Ex wife angry because she had to phone my daughter on daughters birthday.

[Annon1mouse]

It is my daughter’s 14 birthday. My ex wife phoned my daughter at 11 and immediately started to have a go at me and my daughter because we did not phone her, even though it was our daughter’s birthday. She expected me or dd to phone her, so she could then say happy birthday.

Now she is very angry. She has upset my daughter and thrown the days plans out of the window.

Aibu to be pretty annoyed by this sort of behaviour?

Surely she should be phoning her daughter rather than the other way round

Urgh.

My DDs have often spent a birthday away from me due to our contact schedule - they ring me when they get a lull in fun with their Dad, and he sends me photos when they’re in bed. Which is what I do when they’re with me on their birthdays.

Occasionally we spend them together if work schedules allow.

Yeah I mean that's annoying but why has it thrown the days plans out of the window? Presumably it was a 10 min call and job done. I hope your DD has a nice birthday without having to put up with her parents bickering.

Is she always so selfish?

Why are your plans ruined?

Claw back the best of the day that you and ant happy birthday to DD.

It’s not ideal but it’s your job to model adult behaviour and positive communication to your daughter now. If her DM communicates poorly and selfishly she will model that behaviour. The day is not lost. Have a chat about her feelings then move on and get her out to enjoy the plans.

It’s up to her to phone not the other way around. Don’t let it ruin the day I suspect that was probably her motive.

She was meant to be taking all the girls out for a few hours then coming over for takeaway and cake all together. Instead, she is angry and upset the oldest. Younger 2 are out of sorts now too.

Yeah agree with pp, it's absolutely her responsibility to ring her daughter and wish her a happy birthday!

Yanbu but get off MN and get the birthday started!

She sounds like a right knob. Just crack and and do something lovely with your daughter

@Annon1mouse

She was meant to be taking all the girls out for a few hours then coming over for takeaway and cake all together. Instead, she is angry and upset the oldest. Younger 2 are out of sorts now too.

Well she has made it all about her hasn't she. I suspect this won't have been the first time. If it is out of character then something may be afoot Op.

It is up to you now to save the day though.

Be glad she's an ex. And be glad your daughter has one parent who isn't a self centred nightmare.

Your DD might have agreed to ring her when she gets up and so she was waiting for a call, this is the only reason I can think to her being upset

Yes but @TempName01 even if she was waiting for the call, wouldn’t she just have called and said I thought I’d call as I hadn’t heard from you. I get it’s hard parenting teens but she shouldn’t be making her dd’s birthday all about her.

She's ridiculous. Just ignore her calmly.

Yes it is annoying, but the day is far from ruined, so turn it around and take her and your other children to do something fun to celebrate.

“Okay - new plan: we’re going bowling/cinema and then you can all chose a Deliveroo.” Get a big helium balloon and cake. Don’t mention her mother again.

Absolutely take control of this and take them somewhere, do something fun and leave her with happy memories of the day. It’s not mum’s job to make it all happen (she sounds a bit shit) and you’ll be glad to see the girls happy. The mum really needs to wind her neck in a bit and put your daughter’s happiness as first priority today.

YANBU she was completely unreasonable to have a go at you both especially as it was only 11am.

However I do think it’s for your DD to ring rather than the other way around as your ex wouldn’t know when is a good time to ring.
Mum could have texted saying - “happy birthday, give me a ring when you’re free”.

I feel sorry for your DD if her mum is trying to cause drama on her birthday.

@WonderfulYou

YANBU she was completely unreasonable to have a go at you both especially as it was only 11am.

However I do think it’s for your DD to ring rather than the other way around as your ex wouldn’t know when is a good time to ring.
Mum could have texted saying - “happy birthday, give me a ring when you’re free”.

I feel sorry for your DD if her mum is trying to cause drama on her birthday.

There's no way I wouldn't ring my DD to wish her happy birthday "incase it wasn't a good time". It's the first thing I'd do when I woke up if she was at her dads. At the very least, Ops ex could have text him to say "are you in the middle of presents or breakfast or can I call?"

Think to any other person who you may wish a happy birthday to; you don't wait for them to ring you to receive their happy birthday.

@Annon1mouse

She was meant to be taking all the girls out for a few hours then coming over for takeaway and cake all together. Instead, she is angry and upset the oldest. Younger 2 are out of sorts now too.

It sounds like she's actually just invented a reason to cancel these plans. Pretty shitty behaviour from her.

You’ve got plenty of day left. Go have fun.

At the very least, Ops ex could have text him to say "are you in the middle of presents or breakfast or can I call?"

Which is what I said she could have done

Why didn’t she just call? I don’t understand, what a martyr.

Of course it was down to your ex to phone your DD on her birthday. How horrible of her to ruin your DD’s day over nothing. The poor girl. Can you not now take the girls out instead though? It’s down to you to make sure the birthday girl has a good time now.