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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has a better pension than me should I be worried?

101 replies

Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 06:14

So this is about pensions. I took a private pension out in my mid twenties (I'm 40) as I was self employed. I paid in for about eight year roughly £100 per month, then I got a job so I took a work pension out instead which was a similar amount but employers doubled it. During this time I got married after our son was born I became a sahm I didn't pay into a pension for 5 years. This as something we before wanted and it's allowed my husband to build his career. The last year I've worked part time and only paid about £2o a month into the pension which again employer doubles. My dh and I were talking last night and I discovered that he pays £350 a month into his pension which his employer matches and he's been doing that for about 12 years. We have joint income so everything goes in same pot. I now feel a bit concerned that my pension is going to be very small compared to his which is fine unless we split up or he dies. Then I might be screwed. I am annoyed because we can't afford for me to pay a similar amount we literally wouldn't have enough left to pay bills. So is it reasonable that he gets such a large chunk of our money to pay into a pension pot and I don't? Is there anyone else in a similar situation to me?

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 01/02/2022 07:29

@TildaRae

If a spouse dies do you automatically get their pension?
Not if he has a will and he’s given it to someone else.
whiteworldgettingwhiter · 01/02/2022 07:33

If you earn over £50k, you can either choose to have it and then pay a tax charge back at the end of the year, or your can choose not to receive it - www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge

This applies to any salary over £50k - so if you're a SAHM and your h earns over £50k this affects you. His salary is seen as joint household income.

GiantSpider · 01/02/2022 07:34

@TildaRae

If a spouse dies do you automatically get their pension?
Some company pension schemes specify a reduced level of spouse's pension if the policyholder dies, eg two-thirds. You would need to check.
RowanAlong · 01/02/2022 07:40

Yes, I’d be annoyed that he hadn’t been upfront about how much of the family money he’s been putting away in his name. I’d be really annoyed that he hadn’t discussed this with you.

RowanAlong · 01/02/2022 07:41

That’s based on the assumption that all money that comes in, from both of you, is the family pot. That’s how we work it but I know not everyone does.

TheHoptimist · 01/02/2022 07:44

@whiteworldgettingwhiter

If you earn over £50k, you can either choose to have it and then pay a tax charge back at the end of the year, or your can choose not to receive it - www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge

This applies to any salary over £50k - so if you're a SAHM and your h earns over £50k this affects you. His salary is seen as joint household income.

Depending on the income you dont pay a tax charge- you have to pay it all back-plus a fine if not registered and paid on time.

So much was concerning about that post. Merging pensions is often not a good idea. You loose the life insurance aspect of many pensions (even historic ones)

Topping up 1 pension with taxed income is not a s beneficial as paying more into a live pension which employer contributes too

The advice on child benefit is wrong.

The OP needs to look very carefully at what her DH has done.

Tiramysu · 01/02/2022 07:44

@RowanAlong

Yes, I’d be annoyed that he hadn’t been upfront about how much of the family money he’s been putting away in his name. I’d be really annoyed that he hadn’t discussed this with you.
That's a good point. If it's an optional contribution he should have discussed it first
Abigail12345654321 · 01/02/2022 07:50

Those claiming he is sneaky and sly are bonkers!

Employer pensions schemes deduct the pension contribution pre-tax. He hasn’t been running off with £350 a month. He’s probably always paid into it and never given it a thought - as would any sensible person.

saveforthat · 01/02/2022 07:52

@tildaRae a defined benefit pension often gives a widows pension. With defined contribution the deceased will leave a pot value and should nominate a beneficiary to the trustees. They fall outside of an estate for inheritance tax and are not included in a will. There are always exceptions so you always need to check with your employer/pension provider

Tiramysu · 01/02/2022 07:53

@Abigail12345654321

Those claiming he is sneaky and sly are bonkers!

Employer pensions schemes deduct the pension contribution pre-tax. He hasn’t been running off with £350 a month. He’s probably always paid into it and never given it a thought - as would any sensible person.

He possibly didn't even have a choice, there's usually a minimum deduction
PollyPeePants · 01/02/2022 07:54

Perhaps he has just been paying in the normal pension contribution for his place of work? Sounds like it to me. Why are PPs talking about him being sneaky about hiding the fact he has been using family money to pay into his pension! Eh? Surely he is just doing the norm? Most places of work it is just a set contribution and the employer matches/ pays a bit more.
And as others have said, if it did come to a divorce, the pension pot needs to be considered.

whiteroseredrose · 01/02/2022 07:57

@TildaRae

If a spouse dies do you automatically get their pension?
No. It depends on the pension.

