Stress in job - should I change career?

[Lazyteens]

I work as a contractor in a specialised role in a highly regulated industry. I have been in the industry for 30 years, contracting for 20 years. I became a contractor as my last two permanent jobs were so stressful that they made me ill with stress and contracting made me feel more in control and gave me the option to walk away from a role
more easily if I found it too much. I have only done this once. It pays very well. I am not blowing my trumpet, but I am good at what I do. As it is a specialist role, it would be hard to get another role for a similar amount of money in another industry.

The last two years I have had a few contracts that I have found very stressful. I am supposed to work part time, but have worked far in excess of my hours in order to meet the deadlines (not due to my inefficiency!). I have done little else but work and when I am not working I am still thinking about it. I wake up every night thinking about it (and panicking), even during weekends or when I have time off. I feel sick before I start work. I still enjoy some aspects of the job, but it’s not possible to step down to a more junior role (as this is now often performed by people in other countries where labour is cheaper and not by contractors). I have worked from home for over 15 years and while it can be very convenient, it can be a bit isolating.

I saw a post on here about moving to a civil service role near the end of your working career as the pension is so good. I started looking and there’s a permanent full time junior role that looks as though it may be interesting. I would like something that is lower stress and I could leave at the end of the day and not think about it until the next day. I have a lot of transferable skills that the new job requires and it looks interesting to me. It is a very junior role and I would earn about a third of what I now earn (it would be a little more not than minimum wage). I could work in an office some of the time.

It would mean big changes to our family finances. I am in my mid 50s, married and have 2 children (at or about to go to higher education). Life is expensive at the moment. Our house needs lots of work doing on it which requires money. I am currently the higher earner. I was discussing with friends and they pointed out to me that I have been unhappy and stressed for the past 2 years and that it’s not good for me. They said I should just apply and see what happens. It would be such a big change and I am sure there would also be some pressure at the new job, and perhaps I need to tackle my reaction to stress rather than trying to avoid it by changing careers. It all feels very hard at the moment. My DH can see the stress I am under and is concerned but also is nervous about the huge drop in finances for the next 10 years, as am I.

I would be very interested in your thoughts on this. I know it’s not a simple as this but here’s my aibu:

Yanbu. - life is too short to be stressed and unhappy in your job. Apply for a new one and don’t worry about the money.

Yabu - keep going in your current set up and try and manage your stress for a few more years until the kids are through university, mortgage paid off and house improvements done and then get something less stressful closer to retirement.

I am going out today so may not be able to respond to questions but I will be reading when I can. Thanks everyone!

Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks

I don’t have wider advice, but just to say don’t move for the pension at your stage. You won’t get the benefit of it as you won’t build up enough years of service before retirement.

I personally would put my health ahead of any job, but in reality I think this needs to be a team decision (ie between you and DH) as it's not just about the money but also about the impact on you/DH/teenagers if you make yourself ill. Prevention is always better than cure!

Are the house improvements essential? With kids about to go to uni, is downsizing an option? I suppose you will need to think of how much financial support they will need also.

On the other hand maybe it's time to start thinking about you. Good luck with your decision OP.

Can you work only part of the year?

Maybe if you say what industry people can help you.

The finances is a tricky one. DH has been a contractor for 11 years. It’s easy to become used to the good wages it brings.

Surely change contract is the as we here?

You're not really 'near the end of your working life' - you have 2 children still at school, university fees etc and as the high earner could be working for another 10 years (I'm similar). I think it's too early to go for a low paid easy role and being in a junior role will drive you mad after being a high flier I reckon.

Get a new contract, dump all the stress and shit hanging over from this one and start afresh (I was a contractor for 10 years so know how it goes).

Way to go here.

Thank you to everyone who replied. It’s giving me a lot to think about. I think the pull of the new job is that I think it will have much less stress and that I can run away from the current job and how I am feeling. It’s been the last 3 contracts where I have felt like this. However, it’s possible that I could feel stressed in any role and perhaps it’s that I need to work on before throwing in the towel on my current industry.

I spoke with DH and a friend yesterday and think I will try and get some external help - either some kind of CBT and/or life coaching to try and work out what I want and whether I can change my perspective on work. I have always been a people pleaser and a perfectionist, and I don’t think either of these characteristics are helpful to me.

Thank you once again for your thoughts and advice.

I would try moving sideways into a new contract than think of going into a new career first. If that doesn't work then by all means try a new career! Surely not every client / contract is the same. There'll be one for you for sure. The alternative is could you do the odd days consultancy instead of a contract? less hours / more money plus extra free time and freedom.

You said you are working part time. Would it be possible to increase your current contract to full time, so you're actually getting paid for the hours that you work ?
Does your DH have the ability to increase his income ?

Surely there is some in between?? Management jobs in the public or voluntary sector?

Also thinking about it, presumably if you stay with the highly paid contracting work you'll get to retire earlier than with the lower paid civil service role.
If you can bear it I'd maximise income for the next 3-4 years and then take a step back. DCs can get student loans, house improvements can wait unless structural and necessary.

There are a few things going on here. Can you afford to go to a job that pays so much less? Is downsizing an option and not doing reno, which is very expensive at the moment due to materials cost? Addressing anxiety first before you make a big change is probably wise, invest in a therapist and learn some CBT to manage your stress and see if that makes your current job capable. If not, what needs to also change in your life so you can afford to go to the lower paid job? Don't just jump to the lower paid job without managing a) your own stress and b) the finances to allow it which would cause new stress. The civil service in my experience isn't a stress free environment at all, don't treat it as a silver bullet that will cure all this. It might well be part of the package that helps you address, but it probably won't do it alone without some other tools and decisions.

Your health comes first, but unless you can drop several rungs, are you just the sort of person who gets stressed?? In which case it might be worth working on that with a coach.

Re civil service job. No harm applying but realistically they may not want someone so over qualified. Work out the benefits you’d actually get - would you see much of the pension? And work out how you will realistically deal w a 2 thirds drop in income.

What will happen if you get the new job and it’s as stressful or worse but with less money?
DH is a Contractor and he finds it much less stressful than permie work and so do I when I have done it - you turn up, do your job and leave but I appreciate it might be the same in every industry. Do you have to do all the extra, surely that’s one of the upsides of Contracting - the relative lack of responsibility?

You don't say what type of work your contracts are, but DH works with contracts and contractors. To some extent you are in control of how stressful a contract is, surely? Have you just had a string of more stressful ones recently? Granted that with Covid in the mix, a lot of things have been more stressful.

Getting some counselling/life coaching sounds like a great idea.

You're good at your job, but struggling with stress due to unreasonable expectations. You have the power to push back/manage those expectations. Work on that and you could hugely reduce the stress you're under.

The problem with moving to a junior job is that you become very dependent on the quality of your line manager. If they're bad, it could be much more stressful without even the benefit of high pay of the ability to easily move on.

Good luck!