in planning to give my child my surname as the father has done eff all.

[belstaff]

i dont mind him being on the birth certificate but why should my child bear his surname when all he has been is a waste of time. am i cutting myself off legally to child support rights etc if i dont give the child his surname, and if i put the father down on the register does it automatically take his surname?

[Alambil]

Think VERY carefully - VS has covered it all regarding PR rights.

If I were you, he wouldn't be going on the certificate and would have my surname.

[melinda]

I'd probably name him on the cert - might be embarrassing for your child in later life if the 'father' space is blank, and parental responsiblity is very easy to get through the courts if he wants it.
But I'd definitely give him your name. Why shouldn't you? You are entitled to have the same name as your child and it will make it easier re doctors and even taking your child abroad on holiday if you have the same name.
The child's father will have exactly the same financial obligations towards the child regardless.

[VictorianSqualor]

Melinda, parental responsibilty is only easy to get if it isn't contested ot the father can show he is a good dad.
It is however a lot harder to take away from someone.
I really can't see how it would cause embarrassment in the future, who is likely to read the birth certificate that wouldn't be close enough for the real explanation to be told to?

[melinda]

You often have to show your certificate as an adult. I think it looks as if you didn't know who the father was.

[holidaywonk]

No no no melinda! As VS says, it sounds as though this fellow is very unlikely to remove his head from his arse long enough to realise that parental responsibility even exists. Why should belstaff voluntarily give him legal powers that he might use to make her life difficult? He has already demonstrated so little interest in the pregnancy.

belstaff, please don't put his name on the birth certificate without thinking over the issues very carefully!

[VictorianSqualor]

Think about it, don't give him parental responsibility and be able to do what you believe is best for your child, then if he decides to pull himself together and be a good father it's as simple as you both signing a piece of paper to grant him it.

Or do give him it, realise he is actually an arse (that urinates in bedrooms!), move on and for some reason or other wish to give a new partner PR. eg. I am pg now, could have problems and end up in hospital, dp needs to be able to take resp. for my two but he can't legally because to grant him PR we have to take it to court and get XDP's PR taken away, or get him to agree to DP having PR, or prove to a judge that it is in my childs best interests.

Long-winded and avoidable.

With DD he doesn't even have to know, but the second I take him to court WRT DS he knows he has equal say in his schooling, where he lives, if she leaves the country to go on holiday, if he ever goes to the docs/hospital for something etc etc etc.

Unless you are sure you want to give the father 100% control over yours and your childs life, do not put him on the birth certificate.

[DarthVader]

If parents are unmarried then the most sensible thing is to give the child the mothers surname. It is only tradition that stands in the way of this, but this is a mindset that belongs to a bygone age imo.

[PillockOfTheCommunity]

belstaff, my ds2 is 8mths old, I thought long and hard about this issue and DID NOT put his father on the birth certificate. I'm happy to chat through it with you via email if you want to? Would rather not do it on here as I suspect his SIL reads!

[discoverlife]

My SIL had two children by one partner before 2003 and although they were given partners surname, she was able to have their names changed by deed poll at a later date when the relationship ended. If you have your DP's surname for your children you WONT be able to do so without his permission, and we all know that it will not be forthcoming because being your average bloke (pissing on the floor WTF) he will want to piss you off without thought about whats best for the children.

[Alambil]

Absolutely listen to VS - please.

My ex is on the BC - I regret this every waking day.

He hasn't seen DS for 4 years, he hasn't paid me A PENNY in maintenance, he is abusive and dangerous.

I want to get DS name changed to my surname but I have to pay to go to court to do so and run the risk of the judge saying no.

If I want to emigrate (which I do) I'd have to get his permission - and he wouldn't grant it, just because he can say no. Again, it would be paying for another court case if I wanted to over-ride him.

WHY should I have to get his blardy permission to live MY life and raise DS how I see fit, with his best interests at heart? I shouldn't - but I have to, all because his name is on the poxy certificate.

Don't do it - it REALLY isn't worth it.