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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that SIL tells us how she wants us to use her presents???

20 replies

Gameboy · 30/12/2007 11:08

This years present to DH and I is a large swamp-green vase (probably from John Lewis, and probably quite expensive). Nice thought, well meant, yuo might say, but the attached card read, "This present is for your living room - we think it will look beautiful in there..."

As a one-off, I could probably let it pass, but this is another in a series of presents over the years - a picture 'for the far wall of your bedroom'; 'a picture for your dining room, above the sideboard'; 'a picture frame for the hallway'.

It's now really beginning to annoy me. Our lives are very different, and our approach to homes is too. Hers is a very minimalist, one-toy-out-at-a-time sort of place, which with only one daughter is perfectly achieveable. Ours is a rambling, constant mess of our sons' trappings and toys.

She doesn't work, and her hobby is cruising shops and buying 'pieces' for her home. I work part-time and am involved with the school/ PTA etc, and have different priorities. With two boys under 8, I'm not too keen on having lots of ornaments and expensive stuff around at the moment.

I feel that by 'recommending' the placement of her presents she is actually being rather rude, and in effect saying, "We think your home looks crap at the mo, but with a bit of input from me, we'll soon smarten it up.."

We'll be seeing them tomorrow, and I know she'll ask about the vase, and I'm sooooooo tempted to say, "Oh yes, thank you, it's lovely. But we thought it would look PERFECT in the downstairs loo which nobody ever uses...."

AIBU ?

OP posts:

newnamefornewyearbookwormmum · 30/12/2007 11:12

Not at all. Don't give into her - as well-meaning as it possibly is, it's your house. Every time you use her ideas you'll be irritated every time you see it. Thank her and pass em on to someone else.

wb · 30/12/2007 11:13

No YANBU - she does sound a bit controlling. Still, wouldn't get steamed up about it, just tell her the vase is lovely and put it where you want it.

cazboldy · 30/12/2007 11:13

no. it's your home, and not hers!

have to say I would probably be extra mean and ask her if i could exchange it - explaining that you have "very different tastes!"

08aGreatYearForCarmenere · 30/12/2007 11:14

She obviously defines herself by her interior design skills . I would just ignore it tbh. Or else tell her that your boys had a fight and broke it 20 minutes after it was unwrapped

WanderingHolly · 30/12/2007 11:19

Controlling woman.

Maybe she's just trying to show you she's put thought into it?

Mind you, I don't go present buying with the thought, right, now what will go nicely on the left side of their mantelpiece? Where do I find the perfect gift for the downstairs bathroom, on the the wall, next to the loo roll holder? Shall I buy for their kitchen, or spare bedroom this year?

Next year buy her socks.

"I thought these would go nicely over your head on your feet."

WanderingHolly · 30/12/2007 11:21

Actually, she doesn't buy you presents, does she?

She buys for your walls and furniture.

Next year, send a card to her washing machine.

differentYearbutthesamecack · 30/12/2007 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

discoverlife · 30/12/2007 11:28

Ask for the receipt so you can change it, if she moans, tell her it was a lovely idea BUT it doesn't go with the decor and its change it or put it in the attic never to see the light of day again.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/12/2007 17:58

As I one or two off I could argue she is trying to be helpful, but every time? No, too controlling. If you like the case, put it where you want and if you don't like it, take it back. JL will give you a credit note without a receipt.

hunkermunker · 30/12/2007 18:00

PMSL at card to washing machine.

It sounds like she's not got enough to do - can you buy her a piglet?

southeastastra · 30/12/2007 18:04

lol hunker!

she sound like a loon gameboy, buy a massive bunch of ugly flowers and arrange them so you can't see the vase at all.

Twiglett · 30/12/2007 18:04

am I the only one who thinks that's rather thoughtful and lovely

it's like she's been out especially to buy the perfect something and pictures it in situ and imagines that the pleasure she'd get from it is the pleasure you'd get from it

don't think it's controlling unless she comes in and takes it from where you put it and puts it where she thinks it works best

think you're being rather churlish

(but then who am I to talk my mother sent my DD a parasol with bits hanging off it which would entail a total redecoration to find somewhere to put it .. and she just grabbed it from her shop)

denbury · 30/12/2007 18:05

take it back to JL and get something for yourself and a little something for her and tell her it would nice in her lounge.

WigWamBam · 30/12/2007 18:19

At least she bought something particularly with you in mind, and I think that's quite nice. Some thought had gone into it, and isn't that partly what's important?

My sister gave us a leather notebook (I'm veggie so don't do leather) with PORSCHE splashed all over it ... it still had the label inside from where it had been given to my BIL as a corporate freebie. I know which type of gift I would prefer ...!

mummy2olivia · 30/12/2007 18:24

swamp green? nice.

morningpaper · 30/12/2007 18:28

I think that's quite nice, why not go along with her? It will make her feel that she's got you something special - she's obviously gone to a lot of thought. If you house is 'rambling and messy' then an extra 'thing' won't make much difference, but will show her you appreciate the thought.

OR you can swap it with my Holly Oven Glove that I got from my in-laws. Which I guess they thought would go on my oven. I know what I'd prefer...

dejags · 30/12/2007 18:37

I am in the "it's a very sweet and thoughtful thing to do" camp.

She sounds as if she really makes a big effort when buying gifts. I really don't think any offence was intended, most likely, she'd be mortified if she knew how you feel.

If it were me, I'd accept the gift with the spirit in which it was given.

fireflyfairy2 · 30/12/2007 19:46

My SIL bought me the most beautiful petrol blue vase 2 years ago for christmas. I love it. There's nothing blue in my livingroom though, but it looked perfect in there. Until one day I decided I needed a vase on the hall window & placed it there...it looks great there too! Sil saw it on her last visit & was thrilled that it could be seen from outside on my hall window!

Last year she bought me a brown leather photo frame. when I got round to putting a photo in it the leg of it tore off I never mentioned it to her & just put it in a bag in the hotpress.

This Christmas she bought me another one

I think it's nice that she goes out with you in mind & picks something especially for you...better than an en masse selection of smellies & just doling them out first come first served!

tortoiseSHELL · 30/12/2007 19:49

I think she sounds nice actually, you aren't compelled to put it there, but she has obviously put some thought into it. She may have really thought about your colour scheme, and tried to buy something with that in mind.

If you want to put it somewhere else, you are at liberty to do so!!!!

AbbeyA · 30/12/2007 19:56

I shouldn't get upset about it. Thank her and put it where ever you want, she is unlikely to comment but if she does just smile sweetly and tell you think you have the perfect place for it-there is nothing she can say to that!

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