will probably be relieved and takes the decision making away from her?

I've recently been through a mental health crisis and I agree with the poster who has suggested saying it was cancelled and you can do something in the future- takes the pressure off everyone.

You seem far more concerned about her state of mind than simply getting your money back, you seem like an excellent friend.