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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You shouldn’t have MH issues in January

19 replies

Wallyislost · 30/01/2022 09:54

My husband had finally decided to speak to a therapist which is huge for him. He had a consultation and was told he has severe anxiety and depression. He was embarrassed by the diagnosis but acknowledged he has to speak to someone. The insurance provider gave him a list of therapists in our area.

He called the first one and their response was : ‘January is very busy, you should have contacted me in December when it was quiet.’

Surely counsellors know how difficult it is for a lot people to admit they need outside help for MH issues? Do people go around thinking hmmm it’s Easter so I can’t be depressed now, I’ll have to wait until June!

My H is now saying it’s a bad idea and doesn’t want to go through with it. I told him to contact the others as they may be a better fit but I don’t want to force him or push too hard.

OP posts:

Againstmachine · 30/01/2022 09:55

Wow, what a disgusting person who shouldn't be in that career.

Look for someone else.

shouldistop · 30/01/2022 09:56

Do these therapists actually have any qualifications? What a stupid thing for them to say. If they have any experience at all they should realise how hard it was for your dh to make that call.

Tal45 · 30/01/2022 09:59

Well I think he had a lucky escape there - who would want that therapist!? Phoning people can be really difficult when you're anxious and depressed though. I would suggest to him that he looks up all the therapists online, makes sure they are with BACP, read a bit about them and then email a few that appeal. If he is completely put off maybe you could look them up for him and show him his options.

Original poster

Wallyislost · 30/01/2022 10:09

This person is with BACP (accredited 5 years ago)
10+ years in NHS & private

In the bio they use a lot of words like respect, value and empower.

My H has now asked me to choose a couple and call them. I really want to help but I don’t think that’s the best way.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wallyislost · 30/01/2022 10:11

Ok I’ll help him with the list and will email them if he really insists I should.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 30/01/2022 10:11

Bullet dodged.

Try somewhere else.

Sciurus83 · 30/01/2022 10:20

Yeah that's pretty bad. But it's potentially saved you, onto the next. Calling can be stressful for people suffering, I don't think doing it for him is the wrong thing to do personally. Do what you can to get him through the door, things will improve from there. It's hard supporting someone too, you're doing all the right things 💐

Original poster

Wallyislost · 30/01/2022 10:31

I don't think doing it for him is the wrong thing to do

I was a bit worried it’ll be seen as me trying to take over or force him speaking to people he doesn’t want to. I want him to be comfortable with his choice.

OP posts:

NewtoHolland · 30/01/2022 10:32

Do you have local charity sector provision like Mind? Might be worth looking into.
That therapist sounds burnt out and ridiculous. Tbh I would ring and challenge the comment and remind them how hard it is for someone to seek support and how inappropriate their comment was

helpmehelpmetoday · 30/01/2022 10:36

This reminds me of my mum. She went to a therapist once about my abusive dad and told her the whole story.

The therapist listened and then replied ; therapy will not help you. There is absolutely no point. Your husband won't ever change and you will not leave him. My only advice to you is to leave your husband. Therapy is a waste of both of our time.

That was it apparently. My mum is anti therapy now and still in a bad relationship with my dad.

Crazy! This wasn't in the UK, but I did tell her to report this woman. Not sure she ever did.

Blossom64265 · 30/01/2022 10:37

He asked for help with getting things set up. You should help him.

Caramelvanillafudge · 30/01/2022 10:38

The insurance provider gave him a list of therapists in our area

All charging £40 plus at a time, I imagine?

I must admit, I am hugely cynical about therapy. I know it purports to help a lot of people but I’m not convinced that it has magic charms. It’s like talking to a friend, which you can do for free. But it has its uses I suppose,’if you don’t want to bore / impose upon your friends.

I really think it’s become such a money making racket though.

gelatodipistacchio · 30/01/2022 10:39

If he is fragile and you are happy to help, I definitely think that you should. It must have been so demoralising to have been told that!

tpmumtobe · 30/01/2022 10:44

Appalling attitude from that therapist, total disgrace, especially given how hard it is to reach out for help. Please don't let this idiot put him off getting therapy.
I would agree that cold calling people straight up is hard and you absolutely can hold his hand in setting this up (been there, done that!). I would shortlist a few for him (maybe 3) online that you think might be a good fit, and help him send an initial email and then go from there.
As pp suggested I would also contact the original idiot on his behalf and complain about their awful attitude.
Good luck!

ThePlantsitter · 30/01/2022 10:45

If the therapist did in fact say that it's terrible, but people can hear things differently when they are already feeling desperate and like there's a block at every turn. It's quite possible the therapist said something with those words in but that was intended as a nice way of saying she was booked up.

@Caramelvanillafudge I feel the same way about teaching. I think anyone could teach my kids and the only reason people don't teach their own is laziness.

Caramelvanillafudge · 30/01/2022 10:49

@ThePlantsitter - I absolutely hate the snide ‘what’s your point’ but without a hint of snideness, I genuinely don’t understand your analogy.

Original poster

Wallyislost · 30/01/2022 11:09

@ThePlantsitter yes I believe that’s what was said. I was in the room when he made the call. He started stuttering, I looked over and saw that he looked a bit stunned. Then he said he’ll try to remember that in future and cut the call. He was too taken aback to say anything else.

We have a short list and I’ll email them today. I told him about Mind but he’s not keen only because he has started this process and doesn’t want to deal with multiple organisations.

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 30/01/2022 11:14

Wow I would be putting in a massive complaint that is absolutely disgusting!
And we wonder why the suicide rates are so high in men!

Ask him to ring someone else as a ‘favour to you’ - he will feel embarrassed doing it for himself but might do it for your benefit.

Againstmachine · 30/01/2022 17:31

Wow I would be putting in a massive complaint that is absolutely disgusting!
And we wonder why the suicide rates are so high in men!

Whilst I agree it was terrible and she is a idiot.

If she is a one man band who is the massive complaint going to go to, unless they are member of a body that isn't compulsory also its pointless

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