My new boss hates me

[StormBaby]

I was promoted to management last summer. About two months later our senior manager went on secondment and another manager moved across internally. I was really happy initially as the old manager was a bit of a stress head and micromanaged us. It became apparent very quickly that new manager hates women and especially does not want me in this male orientated role. I get pulled into his office a lot saying he doesn’t hear me shouting at my team enough so I’m not manager material. I told him I don’t need to shout to get work done, they all do as I ask. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He also basically silences all my ideas in meetings by saying ‘we get your point’. He’s just a misogynist. Then tells me I’m too quiet.

Anyway, my AIBU is, for my personal development plan, I have been tasked with training up someone on the same management rung as me, in an area I am skilled in and he is not. I have 8 weeks to train him up and I am being measured on the outcome of this for my development plan. Just as an aside, my trainee is a nice guy but useless on the computer and is a functioning alcoholic, so I have my work cut out. This member of staff just had his own development meeting and he is NOT being measured on the outcome of this 8 weeks training with me. Am I being unreasonable to think this is unfair? Why am I being measured on his ability to learn, and he is not? Would I have recourse with HR if I need to take this further in future? I’m not planning on rocking the boat unless absolutely necessary but I’m storing all this up as ammo.

YABU - this doesn’t mean anything
YANBU - this is unfair treatment

YANBU. He's a power tripping bully.

I'd be keeping your head down and looking for a new position as soon as possible, using your promotion to management as the springboard to investigate new opportunities.

I wouldn't bother with HR - they're not there to ensure fairness, they're there to protect the company.

Just keep evidence of all the help, support and teaching you provide to this man. You can lead a horse to water… keep detailed diary dates and paper trail of everything you do to try and help him.

I'd be careful not to get myself in a situation where I'm training my own replacement without realizing it.

@Xiaoxiong

I'd be keeping your head down and looking for a new position as soon as possible, using your promotion to management as the springboard to investigate new opportunities.

I wouldn't bother with HR - they're not there to ensure fairness, they're there to protect the company.

^exactly this, time to look for a less sociopathic workplace sadly.

@DeepDown12

I'd be careful not to get myself in a situation where I'm training my own replacement without realizing it.

This

Try to audio record your meetings.

I'd be careful not to get myself in a situation where I'm training my own replacement without realizing it.

Yes. This!

@Whatsonmymindgrapes

Just keep evidence of all the help, support and teaching you provide to this man. You can lead a horse to water… keep detailed diary dates and paper trail of everything you do to try and help him.

This, because you are training your replacement. And when he screws up because he will, your current ass of a manager will blame you.

I'd probably put it to the seniors that this colleague isn't learning the job well despite your efforts and you're not sure why your manager is wanting this.

CYA and keep copies of everything.

@DeepDown12

I'd be careful not to get myself in a situation where I'm training my own replacement without realizing it.

This is what it sounds like

Create or ideally follow an existing learning objective summary.
Link to a table of key competencies, record his progress. If he doesn't progress in week 1, raise this as his inability to progress and explain that you need him to resit this week (extend training). If it happens again, recommend that the training be stopped as he is not competent to learn the role. Make the learning about him (honestly and in front of him not a hidden agenda) and any review about you can be turned to how you handled the situation.

@DeepDown12

I'd be careful not to get myself in a situation where I'm training my own replacement without realizing it.

Be aware of this. Also found that toxic managers rarely improve over time and they also know where all the teflon is kept.

Document everything and keep records. Watch your back and maybe keep an eye out for new opportunities.

As others have said, you are training your replacement. Bully misogynistic boss thinks he’s being very clever.

Sadly I also agree with @DeepDown12 and @Xiaoxiong. @Enough4me has a very good idea for how to approach the situation.

But it is so outrageous that if you are up for it (and there is no reason you need be) it would be worth consulting a labour lawyer.

