AIBU to still be off sick

[judyf86]

My mother has never really been one to pander to sickness and I was lucky as a child to never be ill. When I had surgery when I was 6, I had to be at the hospital from 1pm so she made me go to school that morning.

I became unwell with an infection around 5 weeks ago and I'm still not feeling great. I was signed off from my job (which is stressful) and I'm really not a whole lot better.

My mum has been quite vocal about me 'skiving' work and that it's ridiculous I'm getting full pay to watch boxsets all day. I'm still sleeping loads and have low energy and DH is completely sympathetic and supportive but my mum's attitude is niggling at me. She's past retirement age but still works full time and is one of these 'haven't had a sick day in 20 years' martyrs.

We are generally close and speak often so I didn't want to lie about being off.

I've just been seen by the doctor and signed off for another two weeks and my first thought is immediate guilt.

Do you feel you could be honest with her and tell her that her comments and judgment really affects you? I know I'd struggle with my mother as she'd likely scoff and tell me I was being dramatic or causing an argument. OTOH she may be genuinely ignorant to how she's coming across

I think your mum needs to realise that you’re not a child and that your working arrangements are really not for her to comment on. She also might want to consider that if you’re unwell enough that a doctor, who knows way more than your mum does, has signed you off - so if she actually wants to be a supportive mum a bit of sympathy and concern wouldn’t go amiss. I think I would be inclined to point all this out if it were my mum.

I don't think this is a fight you can win. Some people just have a fixed mindset on certain topics. You won't change her mind so I'd just not refer to it or shut conversation down on the matter if she raises it 'The GP said I need rest so signed me off'.

Actually yes, my MiL did this recently!

"How are you feeling?"
"Not great, I'm not going into work tomorrow in case I end up testing positive for covid."
"Are you going to work from home?"

No! Am I hell! I've completely lost my voice and I'm hacking up green slime. I'm going to lie in bed and read.

You and your doctor have decided you're not well enough to be at work. Therefore, that's what matters. She's not the expert.

I had this with my Dad last year, when I suffered a period of burnout/depression. He thought I 'should be over all of that by now', which really wasn't helpful. It's affected our relationship, to be honest. :(

@ToykotoLosAngeles

Actually yes, my MiL did this recently!

"How are you feeling?"
"Not great, I'm not going into work tomorrow in case I end up testing positive for covid."
"Are you going to work from home?"

No! Am I hell! I've completely lost my voice and I'm hacking up green slime. I'm going to lie in bed and read.

In fairness your comment did sound like if you weren't worried about covid you would have gone in, therefore asking if you'd be working from home is reasonable

If you had stopped with Not great, I'm not going into work tomorrow she may not have asked the next question

She had been texting me every couple of hours to ask how I was so had already had a breakdown of mine and DS's illness woes. She likes to try and worry people back to wellness.

I suppose I should have added context. The minute I mention work I'm suddenly well enough for a day of client calls apparently.

She also asks if I'll have to take unpaid leave for when DS is ill or book holiday (neither, I have a nice boss who lets me vary my hours) and assumes it will always be me as the part timer who takes the day off - so perhaps I'm projecting!