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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Perfect maternity leave?

92 replies

FawnFrenchieMum · 28/01/2022 12:16

Posting here for traffic. Just did fun

If you were making the rules on Stat Maternity pay, what would be the best ideal package and why?

I think 12 months full pay for me. Any longer I’d be too out of touch with the work and company. Any less feels like I’m leaving them ‘too young.

I did go back to work after 6&9 months respectively with my too, basically due to pay (the package was increased between child one & two).

OP posts:
shouldistop · 28/01/2022 15:40

@JackieCollinshasnoauthority

Personally I think a year is way too long so 6/9 months for both parents would be my ideal. 6 months at full pay to be taken within the first year. I would also like to see paid parental leave up to 18 years in line with the current unpaid entitlement.

Genuinely can't believe people think women should have up to 3 years off and maybe 2 months for men. It's a free pass for men to disengage from parenting and family life. Completely regressive.

Op specifically asked about maternity leave, not paternity leave.
Musttryharder2021 · 28/01/2022 15:46

@TheFishWillSeeYouNow

Ideally, maternity and paternity leave abolished and replaced with parental leave. 12 months full pay, for mothers and fathers.
This.
kikisparks · 28/01/2022 15:51

A year full pay for mother of baby up to 9 months of which can be given to other parent to use instead.

3 months full pay “use it or lose it” for other parent as well.

JanuaryPinks · 28/01/2022 15:51

Agree with others that there needs to be a use it or lose it amount for men that is an addition to their partner’s allocation and can’t be taken at the same time. Ideally it would be on a similar scale to women. I think both parents being entitled to 9 months would be ideal.

I don’t think there will be true equality for women until men start taking parental leave. And I don’t think enough of them will take it unless there are strong incentives for them to do so (ie the use it or lose it Point). Also huge benefits to kids and mothers to fathers taking an active role in early years.

Cakeandcardio · 28/01/2022 16:22

I was fortunate in that my partner got 4 weeks paternity through his work (fully paid) and I was able to take 12 months off work, which increased to 13 months with holidays (3 months full pay, the other 6 months smp and 3 months unpaid). My DH isn't a high earner but we made it work as we were able to save before baby. I would say this was a really good amount. I'm always shocked when I hear of women having to go back to work 6 weeks post-partum etc. Rules made by a man!

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 28/01/2022 16:30

But people are commenting on paternity leave?

JanuaryPinks · 28/01/2022 16:34

@JackieCollinshasnoauthority

But people are commenting on paternity leave?
The point is that maternity policies shouldn’t be considered in a vacuum. When thinking about the ideal maternity package the question of leave entitlement for your partner is clearly relevant.
SleepingStandingUp · 28/01/2022 16:57

specific rule for premature babies: only count from due date there absolutely has to be something in around prem babies but I think it should be linked to their medical needs not gestation, so aimed primarily at prem babies but picks up poorly newborns too. DS was 35 weeker, in 13 weeks. DTwins were 36 weeker, in 3 days (cos I had C Sec). I wouldn't have warranted extra time with DTwins but DS was 7 weeks adjusted when he got home. (Then back in at 4 months and then 6 and then 10..). It isn't only prem parents who spend months of their mat leave in hospital

Anonymous48 · 28/01/2022 17:06

I'm in the US and got 6 weeks. I took a further 2 weeks unpaid so went back to work when my baby was 8 weeks old. More would certainly have been nicer, but to be honest I can't imagine taking a full year off and then going back to work in the same job, same position, etc.

Ideally, 4 months would have been perfect probably. I would have been a bit more settled as a parent than I was at 8 weeks but still not feel like too much time and too many projects had passed me by at the office.

Gizacluethen · 28/01/2022 17:06

I think making SMP a year's full pay would make women unemployable, unless you're expecting the gov to fund it. Then it would be massively abused by business owners and upper management. I'd have loved 2yrs out of work though

Anonymous48 · 28/01/2022 17:08

@Anonymous48

I'm in the US and got 6 weeks. I took a further 2 weeks unpaid so went back to work when my baby was 8 weeks old. More would certainly have been nicer, but to be honest I can't imagine taking a full year off and then going back to work in the same job, same position, etc.

Ideally, 4 months would have been perfect probably. I would have been a bit more settled as a parent than I was at 8 weeks but still not feel like too much time and too many projects had passed me by at the office.

