The concentration required to perform at a barely even acceptable level left me exhausted and I was having several naps during the working day and using flexi-time to shorten my days. I'm also finding that social interactions or just a chat on the phone tire me out.
@MarmiteWine This really resonates with me. This was how I was during my phased return. I slowly improved though and if I'd had a more routine less pressured 9-5 job (with a lunch break!), I might have been okay and not relapsed. I sacrificed everything in my life so I could try and hang on to my job. I basically rested/slept and worked. It was still too much for me unfortunately. I tried to stick to the advice I was given which was not to do more than 70% of what I felt capable of. But it's very hard to judge and I would inevitably get it wrong and pay the price 24-48 hours later. I was, however, slowly improving and this encouraged me to hang in there.
Unfortunately I ended up with a particularly bad work week that was 12+ hour full-on days and included my first Steering Committee presenting to some very tough clients in an investment bank (in a business area that was new to me - not usually an issue but Covid brain meant I was much slower to get up to speed and I couldn't turn on a mental sixpence like I used to be able to do). At one point, someone else took over for a few mins and I used that time to cry my eyes out at my desk (at home thank God!) as I was so frustrated at my performance. I spoke to my client afterwards and he thought I did okay but he only knows me post-Covid. My pre-Covid feedback from much tougher clients in the same business is that I'm "brilliant". My days of brilliance seem to be long gone. 😥A lesson in humility for me perhaps.
During that same week, in addition to my client work, I was also leading/managing the content team for a half day conference (for 90 people) that Friday as well as being the opening speaker (no notes allowed of course). When the planets aligned in my diary like this, I knew I was fucked and no amount of rest and sleep would compensate for how this workload was going to affect me. I got through the conference - actually got the great feedback that it was the best of these (annual) conferences ever! And got rave reviews for my own presentation with my management announcing that this meant my long Covid was "fixed". Morons. Of course it wasn't fixed. I knew I'd overdone it (by a long way!) and was about to crash and burn badly. And I did. But it was unavoidable if I wanted to keep my job. Huge relapse. I have literally gone backwards by 6 months. Brain fog is horrendous. I can't concentrate. I can't remember simple things. I make mistakes all the time. I'm exhausted. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can't handle simple phone calls like booking a doctor's appointment.
The only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that it will improve as it's improved before. And that finally I've found a medical professional who is taking it very seriously (if anyone is in London and wants to know who my consultant is, just PM me). It helps finding people who understand. The majority of people have no clue (my employer especially) but I guess we're all learning as it can be different for each of us.
I went to the gym this morning wearing a blood pressure cuff and the wires and monitor hanging round my neck while I deadlifted. Dammit I will not be defeated by long Covid. I am determined to get my life back. I just realise it's going to take a lot longer than I hoped. Unfortunately patience has never been one of my virtues and it seems sheer bloodymindedness just makes it worse.
Hang in there everywhere. And apologies for the long post. I hope my mistakes can maybe help others to not make the same ones while trying to recover.