Freaking out about returning to office

[Squidgames4U]

It's just been announced we're returning to the office next week after 2 years of working from home.

It will be a different building to the one we were in, our team will no longer have their own office / space, and we will be hot desking with another, larger team, made up of people I don't know.

We will be based on the ground floor, with toilets and tea / coffee / microwave facilities on first floor.

Thing is. I suffer with incontinence which has got significantly worse during lockdown after a failed surgery to try and improve just over a year ago. I wet myself, at home, at least once a day, and its a close call a number of other times a day too. Having to go up a flight of stairs to get to the toilet will mean I will rarely be able to make it without an accident. I, obviously, wear incontinence products, but these aren't great, and fine if it's a small accident - but if it's a larger one they won't save it.

I'm completely freaking out and don't know how to manage it. My management know of the issue, obviously, but their suggestion is to basically carry a rucksack of a change of clothes with me at all times - so I will need to grab this every time I rush to the toilet just in case - not very subtle in a full office.

AIBU to raise this as a disability issue? Insist on a downstairs toilet being provided (not perfect solution, but will make it somewhat easier)?

Can they provide a downstairs toilet? Without exstensive costs and build work? Would a locker in the loo upstairs work better?

I think yes if this is longer term which it is you can raise it as a disability issue and ask for reasonable adjustments, bt think though what those are.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're facing this, I can understand why it's stressful.

I know you use products, but have you tried something more absorbent? The pants aren't as bulky or nasty as they used to be, they're absolutely fine, and they can hold so much liquid. You should never have to get to the point where you have a leak onto your clothes.

Oh goodness OP, this does sound stressful. I'm so sorry the surgery doesn't help.

Yes, I'd raise it as a disability issue. The employer has to make "reasonable" adjustments but I don't know whether that would include a downstairs toilet. But you have been pursuing a medical solution and so far your condition has worsened--that is "new" information that the employer needs to take into account, rather than assuming it's like it used to be.

If you were returning to your old office, do you think you'd be happy to return, or is working outside the home anywhere an issue?

Do you think there might be advantages (for example, to your mental health) to being able to return to the office? Continued WFH might be a solution to the current problem, but OTOH feeling trapped in your own house by your medical condition, and by the inadequacy of incontinence products, might not be great for you either?

Have you been offered any further treatment for your condition?

Sorry, this is a lot of questions--you don't have to answer them here, I'm just thinking of what your employers might ask. Basically you want to make clear to them that you want to keep working, but that you are in need of reasonable adjustments as you have a long-term medical condition affecting your day to day life, and this has changed during the WFH period.

good luck!

Surely they need to make reasonable adjustments for you? Can your team not hot desk on a floor with toilets?

What are their plans for disabled people who need to use the toilets and can't make it up the stairs? It sounds like they may be in breach of equality legislation unless there's a downstairs toilet for disabled users, and if there is you should be allowed to use that.

Entirely reasonable to contact HR and request that you be placed in an office near to the toilet on account of your physical health issues. Your managers solution to simply change your clothes when you wet yourself is not good enough. You are entitled to privacy and dignity in managing your condition. As for insisting they provide a toilet on the ground floor, this would require building and plumbing so not a short term solution although there should be a toilet on every floor I agree.

Long term , in around a year, we will move to our office upstairs. Our previous office was literally next door to the toilet so I was perfectly happy with that. But returning to that one isn't an option.

I use incontinence pants (well, a nappy basically!), but they don't hold a "full wee" as it were. Heavy dribbles, yes, but not a full flow wee. I sometimes wear a large pad too if going out, but this wouldn't be comfortable for a working day.

I hadn't thought about what about other disabled staff members! It's a building that has been repurposed for us to work in and obviously not been thought through! Will raise this for sure. And the idea of asking for a locker in the toilets is great - no idea why I didn't think of that. That's something quite simple that will be so helpful.

You have a health issue / disability and should raise it with HR. What would have done before WFH?

You should seek an occupational health referral with recommendations to your employer for your suitability and adaptions for your return to the office. You should be covered under the disabilities act x

You’ve had some really great suggestions already but I don’t think you need to look at other on Incontinence options as there are products out there that would a hold a full wee. I don’t mean instead of work making reasonable adjustments but as well as for peace of mind.
I have the other type of incontinence and honestly wfh has been a god send. We’re back this week as well.

@FawnFrenchieMum WFH has been an utter godsend to me too. I would feel more comfortable if I would be sitting in an office with my team, but we'll be scattered around other people. My team are amazing and I know would be really supportive.

Without going into too many details to out me, I think adding a downstairs toilet would actually be really easy for them. So I've started by dropping an email to Estate manager asking if there is disabled toilet access on ground floor being planned - rather than going in fighting and freaking which I was before I started this thread.

Thank you very much to everyone for being kind, and helping me stop freaking about it

They need to make reasonable adjustments, but it sounds like you need to speak with your medical team (gp or specialist) about better care products if they are being provided as they should not leak. Dsd wears them and it's rare to have a leak, perhaps once a month. If a downstairs toilet cannot be provided then a locker inside the toilets upstairs seems a next best solution so you don't need to take clothes upstairs. I would also suggest using the period cycling shorts under clothes as an extra protection layer so only they need changing rather than the more obvious outer clothes

This sounds like a disability issue to me. What is your relationship with your line manager like? If good, could you speak to them to ask if you could permanently WFH? Assuming it's not detrimental to your work or your position in the team, they must surely consider that a reasonable adjustment?

Can you get an OH assessment and discuss options with them? This is exactly what they are there for.

Are there any teams upstairs? A fixed desk near the toilets is a very simple adjustment they can likely do straight away.