to not watch TV again with my DP

[ClaymationHeartsStillBeat]

Last night, DP says new series of X TV show is on (we watched the previous ones together). I said something along the lines of 'oh great! has it been on long? I am surprised you haven't started watching it yet'. I didn't mean anything pointed honestly.
He replied that actually he had stopped watching stuff without me as he wants a quiet life and I complain if he carries on watching stuff that we've started watching together. That he was just being honest. I felt awful. Like a complaining, horrible woman. I said to him that I had been joking when he does that, which I had.
I think it's important to add that I hardly watch anything. TBH I can't concentrate on TV/films anything like that for longer than a very short while. I tend to read in the evening and listen to music. The whole TV thing makes me fall asleep. I can't concentrate.
So I have decided it best to tell him that we won't watch TV together any more as it does little for me and he won't feel like I am complaining at him for watching TV without me. I am happy to be around him when he is watching TV, so I wouldn't avoid him, which he would be very sensitive about.
I just don't know how to approach it without being an arse. I was really worried and hurt (irrationally so) when he said what he said and realise that maybe we spend all our time modifying our behaviour to keep the other happy which is not a good thing for either of us.

YABU - just carry on as you are and don't complain when he continues watching shared shows alone.
YANBU - just tell him you don't want to anymore.

If IANBU, then how do I say it without sounding like I am punishing him for being honest, which I really wouldn't be.

Neither of course he should wait

You sound like my mum when she gets one on her.

I think you need to sleep on it.

What do you actually want?

You asked him to wait, so he waited but then you got in a huff because he said he waited. I don't really get it.

Maybe I am overthinking it.

I don't want to be a complaining partner about stupid stuff
I also don't want to feel obliged to watch TV so that he can watch when really I am not in the mood, so that he can continue to watch something

is it not better for both of us I just say no thanks in future and tell him to carry on without me? He'll think I am beig an asshole at him for his honesty.

Yes, sorry maybe I was rude. I'm just confused because you were annoyed at him watching it without you, now you're saying you're not bothered about watching tv but you also said you were interested in the program, so I think you're wrapping yourself in knots a bit.

Don't say anything to him.

Watch the show if you are interested. Read your book if you aren't interested. Let his comment go.

DH stays up a lot later than me so will often go a few episodes ahead if we are watching something together. But when we sit down together again we pick up where I left off and he just re-watches what he has already seen.

I don't think it is good for a relationship to cut out a whole activity which you do together and starting a conversation with that idea is never going to end well

If you're watching a series together and he goes ahead and watches an episode without you, this is against all mutual tv watching rules! Seriously it would be a LTB situation for many, so I think he has got off lightly!

(Assuming you weren't continually saying you didnt fancy watching it that evening and leaving him to wait ages longer than he had to between each episode)

I really don’t understand what you are asking. You seem upset that he did what you asked and waited so you could watch it together.

Oh it’s Netflix cheating

What? It's fine to ask him to wait until you can watch it together. That's a normal request in a relationship. It's not complaining or nagging.

I would have killed DH if he'd watched Witcher series 3 without me.

Myself and dh use to wait for each other when watching something, tbh we both thought that was the 'right' thing to do as everyone seemed to do it this way. But little things each other did annoyed each other and we never said anything.

Things like, he likes to watch 2-3 episodes of something then come back to it, I like to binge.

He fast forwards parts that he finds boring whereas I watch every bit as it usually contains important information that he's fast forwarded.

He talks.....

It got to the point that he'd be working, I'd be here dying to continue watching, but waiting for him, ending up not watching for a while, forgetting what it's about and not coming back to it.

So now we just agreed to watch what we want, discuss it if we want, recommend things to each other and we also have different tastes so we were able to just watch things the other wasn't interested in. At first it felt weird, but we're both mature enough to agree that tv isn't going to affect our relationship and now it feels totally normal to just watch things when we feel like it. Tbf we probably only spend about 2 hours max a day watching TV together. I'd watch more as I'm here most days.

I think everyone has made clear and valid points and it is helping me not be an ass about it. Thanks so much.

It was accusing me of complaining about it and that he waits for me for a quiet life which upset me really. As I didn't realise I had been complaining. I thought I was being light about it.

I agree with PPs that isn't it normal to wait when you are watching something with another person? I did think so, so I was questioning myself last night.

I guess I am now worried about starting to watch something and then wanting to sleep and him resenting me for it. It puts me off starting.

Argh and yes it is the small things which make up a long term relationship. I am probably just being an arse for overthinking it.

Interesting OP! Last night I got the raging arse because DH is never bloody interested in watching bloody anything and for some reason it irritates the shit out of me.

Similarly to you, he can't (or doesn't want to) concentrate on anything that involves more than the simplest of story lines, like a crime show or a drama, as he tends to just fall asleep. Yet we've watched all 8 seasons of Game of Thrones through - THREE TIMES. We wouldn't dream of one of us continuing without the other!

I've tried to get him interested in Breaking Bad, Ozark, Killing Eve, Line of Duty...loads of really interesting and well-acted dramas, which is surely a better after dinner activity than mindlessly staring at a phone and falling asleep at 7.30pm, or watching endless re-runs of favourite comedies (I love them, but sometimes I want something engaging).

From my perspective, it's something we can do and enjoy together. I would dearly love to be able to discuss plotlines and actors but I know he'd rather not so I'm not expecting any chat, I try to keep quiet. But still, no joy.

Last night he made all the right noises about wanting to look at something I thought would be right up his street, then promptly went and sat at the dining table and started surfing on his phone. I mean, just don't fucking bother then, we'll leave some absolute shite on live TV and both stare at our phones until he falls asleep on the sofa, and I'll go to bed and watch something on my tablet alone! It seems such a criminal waste that of all the hundreds and hundreds of available streaming boxsets that exist, and of all the insomniac hours he spends watching stuff online in the early hours, there is not one thing he would like to watch with his wife.

I am due a review of my HRT though, hence I'm getting murderous rage at the slightest thing...