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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No settling in period at nursery?

18 replies

Paisleywall · 28/01/2022 22:01

My 3 year old will be starting at the nursery/pre school attached to the local school after the Easter holidays.

At the moment he’s at a private day nursery and he’s been there for quite some time.
He goes 3 days a week and will be doing the same at the school nursery.

Anyway when I spoke to them today, I asked about a settling in period and me or his dad coming into the classroom for the first day to help settle him in and the nursery teacher then told me they don’t tend to do that anymore and if he’s very distressed they’ll call me to come and collect him.

I’m wondering if I’m this is a covid thing or whether they just don’t do settling in anymore.

OP posts:

Britannah · 28/01/2022 22:11

When you say settling in session, do you mean the child doing a shorter session for the first few days to get a taste of it or you and DP going in and being with DC whilst they are there? When my DS started last year I had to drop him off at the door due to Covid but he did do a few settling in sessions which were shorter than the standard mornings. I would say if you can’t go in don’t dwell on it too much. Lots of positive talk around new nursery at home and ask the preschool to suggest ways you can ensure an easy as possible transition. Ours sent pictures of his coat box with his name on etc so I could show him before hand! It’s tough but remember they will have done this for many children! Good luck

gogohm · 28/01/2022 22:13

When my dd went to preschool (as opposed to nursery) 17 years ago there was no settling in, you dropped at the door - parents weren't allowed in the classroom for safeguarding reasons. It's not just covid

NuffSaidSam · 28/01/2022 22:14

I wouldn't expect this sort of settling at a school nursery even pre-covid.

I would expect you to be able to go in and look round with him before he starts and for him to meet the teacher, but not you being allowed into a normal nursery session.

NuffSaidSam · 28/01/2022 22:15

Is he missing out because he's starting at Easter? They normally do the look round/meet the teacher in the summer before they start in September usually.

busyeatingbiscuits · 28/01/2022 22:16

School nurseries don't tend to do settling in like private nurseries, but could you do a short day the first couple of days and collect before lunch?

busyeatingbiscuits · 28/01/2022 22:17

@NuffSaidSam

Is he missing out because he's starting at Easter? They normally do the look round/meet the teacher in the summer before they start in September usually.

Ours has an intake every term.

Cofifeefee · 28/01/2022 22:19

At 3 I wouldn't expect to be able to stay in the room with him. That's more for babies ime.

You could try short sessions to start off with until he gets used to it.

HairyScaryMonster · 28/01/2022 22:23

We didn’t even see inside the preschool classroom. Dd started 3 days immediately and luckily was fine.

Original poster

Paisleywall · 28/01/2022 22:24

I’m working though, so short sessions won’t work, he needs to do two full days unfortunately. If I get a call to collect him then obviously I will go.

We have already been to look round the early years setting and met the teachers and we liked it, as did he.

OP posts:

Barrawarra · 28/01/2022 22:25

In my experience it’s a covid thing, and I disagree with pps that settling in is only for babies. To me, it’s crazy to think that a 3 yr old (who is still a baby in relative terms anyway!) should be able to separate from you confidently into a new environment where they know no one.

Our school nursery head refused to drop the first day practice of parent staying in the room to fill in forms , and just had me sit in an open doorway wearing a mask, but able to see her. Her view was that it is brutal to drop that and I agree. Then she stayed for incrementally increasing periods of time on her own over a few days.

My youngest still hasn’t settled nearly as well as her older sister did, I think in part due to me now not being able to go with her into the nursery room to get coats off etc, help her feel comfy. I’d insist OP, there are some research papers about the state of young childrens MH since covid that you could quote.

Kartoffelnpie · 28/01/2022 22:27

If you’re working then could dad pick him up early?

Do you mean being able to take him into the classroom or actually staying with him? Just if you’re working then that’s difficult too.

busyeatingbiscuits · 28/01/2022 22:27

@Paisleywall

I’m working though, so short sessions won’t work, he needs to do two full days unfortunately. If I get a call to collect him then obviously I will go.

We have already been to look round the early years setting and met the teachers and we liked it, as did he.

If you don't have time to pick him up early on his first day, how were you going to have time to sit in with him?

If you're worried about him settling I'd take his first day off work.

Kartoffelnpie · 28/01/2022 22:32

I had to change DCs nursery during lockdown one as the original one closed and one setting wouldn’t let me in to even look. I didn’t feel able to leave them with staff they’d never met in an unfamiliar building.

Original poster

Paisleywall · 28/01/2022 22:39

Maybe I should email and try and speak to the teacher. I don’t want to make a fuss but at the same time I don’t want him to be scared..

OP posts:

Minniem2020 · 28/01/2022 22:45

We just had one very quick visit to the school nursery with DS too.
Although they did do the 1st 3 days just mornings for everyone.
I was really worried about how he would be as he has some additional needs particularly around routines/familiarity but he was absolutely fine and went in the 2nd day with no hesitation

Original poster

Paisleywall · 28/01/2022 22:53

I’m going to email and ask if I can go in for a visit with him before he starts.
I’m also going to try and change my hours so he can do mornings on the first week, but depends how flexible work are. His dad is a teacher at a secondary school in the next town so he can’t really take time off.

It says in their school information online booklet / prospectus thingy that the nursery teachers do home visits to help allow for a smooth transition, I guess that’s off because of Covid?

OP posts:

CorpusCallosum · 28/01/2022 23:11

If you're both working I don't understand how either of you would be free to do the settling anyway?

If you'll be going at some point in the first bit of time then how much difference is it going to make leaving him at the door vs in the classroom? From his POV he can either have a parent there 'helping' or he can learn from day 1 what's expected on entering the space - he's 3 so I bet he's up to it, let him show you what he can do! 💚

Xmassprout · 28/01/2022 23:14

My youngest has just done a full week of settling in sessions, but that is with a private nursery

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