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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dp has been very unfair to me

17 replies

Quadrophenia · 30/12/2007 13:07

okay so , everyone been ill over xmas, this awful virus thats going round. Dp has been quite poorly and yesterday i had to go to work, one off shift but couldn't afford not to go.
So anyway run down of my day

got up
made breakfats for me and kids, dp still in bed
took washing out of drier
put new washing in drier
put washing away
stripped wet bed
put washing on
washed, dried put away breakfast stuff
get kids dressed
tidied up bedroom and made bed
cleaned bathroom
checked cupboards
went to shoips to pick up papers, lucozade, bread, squash etc for the day for dp
took out rubbish, changed bins then bring bins back in
made up jug of juice for kids (so dp doesn't have to constantly make drinks)

9.30 am go to work, find out resident is dying who i have known for 9 years, generally had a pretty crap shift, come home at 5.

find 1 x child poorly, give calpol
take 3 children round to shop with xmas pushchairs to buy dinner
cook dinner
take washing out of drier
put away washing
put new washing in drier
take washing out of drier again
make up bed
wash, dry up, tidy kitchen
spend time with kids in singstar
get them ready for bed
tidy up toys and discarded clothes
put kids to bed

now apparently accoording to my dp, I was out of order to sit on computer at 7.00 pm has i hadn't looked after them or doen enough. I am absoluitely furious with him, i couldn't have done more. He shouted at me and told me he had to have the kids all day, which of course i know is rotten when you are ill, but ffs i've done it enough times all i wanted was just a little bit of space for me. could cry with frustration. Thanks for listening if you got this far!!

OP posts:
Vacua · 30/12/2007 13:08

omg

YANBU, obviously

I would wee all over his toothbrush

geekymummy · 30/12/2007 13:12

YANBU!

What is it with some men that they bemoan their partners having a little break?!

Have you told him how you feel?

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 30/12/2007 13:12

lol, thanks for making me smile, I justw ant to cry. i feel ill today myself, but just can't give in, because he would be so bloody smug.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 30/12/2007 13:14

geekymummy he really believes i do nothing for him, we have four children under 7, life c an be very hard work particularly when they are ill but I am not lazy.

OP posts:
geekymummy · 30/12/2007 13:24

You're probably making it look too easy so that's why he thinks you do nowt ;)

I'd contemplate doing only the work for me and DCs and let him take care of his own laundry, meals and so on... but I'm in a spiteful mood at the mo

Seriously though he needs to really appreciate you and all that you do.

Has he always had this attitude? Maybe you two need to get away even just for a few hours?

CantSleighWontSleigh · 30/12/2007 13:27

YANBU. He sounds sadly like my dh.

yomellamoHelly · 30/12/2007 13:56

All work makes Jack a dull boy .... You need some downtime. It's obvious. Give him a week where you just sort yourself out and our dcs. Then he'll appreciate some of what you do.
However it could be he was feeling a bit sorry for himself and wanted some 'mothering' too, but instead the computer came first.

mumbear · 30/12/2007 14:06

My DP was like this telling me I do nothing while he goes to work. So a few weeks ago for about four days I did nothing (except feed and change the baby) no washing no cooking on cleaning. I just played with her all day when she went for a nap I tuned in to Jeremy Kyle he really got the message. Bless him boxing day night he helped me clean the house top to bottom!!

mummytheresa · 30/12/2007 14:30

Show him your list. Go On show it to him.

BTW - I will file the toothbrush thing for future reference

Bouncingturtlewithtinsel · 30/12/2007 14:32

I only looked at your list for all of 3 seconds to decide your DP is completely unreasonable - just coz of the length of it.
I second showing him the list.

laughaminute · 30/12/2007 14:50

know how you feel.I am looking in here hoping someone feels the same as me.I am about to explode unless I vent on here a little-I have found it helps.
My xmas went like this.
Saw none of my family (They live away)
did all the last minute finishing off while dh helped his mother put up a conservatory i the week before Xmas as this was of utmost importance-(it is for the dogs!)
cooked 4 hours xmas day for his father to turn up just a sI am dishing up9 3 hours late)-N.B he wasn't staying for dinner so I had to put ours in the oven to keep warm until he had gone-by which time the 2 kids were beyond eating and so was I for that matter-dinner ruined
I am nearly 6 months pregnant with 2 children under 5 so am a bit tired anyway.
dh hasn't p[layed with the children at ALL not even puzzles-it is as if he has welded himself to the sofa only doing as i ask him-Feels like he is a robot and needs commands-I have had 1 cup of tea made for me his whole Xmas.He is now ill woth stomach bug-I took 4 year old out of his way swimming this morning this is after being up all night as dh had to go to the on clal doctors-(I think we would call it 'tummy ache') he thinks he is dying! so on and so forth, and I feel as if I have no grounds to say anything as he is 'ill'.I just text my step mum to see if everyine who reckons they had a 'wonderful Xmas' is actually lying or if so are they not married with youngsters??? Don't get me wrong the kids bit has been great and worth all the hard work but I am just wondering if and when I may get a cup of tea made for me-posssibly when i go back to work!!
Hope this helps you feel less alone!

allgonebellyup · 30/12/2007 15:52

twat.

Him. Not you.

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 30/12/2007 18:40

oh laugh a minute that sounds dreadful
I have shown my dp the list, I wrote it all down when he went to bed last night and then threw it at him this am. My dp is by no means lazy himself, he does his fair share, but his lack of undertsanding for what i Do do drives me nuts. He is not the kind of guy who would like me clucking around him when he is ill, in fact I get told off for talking if he is watching the tv, that kind of thing and if i do get him a drink etc i get told to stop pretending i care. I'm just in one of those situations where i can't do write for doing wrong and I'm beginning to feel like a pissing martyr!!

OP posts:
Shaniece · 30/12/2007 19:10

YANBU- The comment your dp made would be exactly the type of comment my DH would make.

geekymummy · 30/12/2007 20:07

"in fact I get told off for talking if he is watching the tv"

That is SO disrespectful and rude. My DH does this from time to time Don't put up with it, let him know that he's being downright out of order!

Ayomi · 30/12/2007 20:19

GRR... I swear they are all the same.
I've just spent the weekend running around after DP and his 3DDs. Washing, ironing, cooking roasts, all washing up etc. I have no issue with this when he uses the free time this gives him to spend quality time with his children.
BUT he has spent the entire day trying to make something 'important' work on the pc, and telling me he is too busy to help at all. Thank god for a place to vent cos at 25wks pregnant he isn't doing my blood pressure much good!

laughaminute · 31/12/2007 08:48

Ha ha isn't it funny! no improvement on Dh's behaviour he is still in bed-it has turned into a headache now! and he still hasn't helped me at all around the house-I feel so much better though for just having some people that understand!Thanks guys.Just to cheer me up we have been invited to MIL for tea tomorrow!!! help I can't wait to get Xmas out of the way.(Grin)

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