With some you can nominate different beneficiaries.

SallyMcNally · 01/02/2022 07:57

Exactly! I pay £500 a month into mine (10% of salary) but I don't have a choice other than just leaving the scheme. My employer pays 20% as well though so pulling out would be madness!

DH has a much worse scheme and only pays in 4% but it's still matched so it would be mad not to be in it.

It is a problem that your pension is so low and it would be good to work as family to find a way you can increase it. However it definitely makes sense for him to keep paying in. Please do make sure you are keeping up your NI contributions though.

Cocomarine · 01/02/2022 08:01

@GeneLovesJezebel pensions are held outwith the standard estate, you’re wrong.

Simonjt · 01/02/2022 08:02

@SallyMcNally

Exactly! I pay £500 a month into mine (10% of salary) but I don't have a choice other than just leaving the scheme. My employer pays 20% as well though so pulling out would be madness!

DH has a much worse scheme and only pays in 4% but it's still matched so it would be mad not to be in it.

It is a problem that your pension is so low and it would be good to work as family to find a way you can increase it. However it definitely makes sense for him to keep paying in. Please do make sure you are keeping up your NI contributions though.

Same here, I can join or pay extra (I do), but I can’t reduce my contributions below 10%.

I have no idea what % my husband pays into his pension or what his employer pays, he doesn’t know mine either, just like we don’t monitor each others tax or NI.

comfortablyfrumpy · 01/02/2022 08:10

As others have said, pensions are normally seen as part of the marital pot on divorce - so you wouldn't necessarily be disadvantaged on divorce.

Worth seeing a financial advisor though, IMO.

If you have taken time out of workplace to raise kids, it is normal that your pot will be smaller. Mine was, for the same reason. I am trying to make up for it now.

Swonderful · 01/02/2022 08:16

It depends on the pension. If he saving into a pension pot he can do income drawdown. That means you'll still have access if he dies early and there's money left. This is a very common situation. If you split up his pension is taken into account as part of the assets to be spilt up.

Redsquirrel5 · 01/02/2022 08:27

My husband has a much better pension than I do. I have some money put away - inheritance and savings. I was a stay at home mum for many years as he worked away from home. Then I worked part time as I needed to be home to pick the children up from school. I left my job over a year ago and plan to take my pension earlier. It was delayed due to circumstances( I am not the only one that left the workplace) but I am going to push for it now. The forecast was a lot less than I predicted. I worked in Education for over twenty years and expected more. So glad I have some savings.

Original poster
Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 08:36

@Simonjt

Halve the 350 and put it into your pension.

There won’t be £350 available due to tax relief, the family would literally be missing out on free money.

Exactly we would lose 32% on tax and ni
OP posts:
Original poster
Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 08:37

@Motnight not deliberately I don't think but it's assumed we will both benefit from it but obviously it's only in his name

OP posts:
Original poster
Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 08:39

@EinsteinaGogo how would it be shared? Do you mean when you retire or would you access it earlier to pay him his share? I literally have no idea of how pensions work.

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Original poster
Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 08:48

@Twizbe it is and my sons registered disabled so state pension should be fine. If it still exists in 30 years 😂

OP posts:
AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 01/02/2022 08:48

@echt

He's been a slyboots, hasn't he? Halve the 350 and put it into your pension.

Have a dekko at what his pension offers.

If he dies, you should get tax-free lump sum, pension for children up to 23 in education, and a survivor's pension for life. I say that, but I'm basing it on my experience of local authority pensions.

This is such a stupid comment. He's not been sly and you can't half the amount he pays in. It's a tax free deduction so can only be deducted from his salary. He's probably just planning for your future and putting as much away as he thinks you can both can afford and will benefit from the tax free payment and bigger pension pot in the future.

Talk to him about it.

Original poster
Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 08:51

@CurtainTroubles I could be wrong but I think ni is covered if you get carers allowance which I do. I hope I'm right!

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Original poster
Nopensiopottopiissin · 01/02/2022 08:54

@whiteworldgettingwhiter I never knew as I just see his wage after tax, pension etc it's only caus he was discussing increasing he mentioned it. The thing is we lost my mum two years ago and my inheritance has topped our bills up if needed, bought his car and paid for house repairs.

OP posts: