Spannerkist
This maybe more of a vent...
My mum, she's in many ways extremely lovely, open minded and kind. She's great with the grandkids etc. She's leant me money plenty of times, she's nice.
Growing up my dad was abusive to my mum, to me and my siblings. This included sexual abuse. I told her, once. She didn't take it seriously. I dont know how, tho, since he was fired from a job with kids after allegations but she was depressed + occasionally beaten up.
Shes not quite right. She misses social cues, she's inappropriate. I hear stuff I'm not sure to believe.
When I was 14 my dad left and it was crazy. He would come kick the door in, smash up the fuse box so we had no leccy. It was traumatic. Within weeks she met a new, completely unappealing man who she brought home and he didnt leave til she sold the house and moved away. He was disgusting, I was kicked out at 15, miles away from home, and without older siblings to help for various reasons.
15 yrs later, after my grandmother, who she cared for in later life, died, she married this man. Within 6 months he dumped her. ALL the inheritance was in a joint account (this man had never worked, mum always has). He froze the account & ultimately put her thru hell, she leant on me and my sisters for a place to stay, he wasted whatever money he didnt outright steal.
Then she has more disaster relationships with dodgy men, ones who like the husband are abusive towards us, lots of criminality - kne led to her being trouble, she tried to kill herself.
A few years ago a man she moved abroad with swindled her of tens of thousands of pounds. She's pretty skint now.
So, after staying with my sister for over a year she goes and buys a house several hours drive from ALL her kids and grandkids (we all live in a city, all four kids and ten grandkids)
Secretly, in this house, she's had a lodger. Quell surprise it's a man, and she's 'very close'. He screamed abuse at my sister on the phone the other day. My mum put phone down on her and made a ridiculous excuse.
I looked on his Facebook. Including lots of gross stuff is him gorging on meat (she is vegan these days) and a joke about a kebab he's eating, where a friend asks is that your new bird. He liked it.
He looks like a right wing nutter. He's got ptsd from the army apparently. I thought she sounded sketchy about me visiting with kids, it now makes sense.
I love my mum. She's smart but also incredibly gullible. She's broken. She's old (70) this man looks a fair bit younger. If I put her on the spot, I know she'll lie. If he hears, I honestly wonder if she'll be in danger - she has no filter, she's done this before and ultimately caused huge, sometimes violent rows by repeating stuff no one else would.
I also have immense rage at her over endless incidents of selfishness, idiocy, the lies and neglect and abandonment. I have no idea how to process this