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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lose my rag

18 replies

Glitterspy · 31/01/2022 20:51

Sometimes. Rarely. But when I do I shout, CDs cry and I end up feeling like the worst mother on earth.

Nobody talks about this so am I being unreasonable to think I’m the only one who is a perfectly normal and sane-ish mum most of the time, but then just blows their stack once in a while?

Example: DH is out, it’s nearly bedtime. I’ve been asking the kids to get their pjs on for a while, that’s not been achieved yet but at least we are upstairs. One DC has a headache and we are discussing how far from the whiteboard they sit at school, whether they need to start wearing glasses again, seeing if their old glasses still fit. In the background my other (younger) DC is getting louder with “Mummy mummy mummy watch me, watch me mummy” etc.

I ask them to wait as I’m talking to the older one. This continues on until all of a sudden I’m shouting, the younger one’s crying and saying I make them feel bad, and here we are. Older DC is waiting it out with a sort of “phew at least it wasn’t me” look.

Immediately I calmed down and apologised, explained I shouldn’t have lost it and that my brain felt overwhelmed in that moment. We had hugs and everything returned to calm.

This is something I’d love to stop doing. I’d love to keep patient and calm always, never lose it, never frighten them. It’s like in that moment I have no thoughts of taking a deep breath, counting to 10 etc. I go from calm calm calm to raaargh in 1 second.

Am I the only one who does this?

OP posts:

Liz1tummypain · 31/01/2022 20:56

Well you know it's an issue so there is that. TBH my kids are all grown up so I know I don't get this any more but I'm sure what you do is going to be the same for most mums. Sorry I can't give you any advice. Hang in there. When they get older it'll get easier to deal with their competing demands.

LuckyAmy1986 · 31/01/2022 20:57

Why were the pjs not put on the first time you asked?
And personally I would have told them
To wait, as you did. If they went on I would have said if you carry on then (insert punishment) maybe you just need to be a bit firmer? Then they will listen to you and you won’t get into these situations where you need to shout

pompey38 · 31/01/2022 21:01

You are perfectly normal , even more than for apologising. I never did and they’re alive and well 😂

Original poster

Glitterspy · 31/01/2022 21:01

Very little ever gets done the first time I ask!

If you’ve cracked that one I need to know how

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 31/01/2022 21:02

Are you worse around period time ?

Steelesauce · 31/01/2022 21:07

I lose it sometimes. All my friends have admitted to losing it too. Children push buttons we didn't even know we had sometimes!

LuckyAmy1986 · 31/01/2022 21:07

What happens if they don’t do what you ask? Do you just keep asking over and again or are there consequences?

LillyBugg · 31/01/2022 21:10

This is literally me. I think it's pretty normal isn't it? Sometimes the monotony of the same situations over and over just get to me and I feel suddenly overwhelmed and I 'snap' as it were.

3scape · 31/01/2022 21:23

You shouldn't need to lose your temper at a child to ask them to wait.

Lolabray · 31/01/2022 21:24

I did this a lot when my kids were little not so much now older

newnameforthis76 · 31/01/2022 21:27

This is pretty much what I’d expect from a frazzled mum whose kids were being a pain and not doing as they were told. Totally normal. You’re human! And I don’t think it’s a problem that your DC said you made them feel bad … they’re supposed to feel bad if they’ve been behaving like that. You can have hugs and apologies afterwards of course, but they do need to know that their behaviour wasn’t OK.

rightsideoftheroad · 31/01/2022 21:28

Yes. Only on MN do parents not shout at their kids or argue with their DPs.

SockFluffInTheBath · 31/01/2022 21:37

@rightsideoftheroad

Yes. Only on MN do parents not shout at their kids or argue with their DPs.

This with bells on. Most of us have been there even if some don’t want to admit it on PerfectMummies.com and feel the frustration in your post. It’s hard being a mum, especially when they’re at that god awful ‘mum mum mum mum mum mum’ stage.

Pjs on now and stay up for an hour, or not do as you’re told and go straight upstairs. The little buggers need boundaries, you’re their mum not their BFF. And have some

Bobachox · 31/01/2022 21:44

Don’t feel guilty…they were being bratty, not doing what they were told and probably deserved it. You’re only human.

WTF475878237NC · 31/01/2022 22:08

It depends how often this happens as being shouted at repeatedly to the point of tears is horrible. I wonder if they'll remember growing up in a shouty household or if they'll say mum rarely lost her temper. If you'd like to stop you need to practise more effective techniques for them to do what they're told.

hangrylady · 31/01/2022 22:14

You're a human being stop being so hard on yourself. YANBU but I'm sure the perfect specimens will be along soon to tell you it's abuse or some shit.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 31/01/2022 22:17

@rightsideoftheroad

Yes. Only on MN do parents not shout at their kids or argue with their DPs.

This

Try to zone out from the sanctimony that will occupy half this thread within the hour.

Frazzled50yrold · 31/01/2022 22:18

It's the loss of control and the way you seem to be overwhelmed by your anger which is concerning and I gather from your post that it also concerns you. I agree with other posters that things seem to build up until you're at breaking point and you need to examine how not to reach that level.
It may not be abnormal but it's best not to parent in this way.

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