To feel so let down??

[OneMoreNameChangeWontHurt]

Long story short. I was in a very controlling abusive relationship with my sons dad until early last year. There was cheating, manipulating, verbal and physical abuse, gambling, prostitutes, drugs… basically any awful thing a person can do he did it.
My family (mum, stepdad and brother) were aware of all this and supported me throughout. At my worst point I broke down to my mum and brother. I told them at my most vulnerable point that I felt trapped. Like I couldn’t leave him as I’d been co-erced into having my ds (who, don’t get me wrong I love to the ends of the earth and wouldn’t be without). I told them I couldn’t be a single parent again, I’d have to give up my career I didn’t feel able to bring up another child on my own so I felt tied to this piece of shit for the foreseeable. They told me they would support me in any way they can. Practical things like getting ds to nursery in the mornings (as I worked unsociable shifts- nurse in nhs), so nursery opens at 7.30 am for example when my shift starts at 7.30 am. They said they would have ds between them when I worked long days or weekends. I NEVER asked for any of this nor expected it. How ever with their promises of support o found the strength to kick him out and focus on being a single mum. Fast forward almost a year following many disciplinary meetings and failure to turn up to my shifts I’ve now lost my job, my sons dad has nothing to do with him and I’m all alone. The promises to help lasted a few weeks. My brother sees ds a few times a month for an hour or so and my mum hasn’t seen or spoken to him since November. I just feel utterly let down. I feel if they hadn’t made these false promises, I’d be still living with a scumbag however it would have been entirely a co parenting thing and I’d have been able to continue my career etc. My son is obviously more important than any of that. I’m just left with nothing. No job, no co parent, no family really. I’m just fed up. Don’t know what I’m posting for I have nobody to speak to really

Thats such a shame, especially since you were let down by several people who said they'd help, and let you down so quickly.
Make sure you're not available to be helping others out too often.
Regardless, you've made the best decision to leave your ex dp, I hope things work out well for you and your dc, I'm sure they will

@OakRowan thanks for that. I think that’s it. I absolutely am glad I am out of that awful relationship and would never have had the confidence to do it without them. I am great full for that. I also fully get it’s not their responsibility to be there for my son, it may not have been sustainable. I do keep in frequent contact on a superficial level but I find my resentment grows with this as it’s all “what are you upto” and always get replies of “ oh joy much watching tv..” which is annoying to me as I (probably selfishly) think well Olof you’ve nothing outside work to do with your life surely you could have supported me to watch my son for 3 hours a week as you promised!!

Trying to find a kind of positive its better that the childcare hasn't worked out sooner, rather than halfway into a new job and life and you suddenly have to find new resources without getting into difficulties at work because they've stopped? You can do it, it'll be hard and there are costs, but you absolutely can re build everything and be happy. You've been let down, badly by vile ex and a bit by your family, but don't hang onto that as your day to day, it'll become a trap that won't help you with the energy for what's ahead. Maybe they'd be better babysitting in the evenings sometimes, or an overnight for you, so you can have an early night or a lie in? Keep asking them, so you can have a bit of time, but try and let go of them as your solution, a bit at a time. It'll get easier.

Yes you’re right i need to let go. The overnight/ evening thing they’ve also backed out of so I’ve just accepted it’s not going to happen. I really just wish I’d let the ex stay in my home at least then I’d have had someone to share the load with. I’d have someone (albeit a scumbag) to care for my son. Now it’s just me, him and my (very much) older child. It’s my son I feel most for. My job I can resume at a later date. My friends have proven to be not great but I can make new ones. My son is just 2 and has lost his dad, he now barely sees my family and my ex’s family have abandoned him also. I just feel if I’d have not listened to my familys promises he’s at least have people still in his life. Now he has nobody but me really. It’s shit

Your abusive ex is not a solution, or a safe person for your son to be around. Your life will change, the way you are seeing it now isn't how it will always be I promise. Are you getting any outside support, have you looked into it, GP, Women's Aid, counselling or therapy? You and your son are a family, you are all he needs. You'll get some free nursery hours now he is 2, not many but that allowed me to slowly go back to work at that stage, living on my own with my DS. It won't always be like this. Don't go over and over again on thinking about the things you can't change, accept your family aren't helping and look for a new solution as quickly as you can. look ahead. You did it, a new start and safety, already you are further on. Seek some support from people who do that for a living.

