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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the pandemic has started a whole new breed of ultra pushy parents or is it just me?

35 replies

Montana7 · 31/01/2022 12:04

Anyone agree? Just going from out own circle, dd's friends normal sane parents have gone into total pushy parent mode & there's a tribe of them at the school gates now comparing notes...

OP posts:
Echobelly · 31/01/2022 12:05

Not that I've noticed, but I'm not very observant of these things!

How do you mean pushy? As in over-programming their kids, having inflated expectations, boasting about kids or all of the above?

SleepingStandingUp · 31/01/2022 12:06

Pushy to get them to catch up do you mean? So buying in hell?

SleepingStandingUp · 31/01/2022 12:06

Help not hell

KindergartenKop · 31/01/2022 12:07

Maybe they've just realised the importance of their kid's education?

Itsalmostanaccessory · 31/01/2022 12:09

I'm seeing this a little, I dont think it is the same style of pushy as before the school closures. So, so many children are behind and they're going to be feeling that for a long time to come so parents want then to catch up. I'm worried about my kids and the amount of work they missed because their school's idea of home learning was to send out a booklet with words lists, and a reading book each week along with doing maths on the sumdog app. They didnt actually provide schoolwork. I was on my knees financially due to covid but scrimped and saved to pay for a homeschool subscription for each of my kid's year groups and it took them through the curriculum with lessons and supporting worksheets and add on tasks so my 2 have covered the work, but they were never taught it in school by a teacher.

I know a lot of kids who did no work at all, or only did the spelling lists because that's all the school provided.

I can understand pushy parents at the school gates because they're in a panic about how much the kids have fallen behind the standard of the years who came before them.

Original poster
Montana7 · 31/01/2022 12:10

Just pushing every after school activity, dd's friends said their parents are giving them additional schoolwork, making statements about what high flying careers the dc will have etc..

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 31/01/2022 12:12

I expect they've been a bit more up close and personal with their children's education than usual, because of lockdown homeschooling. So they've become very engaged and invested in their children's progress. Not necessarily a bad thing in itself!

Original poster
Montana7 · 31/01/2022 12:15

@Itsalmostanaccessory

I'm seeing this a little, I dont think it is the same style of pushy as before the school closures. So, so many children are behind and they're going to be feeling that for a long time to come so parents want then to catch up. I'm worried about my kids and the amount of work they missed because their school's idea of home learning was to send out a booklet with words lists, and a reading book each week along with doing maths on the sumdog app. They didnt actually provide schoolwork. I was on my knees financially due to covid but scrimped and saved to pay for a homeschool subscription for each of my kid's year groups and it took them through the curriculum with lessons and supporting worksheets and add on tasks so my 2 have covered the work, but they were never taught it in school by a teacher.

I know a lot of kids who did no work at all, or only did the spelling lists because that's all the school provided.

I can understand pushy parents at the school gates because they're in a panic about how much the kids have fallen behind the standard of the years who came before them.

You sound like a fabulous mum, our school was similar, I took out a twinkl subscription & found it very useful.. It's more like boasting about what they're squeezing in & the cost etc... Their dc would be high achievers anyway...
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 31/01/2022 12:16

@Montana7

Just pushing every after school activity, dd's friends said their parents are giving them additional schoolwork, making statements about what high flying careers the dc will have etc..
How old?
WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow · 31/01/2022 12:22

@Montana7

Just pushing every after school activity, dd's friends said their parents are giving them additional schoolwork, making statements about what high flying careers the dc will have etc..
See I wouldn’t automatically call that “pushy”. As pps have said, a lot of children have fallen behind in their learning over the last almost two years and most clued in parents will want to help them catch up. There’s also nothing wrong with linking education now to career options as an adult.

I think you have to remember too that lockdowns/limited social opportunities have had an impact on children's social development so encouraging after school activities doesn’t seem an unreasonable thing to do either.

Whoopsies · 31/01/2022 12:27

Actually I've found the opposite, everyone is more focussed on the kids just being happy and sociable!

Original poster
Montana7 · 31/01/2022 12:28

I totally understand that & completely agree, it just seems like this particular group of parents (who I've no doubt have their kids very best interests at heart) have become insufferable & seem to be competing with each other now!

