To want us all to have a good night's sleep?

[Cornishbelle]

Hi all, posting here for traffic

My husband and I are at our wits end with sleep (or lack of it). To give a bit of background, my dd age 3 has never been the greatest sleeper but we had got into a good routine and things were going well, we went through the return to toddler bed stage around a year ago now, and things settled down.

However these past few weeks she has started to resist bedtime more and more. It has now got to the point where she panicked before we even go upstairs for bedtime bath story teeth etc. She doesn't want to sleep alone, we've tried bringing her into our bed but she wriggles so much and frankly I would rather she doesn't get used to this, she isn't sleeping properly doing this anyway.

The last few nights we have had to wait until she's asleep before we leave her room (never had to do this before) but then she wakes up wanting us to stay until morning. Our room is just across the hall but she says she wants someone in her room all night. We respond if she is upset from a bad dream etc she has a nightlight, we asked her why she wants us there all night and she replied she just does.

We don't mind staying with her to fall asleep but it's the night wakings that are a problem in that she will not settled unless we stay and we have older dc to think of as she will literally scream the house down at 1am if we try to leave. Luckily other dc sleep on a different floor but still worry it will disturb them. Should we just keep returning and back to bed?

I don't know how much more we can take, the last two years have been hard for us maritally and we were just enjoying getting some time back together, I know it sounds selfish but we have to think of the bigger picture and dd understands we will always come to her and comfort her if she is scared after a bad dream etc but she is just using her will to try and get us basically camping out in her room I think and it's not good for anyone.

Sorry so long thanks for reading and my sympathies so anyone else going through similar at the moment

I haven't done this so my advice is probably fairly useless, but I think you need to get her used to falling asleep alone. She's old enough to understand that you're going to be there when she wakes up in the morning and that leaving the room doesn't mean leaving forever. I think lots of people are amazingly kind with the amount of time they'll give up to gently get their kids to sleep, but honestly sometimes I think a bit of 1990s style parenting wouldn't go amiss.

Give her things to play with (non screens) in her room so she doesn't have to go to sleep if she's not tired, but set the expectation that this is your and DH time now, and that you're not going to cater to her.

Failing that, do they still make drowsy piroton for kids?!

Thanks for your response and for being honest. I'm going to have a chat with dd later today and explain expectations etc

Honestly, I think this is really tough with an only child. I haven’t found the solution either.

This probably wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea but we had this issue (except that DS has always been a bad sleeper) and in the end we brought his bed into our bedroom. We all sleep together, there's no one wriggling around keeping others up and everyone is relatively well rested. We only have one child though so it's easy for us, and I kind of like having us all in one room (although I know lots of people would really hate this ).

I hope it gets easier for you soon. It's horrible when bedtime becomes a battle and everyone's tired and stressed out.

Speak to the Blissful Baby Expert, Lisa Clegg, she’s a miracle worker and is reasonably priced too!

Mine went through similar at 3-4 as he was scared of the dark. Got him a little nightlight which helped

We dealt with it by getting a small double, and snuggling down with the small child until they were asleep then leaving. A kindle or headphone and watching TV on your phone makes it quiet down time for you. Make sure the child gets lots of outdoor playtime too.

Thanks for the replies. Last night my husband stayed with her until she fell asleep and then came out (we had told her in advance we would be doing this) and then she slept until 1am when she woke screaming and ended up in our bed.

For those who have stayed until their child is asleep, do you not find they wake in the night afterwards? And the poster who mentioned her sons bed is in their bedroom, how does it work when it is his bedtime but you don't want to go to bed yet?

We have admitted defeat somewhat and set up our bed so she can join us in the night on the condition she starts the night in her own bed. I feel selfish saying it but we need at least a few hours to ourselves at the end of the busy day. Our mental health has suffered during the pandemic as it has for so many and we need to do this for our sanity to be honest. We don't have the energy for sleep'training' etc this time around, ot worked well for our older child but this time around we have to think about their sleep also can't see how we can have lots of screaming in the night. I just hope we are not setting up long term problems.

My daughter was a great sleeper until she got separation anxiety. From age 7ish she's had periods of sleeping in my bed, sleeping on the floor in my room, in the hallway, in her room near the door, and times when she sleeps in her own bed. I know she's a different age (she's nearly 10) but it's really not a huge deal. It's just sleeping. Do what you have to to all get some sleep.

Both mine went through this.

We were fully prepared to be harsh and say that they had to be in their room and we'd put them back to bed if they woke up.

We also introduced a star chart. For every night they stayed in their bed, they got a star. After a week they got a treat. My youngest still talks about how she earned her Elsa bag by staying in bed all night.