To wonder if it's because of my job?

[HotWheels72]

I have two kids. I work at their school. I have a few school mums that I chat to (as a fellow parent) but other than that, I miss out on all the school run banter and friendships that seem to be made. I am FB friends with those few that I got to know when my eldest was at nursery so I see photos of them all getting together with their kids and friends, etc. We've just started having birthday parties again and parent meet ups but neither me or my kids ever get invited to these. Is it because of my job? Do they think I'm some kind of spy for the school? Why wouldn't they involve my kids even if they didn't want me hanging around with them?

I don't need friends, I'm not desperate, I just feel bad for my kids. I see them all playing on the playground together (I try to steer clear of my own kids at school but still see them having fun with their friends) so it's not like they're out of the circles or anything. Is there anything I could do to help this or will I just seem petty and silly? We have had some play dates with one or two other kids in the past but haven't recently with Covid, and my kids have to go to after school club so it makes it harder to invite other kids for dinner as the parents would have to pay for after school club until I finished work.

Thanks for reading! Please be kind.

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to treat me as just another parent, and my kids the same as all the others?

This is largely why I’d personally never send my child to a school I worked at. You get a lot of advice on here to work at a private school so that your children can get a discount on fees, but I went to the school my mum taught at and it was bloody awful!

Sorry to hear that. Not a nice place to be. I don't see why you being there should affect their decision. One of my school friends had a mum who was in the administration side. Made no difference to who he was friends with.

Do you have anyone you could ask? What about other mums who work in the school do they experience the same issue?

I think it’s more the after school
Clubs, stops you being around and therefore not seen.

Have play dates and see if it changes

@Caramelvanillafudge

This is largely why I’d personally never send my child to a school I worked at. You get a lot of advice on here to work at a private school so that your children can get a discount on fees, but I went to the school my mum taught at and it was bloody awful!

See, my mum worked at my primary school and it was fine! Never had an issue. I had loads of good friends and went to their houses/they came to mine. If it makes any difference, I got the job after they were already at school but Covid came along pretty quick after.

@Rocktheboat56

Sorry to hear that. Not a nice place to be. I don't see why you being there should affect their decision. One of my school friends had a mum who was in the administration side. Made no difference to who he was friends with.

Do you have anyone you could ask? What about other mums who work in the school do they experience the same issue?

As far as I'm aware, there aren't any other staff who have kids at the school. I might try asking one of the mums who I am kinda on friendly terms with to see if she has an opinion...

@Freddiefox

I think it’s more the after school Clubs, stops you being around and therefore not seen.

Have play dates and see if it changes

I'm planning to kick up the play dates and also do big birthday parties for my kids this year so maybe that will help?

Are you in touch with them? Do you invite them to things?

How old are the children? My eldest is year 3 and she doesn't always invite the old nursery friends to things any more. Could it be the children choosing?

My two are in year 1 and reception so I'm quite new to the school parties thing, as eldest didn't get any last year in reception due to covid.

But one thing I've noticed is that parties either aren't happening, or the few where we've been invited to, it's not automatically the whole class, which I presumed would happen in the younger years.

Whether this is down to the child/parents preference or covid I've not worked out yet, but the ones I've been to have been a mix of children from across classes, so some would not have been invited and we have definitely not been invited to some parties.

Apparently lots of places still have covid restrictions so the whole class is impossible to invite. As long as your child isn't the only one I wouldn't worry.

You working at school certainly wouldn't put me off inviting you or your children though, so long as mine are friends with them. In fact, I know DD is good friends with a girl who's mum works in the school and both child & mum are lovely!

I do maintain a distance with two potential mum friends (one used to be in baby swimming lessons with my child, we always seemed to chat and catch up but changed groups before I could suggest coffee, the other a mum of one of my middle child's friends) BUT in the same year they started working at youngest's school.

I'm now aware of their professional boundaries and I can't be sure when we have friendly chats if they're just being polite now. So whilst I am unlikely to start a chat I've noticed they are more chatty with me than others. Bumping into them outside of school might help?