Should I have a word about this

[arghhhhwhattf]

I'm pissed off actually. Ds is 7, autistic and in mainstream school. He's been really struggling with maths, he just does not get it. He's really worried about it and we've been having tears about it at home.
He mentioned the other week how he's afraid to ask for help as he's frightened of getting into trouble and being kept in at break (he is a real stickler for the rules and always has been) So I take him to school and mention how he's struggling, needs a little confidence and reassurance he's not going to get into trouble asking for help as for some reason he's thinking he's going to lose his break time if he does ask for help. The teacher laughed it off and was like oh no no I understand etc.
Well tonight he's mentioned that this teacher has been threatening to keep him in at break for taking too long to answer a question, taking his workbook off him and then saying he'll give him one more chance to do the work. And he's heard him talking to the other teacher saying 'well ds is staying in at break time anyway'
Why the fuck are they not actually helping him with the work ?? My boy is very truthful and I know he isn't telling tales.

Aibu to go in and question why he's being threatened to lose his break time ?
He has additional needs, needs extra time to think about stuff and is entitled to help !

Yes, I'd have a word. They appear to have taken what you've said about his worries and are now using them against him. Ask what strategies are being put in place to support him with maths, I'd also ask about protected break times - my own DC needs break times for movement and a sensory break so it's in his EHCP that they are not removed in any circumstances.

YANBU at all OP. Sadly I’ve been in a similar situation and IME you will need to fight his corner pretty much constantly. Is he on the school’s SEND register? If so I believe they should have a document detailing exactly what extra help he is receiving (even if he doesn’t have an ehcp). You need to ask to see this document, speak to the school SENCO about what else you think needs to be on it, and hold them to it. It is exhausting. But definitely say something now, because it’ll only get worse if you leave it. Good luck

Speak with the SENCO get a clear plan of how they will support him.

Yes this is one of the times to step in. If it was me at our school I would go to principal, you’ve already spoken to the teacher and they have actually made the situation worse.

He doesn't have an ehcp as the senco thinks he doesn't struggle enough to get one. He's had assessments and in year 1 was significantly below average with everything, the one he had at the start of year 2 he had really improved, reading especially, but maths he was well below average. So because he's only behind in maths he probably won't get one. He is also such a good boy, I mean literally won't step a toe out of line for fear of getting shouted at (which he hates) or being in trouble. So basically no one to one needed in their opinion. I've had to push for him to be seen by the education physcologist which still hasn't happened.
He is on the sen register as he was diagnosed the august before he started school purposely so he'd get the help he's entitled too straight away.

Sorry he does get sensory breaks as recommended by autism outreach but again he's afraid to ask for them and gets embarrassed as the other children stare at him lol.
I have to remind his teacher to look out for signs of him becoming overwhelmed (saying he feels sick, is tired, zoning out etc)

Write down specifically how you want the school to support his learning. Explain that if things continue as they are they will be adversely affecting his mental health and his learning. If you have a casual chat in person or on the phone they have no compulsion to actually do it. In my experi nice you have to be very specific and put it in writing.

Your email should ask for a meeting to discuss how the school will ensure that :

• child is not kept in at lunchtime or breaktime as a result of not finishing work in time
• child is given a educational support plan. Etcwtc

I know this sounds stupid but how should they be helping him ? I know he should be getting one to one time but other than that what else can they do ?
To be honest it does affect his mental health, he hates school with a passion, it really stresses him out. I know a lot of kids don't like school but he is next level with it and I know it's because he can't handle the work load

He doesn't have an ehcp as the senco thinks he doesn't struggle enough to get one.

You can apply for one yourself. You need to write to your Local Authority and ask for an assessment of his needs, all you need to show is that he may have an educational need but as he has a diagnosis that's it already proven. There are lots of guides online about how to start the process.

Do you have any autism teams in your area that could go into school and visit them, see what is going on and give recommendations etc. I have had this done before as I felt I needed some other voices on my side to make my sons voice heard. Might be worth calling your local council and seeing if they have any teams that can go and observe.
Definitely chase this up, similar happened to my son and it destroyed his confidence and in turn he refused to go into class and all sorts and had to move schools in the end! Ask for a meeting with the teacher and the head teacher together and tell them that you specifically asked the teacher to not increase his dislike of maths and anxiety... And you've heard that the teacher seems to be doing the opposite and you'd like to know why and how he thinks that is helpful!!!

The SEND team at your local council should be able to advise on what services they can offer. The school nursing team is a good shout too, you can usually self-refer to them and if you explain his anxiety/self-esteem problems they will go into school to see what can be done to try and ease these. This generates reports with recommendations attached, you can then push school to implement them and it is a useful stop-gap until an EHCP is in place.

@arghhhhwhattf

I know this sounds stupid but how should they be helping him ? I know he should be getting one to one time but other than that what else can they do ? To be honest it does affect his mental health, he hates school with a passion, it really stresses him out. I know a lot of kids don't like school but he is next level with it and I know it's because he can't handle the work load

So you've already said

He is embarrassed having to ask for a sensory break.

They should know this and discretely ask him to stop what he's doing and go to the quiet corner(or wherever he has his break)

He gets threatened with no breaks

They should know that he needs breaks and they enhance his ability to learn and should never remove these or threaten to remove these.

