Love scammers - why do so many people fall for this?

[VickyEadieofThigh]

I've seen a fair few examples of this on TV (BBC1 programme 'For love or money') and in the media and saw this example below just today.

My question is what it says in the thread title: why do so many people send money to men or women they've never met - and continue to do so?

Does anyone know anyone who has done this?

www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/i-was-scammed-out-of-102-000-by-someone-i-met-on-a-dating-site-it-can-happen-to-anyone/ar-AATgQc1?ocid=msedgntp

You should watch Catfish too

I think this generally happens to slightly older, lonely people (especially women) who don’t really have any real life prospects and fall for the flattery as they so desperately want what they are being told to be true and to believe they are special to someone.

Everyone believes and feels good about a compliment about them, even if untrue. There’s also the sunk cost fallacy - once you have sent money to the scammer once, you have to keep sending them money in response to their lies or to admit the truth to yourself and that the money you have already sent is long gone (which would not be easy).

@HTH1

I think this generally happens to slightly older, lonely people (especially women) who don’t really have any real life prospects and fall for the flattery as they so desperately want what they are being told to be true and to believe they are special to someone.

Everyone believes and feels good about a compliment about them, even if untrue. There’s also the sunk cost fallacy - once you have sent money to the scammer once, you have to keep sending them money in response to their lies or to admit the truth to yourself and that the money you have already sent is long gone (which would not be easy).

I think you're absolutely right about the "sunk costs" aspect - many of the ones featured on 'For love or money' talked about this.

@dementedpixie - where would I find 'Catfish'?

I think a lot of these scammers are very good and very convincing. It does seem to happen to otherwise smart people who, when looking back, can see how obvious are the string of excuses for why they need money and reasons why they can't meet with them.

I must admit, for a laugh I responded to a FB friend request from an obvious romance scammer but his English was so laughably bad and it was either not the same person between the conversation or he had no memory when I asked him about his 'daughter' when he told me he had a son. I missed some whatsapp calls from him and I was shocked he was trying to call when he was posing as an American and I'm pretty sure a call would give him away. I assumed it was a ruse and he'd make sure the calls didn't connect but then one did and it was excrutiating! He just kept repeated a load of stock phrases 'I love you, you are so beautiful' etc and was clearly not American. I asked him what accent that was at it didn't sound very American but he didn't even understand my question; I can't imagine why he thought a call would work! There seem to be a lot of these guys about - I can't imagine any of them being successful, unless maybe with a woman who barely speaks any English, but then I'm not sure how they'd arrange to get any money

Desperation. The victims are at the lowest points in their lives, and are fully taken advantage of. It is very very sad :(

Cat fish is on MTV some people have low self esteem and want to believe that it's true love.

Catfish is on MTV I think. There are several series. Mainly involving younger people

Think of your experience of meeting someone, connecting with them and feeling a bit special.

Weren't you lucky they weren't playing you.....

I think a lot of these scammers are very good and very convincing.

And yet in almost every case I’ve ever read about these people have family, friends and in one case I read about even their bank, telling them outright “it’s a scam” and yet they still continue to send money to a total stranger.

In the case the OP linked, the person sent their scammer 15k within one month of “knowing” them. Really???

I have no sympathy for these people.

Just to elaborate on my post, there are plenty of women who are 'played' by men in all sorts of scenarios. There are plenty of women who meet the love of their life online and have a perfectly valid relationship somewhat long distance. How are these people supposed to really tell the difference when a basic requirement to let someone into our lives is to lower our boundaries. Some of us get away with it. Its not that we are smarter. Other people have less experience to see a real red flag.

I suppose people want it to be true.

A young man flatters an older/elderly lady and most of her brain must be going ‘aye right, after a passport are we?’but the 1% going ‘yay! I’m older than his granny but he loves me!’ seems to win.

Of course it’s not just young men with women. There was a case of a young man and an retired priest(or vicar?) - young man now merrily living on his late husbands pension whilst dating another comfortably off older man.

I feel sorry for them - but often they don’t see any problem, so what can you do?

I’m in that ‘desperate’ demographic by today’s standards (though safely married off ). In my case, deeply ingrained and lifelong cynicism about the genuineness of any man paying me attention ought to protect me. I’ve never been seen as a ‘catch’ and have been told this many times: I guess it has to be good for something, right?

TBH, the thing that suprises me the most is the sums people lend - I would lend to my immediate family, and absolutely no one else. Ever. I'm happy to give friends in a spot of trouble a small amount of money, but I'd never 'lend' anyone 5 figure sums.

But then I'm very pragmatic and unromantic, maybe it's different if you really believe in 'true love', and certainly different if you're feeling low, unloved neglected etc.