If I’m being honest I don’t know many people that get that much help from family, I think you will have to look into paid for help as you can’t rely on anyone but yourself

I’m on a waiting list for therapy. I’ve many issues form the relationship that I realise I need to deal with. I totally understand what you mean about him out being a solution. He’s not. He’s the root of the problem.
It’s just heartbreaking when my son is constantly asking “where’s my daddy?” “Where’s nana?” “Can I see uncle x” “nobody likes me anymore “.. “why doesn’t anybody come see me now”.
He’s gone from having full time nursery, 2 full families including grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, half sibling. To nothing. And I know I may BU but I can’t help but attribute all this to the false promises I was given: and low my boy is suffering as a consequence of that

@RedCandyApple I knkw a lot of people who get help from family. I never expected it of mine, I’ve always been very independent. but when the shit hit the fan and they offered it I at least expected them to follow through. I can’t afford paid help I’m without a job atm I think I just have to accept this is my life now. It’s just awful as I’ve said they’ve completely backtracked from everything including my son. It’s not fair to him

YABU to keep it going as false promises. Let it go. He is your responsibility, his family life with your relatives isn't over. He needs you, he has you. If you want more change what you can. I dont have any family support, lots of women don't, I don't mean that as ah well you should think yourself lucky for what you had, its not a competition, I just mean its an adjustment to go from what you've had to this, but this is totally do able and the reality for loads of families and single mums. I agree with @RedCandyApple. You can make it better for your son without focusing on what you see as negatives. Its a transition, not permanent isolation for either of you. Get some support.

I'm 2 years on from you, with a 4 year old, started from scratch after leaving a bad relationship. No family, no help other than the free hours, no nights off, no babysitter, you can do it. Nursery hours got me back at work part time, some of that I cam do at home too when he's not in, more when he starts school. Accept it and move forward. Your feelings are so strong, understandable, but he needs you and you can do it, for both your children. Only you can do that. It gets easier, it fades, what you're feeling now, if you let it.

Ok thank you

You’re right. It’s not permanent isolation it’s temporary. Think I needed to hear that (though it felt a bit like a telling off ). I’m just feeling sorry for myself I think, but more so feeling bad for my son. I will get my life back together somehow. It’s just a bit more difficult for a toddler to rationalise how he’s been abandoned by basically every person he had in his life. Time to go it totally alone I guess.

Its not a telling off. You are capable, you've worked, you'll do that again. You haven't lost your own family, he hasn't lost them, they haven't cut either of you off. Keep at it to find some new ways for him to spend them with them if that's what you need too. You're right in the thick of it and you're thinking is distorted, negative and so certain, unmoveable, but that'll change. No idea what you're on a waiting list for but see if you can get on a CBT list, to help learn some useful ways of re framing your thinking as your situation improves, you can usually self refer through your GP/form online. Talk to Women's Aid too.
Its not as bad as you think it is, I promise.

Not quite the same as you OP, but I watched my parents (mostly my mum) be very hands on with my sisters child, right from birth , several nights a week sleep overs etc, so sister could catch up on sleep, hang out with friends, afternoon drinking, etc, etc. this went on for years.

When it was my turn, nothing. Not a single sleepover until DC was over 2, and then it was strict drop off time and I had to put to bed, and be there early next morning. No help with nursery drop offs so I could get to work or college on time

Fast forward a few years and me and DC are really close and have a lovely time together.
Parents are put out that no one wants to stay at theirs quel surprise.

You’ll get there OP but it does sting

Thank you you are absolutely right with the distorted thinking. I have been advised to speak to woman’s aid before just feel a bit of a fraud, I haven’t been physically abused as such I’m sure there’s many more deserving women needing of their support.
It does sting theplumvan but as you alluded to it’s their loss I guess

Sorry won’t let me tag