He doesn't need a support plan

And yet he is suffering anxiety and if left unsupported may be at risk of school refusal, so they need to sit down with you and him and talk about what he needs.

That's three things already they can do that they are not already. They can also look at why he is slower than others at maths... Can he have more time? Does he need to go back a step? Does he need another adult in the room supporting him? Does he need different work?

Just checked what the last assessment said about maths and what was recommended, it says one to one program a few minutes a day and building up from basic. This is all I've been told and heard nothing since. But clearly it isn't working as he still has real anxiety around maths.
I think I will write a letter and ask for a meeting with the head and state in the letter what I'd like to happen, is this a right step ?
I will also look into applying for an ehcp but afraid I won't know where to start

I have an autistic ds who’s almost 7. He also hates school with a passion.

I’d raise holy hell with the school for the teachers behaviour over this & I'm the calm one in our house. DH (who isn’t an aggressive man) would absolutely lose his shit with them.

You’ve gone to ask for support for your autistic child who’s 7 & a grown man is now exploiting that to bully him? No wonder your poor boy is afraid to ask for help 😢.

We’ve been to a session this afternoon with a bunch of send professionals in our area, from the council, the local autism team & someone from learning support. They’ve taken notes away (from all the parents there) & are going to get back to us with some information shortly to see if they can help. Might be worth looking into if you don’t get anywhere with the head?

Unfortunately you need to fight for your boy’s needs.

Good advice upthread from other posters.

I sympathise with your boy. When I was in primary, I was put on the SEN register without my parents' knowledge and they had no idea how much I was struggling.

It was only until I mentioned to my parents that I was being kept in for 'first break' to do Maths that my parents were like errrrrr wtf??

Cue a looong struggle for my parents to be kept in the loop and informed so they could help me.

And that was 20 years ago! Sad things don't seem to have changed

Thank you for everyone's advice, it's really helped me. I'm not very confident myself and would struggle how to word things but I know my boy needs me to stand up for him. His dad is furious about it.
I feel bad for him and other children in this situation, I feel like he's being labelled as something he's not

Yes definitely mention it. This is effecting your sons confidence. He should be helped and encouraged and not be made to feel bad because he finds Maths harder. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I had great difficulty with Maths at primary school and was punished regularly by one teacher for not understanding. It really effected my confidence and as a result of that teacher, I hated my time at school when I was in her class. My Mum had stern words with her and I was relieved when I moved classes. Hope things work out for your son.

You could suggest something like a card that he could pass to the teacher. Blue for I need a break, red for I need some extra help etc? Do you think he would respond to that?
You need to meet with the Senco and find out what is on his IEP and whether or not it is being adhered to.

Dear xxxxxxx

I am writing [as the parent of the above child / on behalf of the above young person] to request an assessment of their Education, Health and Social Care needs under section 36(1) of the Children and Families Act 2014.

[Child / young person’s name] currently attends [name of school].

I understand that the test that the LA must apply in considering this request is contained in section 36(8) of the Children and Families Act 2014 and has two parts.

Part one of the test is that the child or young person has or may have special educational needs.

I feel that [child / young person’s name] has special educational needs because:
[Details of diagnosis and include copies of diagnosis letters/reports]

Part two of the test is that it may be necessary for special educational provision to be made for the child/young person through the issuing of an EHC plan.

My reasons for believing that [child / young person’s name] may need an EHC plan are:
[List your reasons why. For DS I put details of what his identified needs were, what support he was getting in school, what support he needed but wasn't getting, and what happened if/when he didn't get the appropriate support].

The two-part test outlined above is the only test to be applied under the law. I understand that it would be unlawful for a local authority to apply a higher threshold for accessing an EHC needs assessment. Furthermore, this legal test is different to that which must be applied in the decision about whether or not to issue an EHC plan. [I / We] believe that the local authority should carry out an EHC needs assessment to determine the full extent of [child / young person’s name]'s needs.

I understand that you are required by law to reply to this request within six weeks, and that if you refuse [I / young person’s name] will be able to appeal to the First-tier Tribunal (Special Educational Needs and Disability).

Yours faithfully,

Then you send it to the head of children's services at your local council.

If they agree to assess, they'll start the process and will contact you when they need parent and child views. If they refuse to assess then you move to the next stage of the process (appeal). If they agree to assess and issue the plan you'll be given the opportunity to agree it. If they refuse to issue or you don't agree then, again, you move to tribunal.

It's not as complicated as the piles of paperwork would have you believe and can be broken down into steps, the majority of parents who appeal will win either because the tribunal rules in their favour or because the LA concedes before it reaches court so if you do go down the appeals route you have a high chance of it going in your favour.

Overall remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Be a squeaky wheel.

I would want to know why the teacher isn't appropriately differentiating work for him, and is instead taking the times he will need to decompress away from him.

Kids with autism often struggle with maths because it's abstract - he may need manipulative, visuals etc - why are they not trying this - they have a duty under the Equality Act to make reasonable adjustments for him.

Also worth quoting relevant parts of the SEND code of practice at them.

Speaking as someone who works in a SEN provision that gets kids when they're broken, there seems to be a pervasive culture in some areas of education that regards the child with additional needs as an inconvenience or a chancer, rather than a human being who deserves dignity and to be able to access the curriculum without barriers.