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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not tell her parents?

28 replies

santorinisal · 27/01/2022 17:53

DD (16 yrs old) went to a sleepover with friends at the weekend. A girl she used to go to school with (primary) was there due to mutual friend, although she’s not really in touch with my DD any more these days. The ‘old’ friend told all the girls she’d got a great money making scheme… had met a 17 yr old who lives at the other end of country online and he was paying her £150 a week via PayPal to send 2 pictures a week of her naked bum. She’s earnt over £500 so far. The girls all seemed to think this was harmless and a little funny.

Obviously this is worrying for many reasons and if that was my daughter I’d want to know about it. I do know the girls parents vaguely and feel I should say something, but I don’t want to cause problems for DD with her friends, and don’t want to damage DDs trust in me (she shares very openly with me I think at the moment and I’m scared to risk that). Could all be made up to shock/impress anyway and cause a lot of upset for nothing… wwyd?

(Goes without saying had a serious conversation with DD about the risks and issues with the whole thing!)

OP posts:
CoffeeNeeded2019 · 27/01/2022 18:09

I think I’d have a chat with DD & explain the possible awful implications for other children if this person is allowed to continue ‘unchecked’
Because let’s face it, the chances it’s actually a 17 year old is up there with pigs flying unfortunately.
These are classic abuse tactics leading to coercive control & manipulation, often worse
Then explain why this information needs to be shared, and maybe speak to the girl first & see if she’ll tell her parents or wants you to help her ?

pinkyredrose · 27/01/2022 18:10

Lol at a 17yr old having that kind of money!

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 27/01/2022 18:11

Of course it could all be a story from the girl, because all sorts of pictures are available for free online Sad

WorriedGiraffe · 27/01/2022 18:19

How old is this girl? Because if she’s not yet turned 16 or you arnt sure then it’s a whole other story. But yes you should report it, you must realise that the pervert paying £150 a week isn’t a 17 year old, it’s a dirty old man, what if he offers more money for something else and she ends up in danger, would you be ok with knowing you could have helped her?

FortniteBoysMum · 27/01/2022 18:21

I would personally talk to dd and the mutual friend. Tell them both that this is a serious situation. This person receiving the images could be an old man selling them on the Internet. These images could be of a lot more than her bum. Tell them you feel her parents need to know about this. Point out it is illegal to share sexual images of a person under 18. I would say you could report this anonymously to the police to look into however of its true that would result in this girl possibly receiving a criminal record.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 27/01/2022 18:30

Oh gosh. That is a tough one. I bet that the images are being sold on. And that the person isn't who they say they are.

Could you get in touch with her school safeguarding lead?

Gardengates · 27/01/2022 18:34

I would explain to your DD why you need to tell her friend's parents.

This situation could easily escalate and once pictures are sent they are out there forever.

legalseagull · 27/01/2022 18:35

Tell the parents!

legalseagull · 27/01/2022 18:36

She's being taken advantage off and might advance to more serious photos or even meeting up. Protect her by telling her parents.

Dillydollydingdong · 27/01/2022 18:38

I can't see that a 17 year old boy would have that sort of money AND surely if he wanted to see a teenage girl's bum he'd get a girlfriend? Hmm

NeverChange · 27/01/2022 19:55

I would tell her parents and ask them to respect the fact you don't want their daughter knowing who told them and would really appreciate if they could deal with it without doing so.

If the situation was reversed you would want her mother to tell you.

user1471453601 · 27/01/2022 20:03

And you really think a 17year old has £150 of disposable income?

Either he's a very, very rich young person, or he's lying about his age.

Of course you should tell the parents. If this is true (both what you post and what the girl has said) it's dangerous

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 27/01/2022 20:20

Imagine it was your daughter & the other mum didn't tell you OP.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 27/01/2022 20:21

I can't actually believe you are wondering about this.

Original poster
santorinisal · 27/01/2022 20:25

It does all sound very odd to me, hence I was hoping it was just a story she told to impress her old primary friends or something. On that basis I was reluctant to cause upset for the girl and her family and break DDs trust but if it is true then I have all kinds of nightmare scenarios it could develop into playing on my mind! I like ‘reallyworried’s suggestion re speaking to safe guarding person at school - hopefully they will be discrete and the girl will be more comfortable speaking to them than me (who she barely knows)… I’ll call them tomorrow, thanks so much for helpful responses!

OP posts:
Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 27/01/2022 20:31

He's not likely to be 17. He's probably either grooming her or will blackmail her eventually when she doesn't do as he wants to get her to do more and more worse stuff.
Tell her parents, contact CEOP or the police.

Theunamedcat · 27/01/2022 20:33

Like hell is she sending pictures of her arse

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 27/01/2022 20:34

@santorinisal

It does all sound very odd to me, hence I was hoping it was just a story she told to impress her old primary friends or something. On that basis I was reluctant to cause upset for the girl and her family and break DDs trust but if it is true then I have all kinds of nightmare scenarios it could develop into playing on my mind! I like ‘reallyworried’s suggestion re speaking to safe guarding person at school - hopefully they will be discrete and the girl will be more comfortable speaking to them than me (who she barely knows)… I’ll call them tomorrow, thanks so much for helpful responses!
Good idea op. You would feel terrible if something worse happened to the poor girl.
PreparationPreparationPrep · 27/01/2022 21:51

2 pictures a week of her naked bum.

I'm wondering if 17 year old is telling the truth- and if she is agree with PP if she isn't why is she saying this.

Also 2 pics every week - isn't it the same bum - in effect the same pic?

Winniemarysarah · 27/01/2022 21:55

Well obviously this is sick but I’m not sure what can be done about it really. The girl is legally able to consent and it’s not illegal to sell pictures of your bum. I’d have a good chat with your daughter about how stupid and potentially dangerous this is though

DazedandConfused3 · 27/01/2022 22:02

As she’s under 18, she is producing and distributing child porn and possibly more (assuming it hasn’t escalated already) I don’t think you can just ignore this and need to refer this to the school, her parents or the police.
This girl is being sexually exploited.

ExpulsoCorona · 27/01/2022 22:36

I wonder if your DD has told you about this because she realises that it's really dodgy and she would like to see how you, her trusted adult, reacts and what the correct thing to do is. I think you need to have a chat with her about why her parents need to know about this.

Clymene · 27/01/2022 23:02

@Winniemarysarah

Well obviously this is sick but I’m not sure what can be done about it really. The girl is legally able to consent and it’s not illegal to sell pictures of your bum. I’d have a good chat with your daughter about how stupid and potentially dangerous this is though
No, she could be convicted of distributing images of a naked child.

If you don't know what you're talking about, best not to comment.

OP - you must tell her parents. She could end up with a conviction. And she is being groomed and exploited.

LondonQueen · 27/01/2022 23:45

Personally I would phone the police. It's almost a certainty that whoever she is sending the photos too is not a 17 year old. She could be in serious danger if it proceeded to more than just photos. Please don't allow this to get worse by doing nothing.

LondonQueen · 27/01/2022 23:47

@Winniemarysarah

Well obviously this is sick but I’m not sure what can be done about it really. The girl is legally able to consent and it’s not illegal to sell pictures of your bum. I’d have a good chat with your daughter about how stupid and potentially dangerous this is though
It's illegal to send explicit photos under 18, you cannot consent to those including receiving them.