Oh, and I would have had the 2 weeks before my due date off as well, except that my baby decided to come before that!
Crimesean · 28/01/2022 17:18

8 weeks?! That's barbaric! The US really needs to up its game on this, there's been loads of research on the 4th trimester.

Anonymous48 · 28/01/2022 17:27

@Crimesean

8 weeks?! That's barbaric! The US really needs to up its game on this, there's been loads of research on the 4th trimester.
The 4th trimester? I've never heard of it. What does that mean?

As I said, I actually got 6 weeks maternity pay but took an extra 2 weeks unpaid. It's been a few years so it might be a bit better now, but that was standard for a professional job at the time.

Anonymous48 · 28/01/2022 17:29

@Crimesean
I do think women should get longer than 6 weeks, but barbaric? That seems like a bit of an exaggeration. I had a traumatic birth but I was perfectly capable to commuting and working a full time office job by 6 weeks post partum.

JanuaryPinks · 28/01/2022 17:35

What about your baby though @Anonymous48?

Anonymous48 · 28/01/2022 17:39

@JanuaryPinks

What about your baby though *@Anonymous48*?
What about her?
Moonbabysmum · 28/01/2022 17:43

How can there be time to build up that relationship, for the baby to form a secure attachment etc?

You'd also miss so much of their early development.

Whilst its manageable clearly (the US being an example of this), it's clearly not ideal for mum or baby, and frankly just smacks of having priorities all wrong (the policy, not individual women who have little choice).

Life shouldn't be all work work work until we die. Making time for children, holidays, rest is so important.

Caspianberg · 28/01/2022 17:45

Where I live it’s also compulsory to start maternity 8 weeks before, ie from 32 weeks.

For me 8 weeks after is terrible. Straight forward birth, and I did actually start working from home after ( run B and B). But at 8 weeks, Ds was up and down all night, so I was on about 2-3 hour sleep. With that I could choose to do what I could at home working, but would have been a danger driving to an office or similar as so tired.

Because of long maternity ( and paternity here), childcare before 2-3 years format really exist

MummyMe87 · 28/01/2022 17:53

12months full pay for mum and 2months full pay for dad

Anonymous48 · 28/01/2022 17:55

@Moonbabysmum

How can there be time to build up that relationship, for the baby to form a secure attachment etc?

You'd also miss so much of their early development.

Whilst its manageable clearly (the US being an example of this), it's clearly not ideal for mum or baby, and frankly just smacks of having priorities all wrong (the policy, not individual women who have little choice).

Life shouldn't be all work work work until we die. Making time for children, holidays, rest is so important.

I would certainly have preferred to be home with my baby than back at work at 8 weeks, but we couldn't afford for me to be a stay at home parent at that point. However, I don't feel that it affected her development. My husband and I formed a very strong relationship with her in those first 8 weeks, and that continued during weekday mornings and evenings, and weekends. She also had a wonderful loving childminder, and she was a very contented happy secure baby.
MummyMe87 · 28/01/2022 17:56

I couldn’t have gone back to work at 8weeks, I had stitches that didn’t dissolve until about 14weeks post birth and my baby breastfeed around the clock very very frequently until 9months, reducing a bit afterwards enough for me to go back to work at 12months. Plus I was utterly exhausted with a baby who didn’t believe in sleep

Caspianberg · 28/01/2022 17:59

Does the us have a very low breastfeeding rate? Ds fed every 90ish mins until he was 9+ months

Ionlydomassiveones · 28/01/2022 18:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

JanuaryPinks · 28/01/2022 18:04

@Anonymous48 you said it was no big deal for you returning to work after 8 weeks, but how do you think it was for your baby? I appreciate you didn’t have a choice, but in an ideal world, don’t you think your baby would have benefited from more time with you? Neither of my children would even let me put them down or hand them to their dad at 8 weeks.

PumpkinPie2016 · 28/01/2022 18:05

6 weeks is shocking in my opinion! I had a long labour and emergency c-section. There's no way I could have returned to work after 6 weeks Shock

I would say ideal would be 12 months. I went back when my son was 10 months and it was fine.

Mainly though, I would like to see greater paternity leave for the father (or other parent). My husband got 2 weeks which really isn't long at all and I would have liked to have him around for longer.

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