In a LDR of some years duration. We live about 4 hours apart and see each other every 2-3 weeks for up to a week at a time, depending on work and other commitments. Both in our 40s.
Partner has chronic lower back pain, which he manages to an extent with medication and spending as little time standing as possible (if he stands for a couple of hours he will be in agony, for example). This is not my AIBU, but just to give some background. He's had the pain for 20ish years, medically all they can offer him is fusion but it's no guarantee it will stop the pain, he previously had other interventions which made things worse so he's not minded to try this. Exercise does help, but he's struggling to get into the right frame of mind to start.
I'm luckily pretty healthy, never had any long term or chronic pain so can't know how it feels though I try to be sympathetic.
However, when he was here last week I felt like a typical day almost tipped me over the edge...and I can't work out if that's a fair reaction or not.
So I start work (work from home, for an employer) around 8am. He also works mainly from home, but for himself, so sets his own hours etc. The day in question I start as mentioned around 8. Couple of calls then about 9.30-10 I make myself a hot drink and bring one to him. Have a few more drinks in the day and bring them to him while he's working.
I finish work around 6pm. He's finished about 4 and is watching TV/ gaming. He asks whats for dinner - I give a few suggestions but he's not taken by any of them. Eventually I decide as he won't choose, and put something in the oven, with timer set. He says he'll take it out when it's done. I don't ask him to prep any accompaniments but I thought he would - he doesn't. I go off and do a 1hr 15 exercise programme, when I come back he's basically not moved.
So I take food from oven, prep accompaniments, wash up etc, while still in my gym clothes whereas I'd rather have had a shower and left him to it.
AIBU to be annoyed by this or are my expectations unfair?
In the interests of balance I will say he does often cook meals and he is a good cook however he makes a real mess when doing so (I have to wipe down every surface, scrub cooker etc) and it requires a lot of input from me, I have to find all the ingredients for him as he can't see anything in my fridge, cupboards etc. I always do all washing up. And of course all other household chores although as it's not his house I don't expect him to hoover, dust, do laundry etc.