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Original poster

Name confusion

27 replies

Superoverthinker · 27/01/2022 21:55

So I have a dd who was named last month and birth was registered.
Her middle name is a name that I'd been calling her all the way through pregnancy but my inlaws didn't like it so we kept it as a.middle name and chose our second choice name as her first name.
Turns out they're not that keen on that either.
I cant call her by her first name as although I like, it doesn't seem liker her iykwim..I keep calling her by her middle name and so do most of my family and fiends.
I think we should get her name changed but my dh says keep them the same and just call her by her middle name.
Would that be confusing though?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 27/01/2022 21:57

It isn’t confusing to call a child by their middle name but I am confused as to why you’re giving your ILs so much say to your child’s name?

You should agree the name you like and stick with it instead of being pressured in to using something else!

Hairyfriend · 27/01/2022 21:58

Why would you choose a name because the in-laws like it? Are you very young and under the thumb by your DH? Confused

I would change it to what YOU and DH want. Its nothing to do with your in-laws.

stuntbubbles · 27/01/2022 21:58

I know a few people who go by their middle name. It’s not confusing - easy enough to just use a name and lots of official forms have a space for “known as”.

RandomMess · 27/01/2022 21:59

I was called by my middle name, hated it. Switched to my first name aged 8.

Personally I'd change it and stuff your in laws.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/01/2022 21:59

I keep calling her by her middle name and so do most of my family and fiends.

Sounds like an apt typo for your in laws!

BatshitBanshee · 27/01/2022 22:05

It's not confusing, but no way in hell would I allow my in laws to dictate my baby's name, I couldn't give a damn what they think. Just change it round, the way you want it.

modgepodge · 27/01/2022 22:05

I think it is confusing. I have a friend who is known by her middle name and she wishes her parents had just called her the name they wanted to call her, instead of randomly giving her a first name they didn’t plan on using. Would have saved her a lifetime of ‘hi, yes I’m Mary, but please call me Emma’.

I think you can change it quite easily up to a year? After that it is more complicated. I’d just change it tbh.

Santahasjoinedww · 27/01/2022 22:07

When my mil said she didn't like ds's name I said nobody was forcing her to see him... You give your ils waaay too much power op..

Thatsplentyjack · 27/01/2022 22:14

What the fuck? You let your inlaws decide what you called your child?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/01/2022 22:17

Change it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugasauras · 27/01/2022 22:18

Your first mistake was letting your in-laws have any say in what you name your own child. How on earth did that come about?!

perimenofertility · 27/01/2022 22:18

It's not confusing, loads of people do it, most of my family do, although in my family we say we use our second name rather than say middle name. Perhaps if you think of it like that it will be less confusing, she has two names and you're using one of them. Also agree you've given your in laws too much sway!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/01/2022 22:40

Just change it officially. I know others say it's not confusing but it's a bit odd not to just use your first name as, you know, your first name!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 27/01/2022 22:45

I think it’s confusing. I know a couple of people who have always gone by their middle name (seemed to be fairly common where I grew up in Wales) and I always wonder why they didn’t just have it as a first name. In school when we got new teachers they would always get the names wrong as the first name would be on the register.

If you prefer the middle name and that’s what she’ll be known as i’d just change her name now while she’s tiny.

DiddyHeck · 27/01/2022 22:46

You've grown a child, now grow a backbone. It's nobody else's business what you call your child.

Georgeskitchen · 27/01/2022 23:02

Perfectly acceptable to be known by a middle name, oh and BTW; tell your inlaws to take a running jump!!

PattyPan · 27/01/2022 23:04

My dad and MIL both go by their middle names and always have done so it’s not unheard of but would definitely be easier if you make it her first name.

Original poster
Superoverthinker · 28/01/2022 03:06

They didn't choose the name, my dh mentioned the middle name and they said it wasn't nice so then to me he'd been saying he preferred our second choice ( he said not because of inlaws but I know how he is when they say something to him)
I DO like the second choice of name which is why I said fine, it's a nice name but I find myself calling DD by the more unusual middle name as that's what I'd been calling her the whole time.
Plus now it pisses me off that they don't even like the second choice of name anyway so what does it matter. They had very traditional ideas which I said no to.
Think Patrick or Thomas ( which are perfectly great names BTW just not my choice) whereas my first choice is more like Xavier or Apollo
And yes I've used boys names rather than girls as an example but because I don't want to be outing and I think it would be otherwise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Superoverthinker · 28/01/2022 03:10

Part of me thinks what if I end up calling her first name eventually then her middle name stops being used and that saddens me but maybe I'm being sensitive and over thinking things

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 28/01/2022 04:31

No idea why you listened to in laws when naming your child !

Change her name now though. I use my middle name (my parents decision when I was born), it’s a pain in the ass. As someone else said - get a new teacher and they always call the wrong name off the register, try to book doctors etc and have to give your first name and have conversations whilst they call you by your first name (a name you never use!), booking plane tickets - must be first name, kids being mean when you’re growing up saying ‘ooh so x isn’t your real name’ , ‘well yes it is but I just use my middle name’ 🙄🙄

Change her name OP

RedRobin100 · 28/01/2022 04:34

Change her name
And ignore your in laws please!

bcc89 · 28/01/2022 06:01

@Superoverthinker

Part of me thinks what if I end up calling her first name eventually then her middle name stops being used and that saddens me but maybe I'm being sensitive and over thinking things
You do realise this is YOUR baby, right?
MooSakah · 28/01/2022 06:05

It's fine to call baby by middle name but just make sure if they goes to nursery or school they know other otherwise they may get ignored!

Personally if you and DH like the middle name better then go and get it changed again.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 28/01/2022 06:09

You absolutely need to decide what name you’ll be calling her now and forever or the poor kid is going to be very confused, you can’t switch to using her actual first name at a point in time.

Decide the name with your DH. Then think about making sure that’s the first name on the certificate because there will undoubtedly be confusion at school. with banks, In hospitals, etc if they don’t match. I know someone who has this and it’s not ideal.

stairgates · 28/01/2022 06:17

Change it, one of mine doesn't go by her first name never has and if somebody uses it she goes into a meltdown, the other children use it to tease her sometimes.

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