Hello everyone. I don’t know where to turn to for perspective - I live alone and don’t have many people to ask, so I thought I’d give this a try.
My engagement ended on Wednesday.
I suffer with PTSD, due to a previous violent relationship. My partner was aware of this…
Anyway, she came to live with me last year, we were engaged at Christmas. She had been caring for her Mother who has COPD, before she came here. She told me that things were getting bad, that she’d even been considering poisoning her mother’s drink because she couldn’t take it anymore. In hindsight, yes, this should have been a red flag. But I put it down to the stress she was under.
Her mother, though bedridden, had bought a little dog a couple of years ago. I’ll call him Bruno for the purpose of this thread. My ex worked full time when she lived with her mother, and Bruno was left all day, unable to even get into the garden or get fresh water. My ex’s Mum began to not like the dog, saying she hoped he’d run into the road, that he doesn’t ‘cut it’, and generally just horrible things. She had bought the dog, but the chip was in my ex’s name.
Anyway. My ex and the dog came to live with me. The dog was not up to date with vaccinations, my ex never walked him, she shouted at him, didn’t give him much attention etc. He hadn’t been trained, or neutered. He didn’t even have his own lead, he had a pink one which belonged to one of my ex’s previous female dogs. He was extremely nervous as well. I felt very sorry for him, because it was apparent that they hadn’t cared for him properly. She’d even been walking him without his vaccinations having been done. I couldn’t believe it. He was also on the skinny side (spine showing).
I immediately bonded with the dog. It was like he’d been mine from the beginning. I got his vaccines sorted out straight away, walked him several times a day. He has a few favourite parks now. He’s put weight on, he isn’t anywhere near as nervous. He’s a confident dog, because of the work I’ve put into showing him that he is ‘good’ and ‘worthy’. I should note that I also had to apply for permission to keep him in my home as my dog, which I was granted. I’ve done everything for him, basically.
My ex transferred his chip into my name, the vets registered in my name, groom room etc. I kitted him out with a new lead, a collar, a tag (he didn’t have one before), a harness (because he would pull on the lead and choke). I really invested. I fell in love with him, and him me. My ex even commented that it was too much, that me and the dog were inseparable, that he had bad separation anxiety and would howl when I went out.
When she left, she wanted to take him with her. I stood my ground. I know he is settled and loved with me. The chip is transferred to me, and I care for him. He would get no walks with her, he wouldn’t be cared for as he is here.
The police came out, told her she couldn’t take him, told her it’s a civil matter because he’s chipped to my name.
She’s since begged for him back, and I stood firm and said ‘he is my dog, you relinquished ownership when you gave him to me’.
She has now said that there will be no court, she gives her blessing, that I have ‘won’, and we are no longer in contact.
I’m scared though, that she will try. It’s causing me bad anxiety.
On top of that, I’m obviously left licking my wounds and broken heart, despite her being a nightmare. I’m kicking myself for being with her, but I miss her as well. I’d never go back, though - she wasn’t good for me.
She had problems and even had an assessment at the mental ward when she was here. Her mood swings were horrendous, and I’d get the brunt of them. (But that’s a separate issue).
I’ve cried for days and been feeling very lonely. But I guess that’s just life.
Sorry for this being so long, any advice or opinions would be more than appreciated. I’ve been left so high and dry by this unstable person as well.