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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think I have limerence, advice welcome?

5 replies

Opal93 · 27/01/2022 15:59

I have posted before about this, and I know there have been a few similar threads done recently but I really feel like I am going batshit so advice and experiences are very welcome. I am happily married and accepted a friend request recently from an old, old ex. This was the first boy I really connected with and had a sexual relationship with, and I always kept running back to him after it ended even though I can see now he was just using me for sex. He two timed me with another girl and takes to other girls behind my back. I don’t regret the relationship though because when I met my next boyfriend (who is now my husband) I was very very firm that I was not up for being treated like shit and didn’t bother with any silly twats since. I accepted the request purely out of curiosity, and if I’m really honest, smugness, as I look very happy and healthy and have a very good life and wanted him to see. Petty I know! But lately he has been occupying a great deal of my headspace. I get a little excited if he likes my photos and find myself wondering what will I do if I bump into him, what would I say etc? I definitely shouldn’t care this much. I don’t think I’m even thinking of him in a fancying sort of way just far too much and often if that makes sense! Does this sound like linerence maybe? I know this post is bizzare but I can’t tell anyone IRL because I’d be mortified! If anyone has experienced similar please share with me x

OP posts:
shropshire11 · 27/01/2022 16:50

It was understandable to accept the request, but it’s evidently now causing you distraction for zero benefit - unless you intend to take this contact further, which it sounds like you don’t.

On that basis I would be inclined to draw a line under it by unfriending. That will remove the drip-drip of reminders and let you get back to living your real life, not wondering about the past.

BowerOfBramble · 27/01/2022 16:57

It honestly just sounds like you're maybe feeling a bit bored, anxious or underappreciated in your current life and this is filling some kind of void.

On facebook you can "take a break" from your "friendship" with someone - there are a few different options. Maybe check them out.

WhyYesYABU · 27/01/2022 17:09

I agree with the above!

On a side note, I've never heard anyone say the word limerence IRL and see it all the time on Mumsnet

WhyYesYABU · 27/01/2022 17:10

Posted wayyy after writing, meant to say I agree with unfriending. Just do it.

Rodion · 27/01/2022 17:14

I'm not convinced it's limerence, it sounds more like a sort of nostalgia - that you're enjoying having the exciting feelings associated with this man stirred up again. Add in an element of showing off because you know he is looking at your photos etc and it's a hit of a buzz.

I'd delete him, or at least hide him, as nothing good or helpful is through that door!

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