If your new boss is really a complete misogynist HR might even be interested, as the employer’s interests might align with yours rather than those of your boss. But for that you would need more evidence than you have shown us. Do you know and get along with any other women the guy had supervised?

Senior manager has been rude to the other very few women in the building also. Doubt they’d want to pursue it.

I’m definitely not training my replacement, we both were promoted internally on the same day, there are 5 managers on our rung including us. He’s also been here two years in total the same as me.

I think the senior knows I’ll struggle to train him and will use it as a stick to beat me with.

@poetryandwine I agree that it is completely enraging but it will be incredibly difficult and miserable for the OP to do anything about him being a shit manager or being a misogynist. People like this don't change and if she goes down this route (even if she finds 5 other women he's done the same to) there will be meetings, statements, evidence gathering, she'll have to sit through mediation meetings with management to try and get them to work together where he'll get the opportunity to gleefully character assassinate her.

I know there is an impulse to try to protect others from his bullshit, but it's not your job to be a human shield. I'd just get the hell out of there as fast as you can.

If you do it fast enough you might even be able to hand over the "training" to someone else under cover of business continuity (oh it would be better if it was one person doing the training, what a shame I've just handed in my notice so I won't be here, best if X does the training as they can remain here long term to support...etc etc)

I think @Xiaoxiong is likely right. Getting out sounds the sane course of action. But if OP can afford to consult an expert, it couldn't hurt.

Is training someone else up in your job description ?

Honestly I don’t think we understand your company well enough to meaningfully comment. I have nonidea if your HE are effectve or will just label you a troublemaker and tell your boss.

How long is your new boss in that role? I’m thinking if only a couple of years it may be fine, but if he’s there indefinitely you may need to start planning your exit into a different team :(

I think you're being set up to fail so he can shift you.

It's a shit situation and HR exists to protect the company not the employees so it depends on how your she function works whether or not they will act on his behaviour or not.

There are only 4 ways out of this:-
1 - He leaves or moves (unlikely new to role)
2 - You move within the company
3 - You leave the company
4 - You got the HR route (may result in any of the above)

If I were you I would start:-

1. Networking within the organisation to see if there will be an potential suitable moves
2. Document everything he says that is inappropriate (time/date/statement/witnesses)
3. Cover yourself in terms of any negatives (email for clarity/email for suggestions etc.)

Regarding your impossible training task:-
Could you get the person taking to complete a questionnaire or training plan which lists all aspects of what you need to teach him at the outset and ask him to rate himself on 1-5 so you know where to start (if he rates himself low, it will demonstrate how much you will have to do, if he rates himself high, they get him to complete the tasks etc. and challenge it if not ok.

You can use this again if needed - it demonstrates his perception v reality when tasked with doing the role. Have him revisit it at the end etc.. Do a follow up meeting with what you cover at each training session etc.

Document everything to slow you have done everything you can.

Suggest to your boss that the employee should also be measured in it so that he will be fully invested too.

In all reality, I think planning a move internally or externally is your best option. People like your boss don't change or improve and managing them out takes forever and not without a few casualties along the way.

@DeepDown12

I'd be careful not to get myself in a situation where I'm training my own replacement without realizing it.

This was my first thought.

And also, join a union ASAP. If you leave it until you need their help, it will be too late.

As someone who works in HR I absolutely would recommend flagging this with them. I agree that HR’s job is to protect the company, and part of that is reputation. I would rather have the pettiest of complaints brought to me for minor remedial action than to have to go through the arduous, time consuming investigation of an escalated bullying, sex discrimination, or constructive dismissal claim, or tribunal, that half of the time will be settled out of court to protect the company reputation (often costing a lot). I don’t want to have the expense of recruiting because an alpha male manager stuck in the 80s has sent a good employee to a competitor, no doubt telling everyone about their experience. Glass door reviews matter.

Hope you get it sorted x

Well-being often falls in HR’s remit now too. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already been managed out of his previous team