To just go for a walk

[cardiologist349275]

We have this family friend. She tells everyone she is my cousin though actually we are sixth cousins She isn't very bright and can't pick up on hints. She "needs" to chat to people for hours and hours at a time. If I go for a walk and see her she will expect me to stop and chat for 1-4 hours - no exaggeration. She is on a mobility scooter so she gets to sit down whenever she wants through this. If she sees you she just latches on and it is so hard to escape her and her boring stories. The one time I said I was busy I had a phone call the next day, "I'm sorry I upset you."

At the moment I am caring for my terminally ill dad and would like to be able to go for a walk whenever I want so I can clear my head and get some exercise. Also I suffer panic attacks when I have to stop and chat to people and I'd just like to be able to enjoy the walk.

How can I politely but effectively swerve this woman if I do see her out? Am I being a nasty rude b*tch? It's actually making me feel like a prisoner in my own home because I can never just go out without panicking I'll bump into her.

I should add that I do phone calls with her, and pre covid she would come to ours for planned visits (that sometimes lasted the entir day...). I'm okay with seeing her if I know in advance but it's the element of surprise if I'm out and about that really bothers me.

Just be honest with her (not the dim dullard bit) and say "I need to clear my head. This walk is my only opportunity to do that before I have to go back and look after my dad. I am sure you will understand that I need to love and leave you" Then walk off over the roughest ground you can find.

If she can’t pick up on hints due to her own issues then you have to be direct.

You say you told her you were busy once and got a text the next day. To that text you just need to reply “Of course you didn’t upset me, I was just too busy yesterday to stop and chat.”

Rinse and repeat, don’t get drawn into drama or guilt-tripping.

When out, practise saying “I’m sorry I can’t stop to chat, I’m really busy today.” Or give yours of 10 minutes “Nice to see you, X, I can only stop to chat for 10 minutes” and be firm with that boundary.

It’s not rude to have boundaries, and you need them, so practise enforcing them.

If you can’t cope with that at the moment with your dad’s illness, which is understandable, go for a drive to different place for a walk.

@cardiologist349275

I should add that I do phone calls with her, and pre covid she would come to ours for planned visits (that sometimes lasted the entir day...). I'm okay with seeing her if I know in advance but it's the element of surprise if I'm out and about that really bothers me.

In that case, this is even a asker because you can say “I can’t stop to chat right now, X, but I will see you on Sunday/call you tonight”.

Tell her straight you need some alone time to process all the stuff you are dealing with atm. Alternatively walk where the scooter can not go and minimise the risk of bumping in to her.

Headphones. Give her a big smile and wave and carry on walking. Faster than her scooter goes of course.

But I am very passive aggressive...

She sounds very entitled to peoples time. I'd go with the 'only have 10 minutes to chat' line. Don't let her guilt you into allowing her to stamp on your boundaries.