To not know how to do about relatives gifted furniture

[4pmwinetimebebeh]

We moved house last year and were given some furniture by my uncle for our spare room as it was too big for their house (downsized to a country cottage). It was his partners late mothers furniture and they were glad to see it go to family. It was an enormous sleigh bed king sized and matching huge wardrobe.

We were very grateful and have had them up but are now looking to decorate the room and both DH and I really don’t like them! We didn’t really, when they were bought up we hadn’t seen them before and they were a lot bigger and darker (mahogany) than we had expected. We want to swap them for a metal framed bed and we don’t need the wardrobe as our bedroom has built in wardrobes.

I don’t know what to do/whether or say anything to my uncle and his partner. I feel guilty that they gave us family furniture that 9 months later we don’t want. We could offer them back (they live 250 miles away but we could hire a van And deliver them) although I can’t see them wanting them back. I offered them to my sister who doesn’t want them.

DH wants to sell on fb marketplace or give them away. I feel if we do this I’d like to offer them the money but then I also don’t want them to know we have sold them in case they are upset. They are v v unlikely to visit and actually see them here although my parents and grandmother (uncles sister and mother) will do and could say something I suppose.

So….. do I:

• offer them back and offer to cover the cost and delivery etc
• ask them permission to sell them on/split or give them the money
• do whatever we want and not mention it

To me- if I have something away it becomes theirs and whatever the person wants to do with it is completely up to them but I just feel really torn about this for some reason!

Uncle can't be really that attached to it as he wanted rid.

I would ask your mum

I’d thank them profusely but say it feels too big for your room, then -
A) offer it back to them and pay for transit,
B) ask them if any other family would like them
C) ask them if you could sell it for them

Option 1 - and if they don’t want them back then move to option 3. I would just add that darker wood furniture is on the way back in so be very sure you don’t want it. You might be kicking yourself in 5 years!

I would just say that although you appreciate the gesture, they no longer suit. I would also say I'm happy to send them back (at their cost) if they would like them or can pass to charity/dispose of if they prefer.

I wouldn't mention anything about money if you sold or passed on to someone, that's yours as they were given as a gift and up to you what you do with them. I think its kind to mention your intention but I doubt they will be bothered, as they gave away in the first place.

Would they be happy for you to upcycle it perhaps?

I'd message him and say, thanks for letting us have those, really helped out while we decided what we wanted to do, we're now ready to decorate & looking for a different style so do you want me to bring these back to you or if not, what should I do with them.

I wouldn't hide it, that makes it seem like you've done something wrong. But I wouldn't just get rid either.

@MaryLennoxsScowl I know I did think that they are beautiful bits of furniture but they just completely overpower the room as they are so big and heavy and it’s quite a dark bedroom!

'Hi Uncle, we're finally working our way through getting the house decorated. We love the furniture you kindly passed on bit we find it overpowers the space once it's in so we're looking to replace it when we decorate the spare room. I just thought I'd check whether you'd like it back before we arrange to pass it on locally'

Or words to that effect in a message, I wouldn't get into whether you're you to give/sell it on as it's irrelevant really, all that matters is whether he wants it back to find a home for it as you won't be keeping it

Where are you and can I have them? 😂

@Pumasonsatsumas near Manchester!

I'd use a little white lie - rather than saying you don't like them, say you need a smaller double bed & won't have space for the wardrobe as need to have a desk in there.

Would they maybe appreciate them going to a charity (British Heart Foundation, for example, often collect) rather than being sold?

@LG93

'Hi Uncle, we're finally working our way through getting the house decorated. We love the furniture you kindly passed on bit we find it overpowers the space once it's in so we're looking to replace it when we decorate the spare room. I just thought I'd check whether you'd like it back before we arrange to pass it on locally'

Or words to that effect in a message, I wouldn't get into whether you're you to give/sell it on as it's irrelevant really, all that matters is whether he wants it back to find a home for it as you won't be keeping it

Just checking before we pass it along.

Perfect I think. You mean - We think it's ours to do as we please with, but just incase do you want it back.

@LG93 that is great thank you! I will message him.

Alas too far! Hope you find a good home for it all.. assuming no-one minds you giving it away

@LordEmsworth has the perfect response I think. Grateful for having been given the furniture in the first place and asking what he would like you to do with it now. Perfect!