Had ill health last year, this year it seems forgotten

[Feelcrap]

This is kind of scary for me to come on here cos I’ve been a member for years but never had the balls to come on this AIBA thingy, but hey let’s do it. So, anyway, my issue which I would like to get a balanced view on, is that last year I got breast cancer, early stage but enough to warrant a mastectomy. All good up until I felt a thickening on my sternum last month. Told my DP of 25 years my fears, and we both agreed that I should get it checked out by GP. I did wander though whether this ‘lump’ might have already been there, maybe it’s not a place I would check for lumps as it’s literally central of my chest so not breast tissue territory. Anyway I told Dp that I got an appt for Dr today, this was 2 days ago. I have been massively fretting about it but he didn’t know that. Anyway, today, Dr said she couldn’t feel a lump, I could, DP could but I will take her opinion on it. That’s not the issue, my issue is that DP totally forgot about my appt, not only did he forget, he asked me because of my cool demeanour when he got home from work whether he had forgotten anything. I’m so upset that he could forget about this. Is there anyway you could get beyond this? He was very apologetic but it just shows lack of care and love to me

Oh crap! Please ignore this. I regret posting. Ive had a skinful

Aw sending hugs. YANBU That would wind me up massively, but it was a mistake so the kindest thing for yourself is to let it go. Please get a second opinion though. Doctors are not infallible and you and DH will know your body much better than they could.

I'm sorry to hear that you had breast cancer last year. I'm assuming you had treatment of some sort and hopefully in remission? I can understand being upset that your DP forgot the appointment. Yes, its likely the MAIN thing on your mind, but not his.

I recently found a breast lump for the 1st time. GP didn't think it was sinister, and waited weeks before making a referral! The whole time, for 6 weeks, every day, I could feel this rope like thing in my breast, plus had increasing pain. DH did ask from time to time how I was, but not often.

Maybe your DP really did just forget. I know that seems awful, but we are all human and I've forgotten things DH has done! Does your DP have stress at work? Money issues? Other things going on?

I'd sleep on it and re- think things tomorrow. Wishing you all the best

You're stressed, upset & tired. Try not to worry .Get some sleep and ask for a second opinion tomorrow. xx

I would ask for a second opinion if both of you can feel the lump.

You didn't tell your husband how worried you were and the appointment obviously slipped his mind but being off with him until he asked what was wrong is bad communication on your part. Just tell him straight.

I don’t think he’s forgotten that you were ill last year; he’d just forgotten that you’d told him you’d arranged a doctor’s appointment for today. Which is easily done, especially if, as you say, you hadn’t been making a big deal of it and being worried.

Obviously you’re fragile and scared and being hurt is understandable. But if he was supportive and solid when you were ill and is generally a great partner, I don’t think forgetting about your appointment is something which needs to be seen in a “can we ever get past this?” light. Agree about getting a second opinion or insisting on a referral though, GPs aren’t specialists.

I totally agree with everything that has been said. It’s been on my mind and evidently not on DP’s. I’m massively upset by that because I just can’t understand his lack of concern. I worry so much about his health and yet I feel that its not returned. I guess I’m being hard on him, he is normally for me but, well I just can’t get over the fact he wasn’t concerned enough to worry about this. He does have a lot of stress at work so maybe I do have to take that into account but I still won’t forgive him just yet!
Actually good point about getting second opinion because GP said that 3 times, said that even though she couldn’t feel it, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get her colleagues to check it out. Thank you for your replies. I’m just about able to focus on these words, I’ve had so much to drink and Will regret writing anything but I appreciate the replies

Totally agree with your replies. Thank you for making me see things more clearer