Stopped contact with sons dad - coping

[Appleofmyeye05]

Hi everyone just posting here for traffic.

I have previously posted here about my sons dad and I have stopped contact between them now as my ex is clearly a drug addict and alcoholic and cannot provide a safe environment or meet my sons care needs.

He rarely has nappies and wipes for my son and is usually asking to lend money from me to buy these and food. He is really poorly at the moment is my ex and I think it’s from his lifestyle habits and a few people who have seen him recently say he is looking deathly ill. He also has an infected nose as he has a hole in his septum and it has spread to his eye.

So I was letting my son go see his dad on the basis that my ex wasn’t using anymore but as time has ticked on I have realised he is back using again and back to letting my son down so I’ve put a stop to it. I think I have stopped contact about 3 times now. But I feel like I’m struggling with the decision.

Am I causing my son damage by not allowing him to see his dad or will I be causing him damage by sending him to his dads. I know that I’ve made the right decision by keeping my son safe but I feel like everything is getting to me at the moment.

I feel quite down and snappy because I’m stressed as my ex contacts me giving me abuse (he was abusive In all ways during our relationship) and his mother has also started texting me asking me to go round to hers with my son which I won’t do. I don’t reply but I feel like he’s getting into my head and making me doubt myself and the choice I’ve made and the reasons why.

I know he loves his son but he is just so half arsed about it. He’s not bothered about letting him down at the last minute or cancelling seeing him on his birthday and covid has just given him another excuse. More often than not he’s hungover when I’d drop my son off and wearing last nights clothes and it’s just not good enough. My son is 2 by the way so I can imagine my ex would be shouting at him whilst he’s hungover and tired.

Does anyone have any of their own stories they can share or any advice they can give as my head is so jumbled

I can see this us a few months old but was searching for something similar for advice...how are things going? I think you're right in no contact it sounds as if due to his addictions your son will be neglected, when they're hungover they fall asleep too letting them just roam around.
My ex has sober days but it gets worse on and off...I'm moving out and he sayswants our 21 month old every other night. He has nights where he drinks and does coke and I'm terrified of something bad happening while my son is with him. If I told him now he can't have him every other night he'll go off on one at least if I've moved out I wont be living with it all. I don't want to keep him from his dad, I just want him to be safe and unsure I can trust he will be. Hope you're feeling bit better OP

I think you’ve done the right thing. In my mind I couldn’t live with myself if something bad happened whilst ex was supposed to be looking after dc. Young children need supervising all the time, if ex cannot do that, then sorry no way would I let my dc go to him. Let him take you to Court.