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 31/01/2022 12:37

If it is the parents who would have been "tiger parents" had there not been lockdowns and closures, then they've missed a couple years of clubs and extra curriculars and extra school work. They've also missed a couple years of being able to brag about it. They're maybe just doing it extra hard now to make up for all that missed time!

But as I said, I've not seen that. I've just seen parents who are clearly concerned and are pushing now because we're back in schools and they want their kids to catch up.

Velvian · 31/01/2022 12:38

No I haven't found that. Personally, I think the government are pushing schools too hard on 'catching up' and the social, emotional and developmental aspects are neglected. That's what I'm focusing on and DCs' friends parents have been very receptive and enthusiastic to proposed social events.

AddingMustard · 31/01/2022 12:40

My DD has started doing a lot of after school activities. She missed nearly 2 years and very upset about it. She has asked to continue with the one club she did before but wanted to try out 3 others. We made a deal that she can do them but if her school work suffers she has to drop one.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2022 12:51

Agree, and lots of parents seem to think their child is the only one who's missed out. So for example I run a swim school and immediately that pools opened, got a lot of 'Cora hasn't been able to swim for two years so is behind' messages. What, like everyone else then?

Needacuppanow · 31/01/2022 12:52

I have turned into this parent.
I am also a teacher.
The amount of catching up to do will never happen.
I prioritise what my DC needs to catch up on and we do a little extra. I have gone from anti-homework at primary school to doing extra bits and pieces at home sometimes. I just want the best for DC and ar some point, will dip in and out of it.

Original poster
Montana7 · 31/01/2022 13:02

Very good responses on here & I totally emphasise with parents, we're in the same boat & @arethereanyleftatall the swimming was a big deal for usBlush waiting lists are huge in our area & was anxious for them to learn...

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Itsalmostanaccessory · 31/01/2022 13:12

@Montana7

Very good responses on here & I totally emphasise with parents, we're in the same boat & *@arethereanyleftatall* the swimming was a big deal for usBlush waiting lists are huge in our area & was anxious for them to learn...
That's really unfair.

When our local pool opened back up, your kid was just put back into the class they were in before closures (and you were asked to confirm you still want them in) and then they added an extra 2 class each day to cover the demand for all the little kids who had now grown up a bit.

But our pool closes to the public monday to friday after school and only runs swimming lessons. Then back to public swim for a couple evening hours. Maybe easier for them to fit everyone in.

Original poster
Montana7 · 31/01/2022 13:19

Once our pool opened up it literally was first come first served but mine were complete beginners so hadn't been enrolled previously.... But the wait list for new beginners is huge still, I'd imagine the previous classes were just allotted back into their pre closure classes...

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Itsalmostanaccessory · 31/01/2022 13:21

That just sucks. I thought adding more classes would have been the standard response from council run pools. There isnt a wait list as such at ours, unless you want a specific day and time and that day and exact time class is full.

jytdtysrht · 31/01/2022 13:23

Does it matter to you OP?
They can parent how they want. So can you.
The pandemic has both exposed and exacerbated problems in schools.

neverbeenskiing · 31/01/2022 13:25

A lot of my DD (8)'s friends seem to have very intense schedules of extra-curricular activities since the pandemic. Her best friend is rarely available for playdates anymore as she does dance, gymnastics or music lessons every evening during the week and weekends are taken up with shows and competitions. Then she gets jealous and cross with DD when she has other friends over instead of her. Makes me feel a bit sorry for her really. I do wonder when some DC have time to just play.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2022 13:26

Well. We're a year behind. Where once there was eg 400 x 4 year olds as beginners, after pools had been closed for a year, there was now 400x5 yr olds plus 400x 4 year olds as beginners. Same pool space.
I'm doing as many group classes as possible to get through them, and have dropped the 'hyacinth needs a private lesson to help her breaststroke legs' type requests to prioritise more children learning to swim.
In response to your op, op, one parent has offered me £50 per lesson to help her (7yo) dd improve her dive. I've told her politely, no, as I have better priorities at the moment.

Original poster
Montana7 · 31/01/2022 13:50

Agree about the lack of playtime... However this particular group of parents are hyper organised so I'm sure it's in the schedule somewhere.. I guess I can relate to what @neverbeenskiing is saying regarding lack of availability for playdates...dc 2 is bffs with two girls from this group & it's the same thing, they're just too busy to come for tea...

OP posts: