Feeling a bit sorry for myself (TW suicide mentioned)

[TheRainbowsLove]

I’m stuck in isolation alone with a 6 year old, my ExH is apparently positive (less than 24 hours after contact with DD ) and both my parents are covid deniers so insist I just “get on with it” and take DD out. They won’t help me with isolation as they’re both unvaccinated.

So I feel extremely depressed today. I’m not suicidal as such but just tired and fed up and wanting to escape – I could technically leave isolation as I’m testing negative but I won’t as I can’t leave DD home alone when she’s ill. I have depression, anxiety and PTSD so thats not helping my MH at all.

I have no-one to talk to. Todays Day 3 of isolation and DDs still getting a strong positive so I’m not hopeful of release on Friday or even Saturday.

DDs missing her extra curricular activities a lot, she does Rainbows and keeps talking about her gold. She’s missed too many to get her gold award and I don’t have the heart to tell her. She has only been to one since Christmas as they were closed first week back, and then the 2nd week she had a 24hour bug thing so did a 48 hour stay away from school/activities and went last week, obviously missed this week.

She will be gutted and will cry and get very very upset and it could knock her confidence when I tell her she hasn’t done enough for gold, as it wasn’t her fault. She’s 7 later in the year so goes to Brownies soon so no chance to make up for it.

She has SN so is struggling a lot with the home learning, she hates school in general anyway most days are a battle to get her there. She actually said to me that Rainbows is the only thing that makes her happy and she’s good at.

Her other two activities she’s none plussed about but Rainbows is the biggest love of her life, she’s grown in confidence so much since going. It really will break her to know she’s not done enough even though it’s not her fault.

Life just feels a bit miserable and s**t right now. I feel like the worst parent in the world because I couldn’t help her to get the one award she’s worked all year for.

Please give me a kick up the backside, I know I am very UR.

It's bloody hard work! My DD has Covid and we're on day 2. I'm losing my sanity trying to work, from home, homeschool and care for my disabled and chronically ill DP (his carers can't come with. Covid in the house). My DD is not remotely ill and has way too much energy and is bored.

The days just drag on forever don't they, despite being chaotic and busy? I'm trying to focus on the fact there's an end date and take it hour by hour. Some are horrendous, others not so bad

Ahhh you're not being UR, all of that is just a bit shit and you're allowed to feel miserable about it!

Your poor DD - could you speak to the Rainbow leader and see if there's anything she could do to earn 'extra credit' from home for the gold award hall? It was a very very very long time ago I was a (Brownie) leader but I'd have tried to help if I could in this circumstance. Plus it'd give her something to be doing (and a distraction for you in helping her, maybe)?

Sorry to hear of your predicament. Could you contact rainbows and ask if there’s anything she can do at home to work towards gold or an equivalent? Given the situation surely they’ll not be that strict!

She's done her interest badges, all 12 of them! She's just going to meetings to do the skills builders badges/unit meetings to get the Theme Awards, she's got two themes left to get her gold, she already has Bronze and Silver.

I spoke to the leaders but they said there's no other way of doing it as they no longer do online meetings. They also don't do a theme in the final term, they do other things instead like walks and trips, sometimes they can link it to a theme but they don't link it in until September time so DD will have left by then.

DDs quite poorly with it, sleeping a lot, very quiet, and not eating much so I just think it's going to knock her even more at a time when she's feeling rubbish.

I just feel gutted for her.

ah no kick up the backside from me OP. Instead take a virtual hug.

It is a shitty place you are in, lonely and stressful. Try to be kind to yourself please. Is there anyone you can do a long call with - just for a chat, and a different voice? Can you take and DD take a walk somewhere that is more isolated? Sometimes just fresh air is enough to get us feeling better.

As to the gold, explain to her that the entire planet has missed things this year. Everybody is in this situation in one way or another. Nothing can be done. It is tough, but it is not anyone's fault. She is 7 - she'll be able to understand that. Anyway, it is a bit poor if there are no provisions in place given covid and the fact it has affected everyone, not just her. Talk to her leader?

Feel better, hang in there, and hope DD gets over this soon.

@2018SoFarSoGreat

ah no kick up the backside from me OP. Instead take a virtual hug.

It is a shitty place you are in, lonely and stressful. Try to be kind to yourself please. Is there anyone you can do a long call with - just for a chat, and a different voice? Can you take and DD take a walk somewhere that is more isolated? Sometimes just fresh air is enough to get us feeling better.

As to the gold, explain to her that the entire planet has missed things this year. Everybody is in this situation in one way or another. Nothing can be done. It is tough, but it is not anyone's fault. She is 7 - she'll be able to understand that. Anyway, it is a bit poor if there are no provisions in place given covid and the fact it has affected everyone, not just her. Talk to her leader?

Feel better, hang in there, and hope DD gets over this soon.

@2018SoFarSoGreat Unfortunately the nature of where I live means I'd be in areas used by other households so risk passing covid on and I don't own my own car so isolated walks would be impossible.

So I had to tell her about Rainbows and Gold as I realised if she's not negative in the next few days she will miss next week as well.

She shouted at me, told me it wasn't fair and how could she show she is good at it without her gold. Told me it's the only thing she's good at and there's no point going now then slammed her bedroom door.

I left her to calm down and went into her room an hour or so later and she'd fallen asleep so I think it took it out of her. Will have another chat tomorrow.

I feel awful for her that I couldn't protect her from it so she could get her gold

And no I don't blame the fantastic volunteers, what they've done for her confidence and self esteem has been fantastic and I am forever grateful for them giving her something to be proud of as she does really hate school (has told me this week while off she's loved being off school and hopes to never go back).