Ex has cancelled DD's counselling as a way to control me

[scarvesandsocks]

I'm feeling really upset about this. My ex is a very controlling and manipulative person. I've suffered lots of abuse since I was pregnant with DD. She is now 10 and has lots of issues- mainly as a result of him.

I spent ages planning and researching for an appropriate counsellor to help her through a hard time.

Unfortunately the only appointment I could get was on a day she's with her dad. I decided to be up front about it, and said I would pick her up from school so I could take her to the appointment.

I shared the counsellor's website with him which was also a mistake, as he contacted the counsellor directly to say she won't be doing any sessions with her. Because he disagrees with it.

He has also persuaded DD to say no to any counselling sessions. I actually feel sick and I don't know what to do, as she is now more messed up than ever and I really don't know where to turn for help with this.

To make matters worse, she was really pleased to be picked as a mind mentor at school this year - and attended training on helping other pupils. But now he's convinced her that counselling is bad and not allowed, so it is really messing with her head.

@scarvesandsocks

Thanks all. He is really damaging to her, that is just one example. But it is hard to put it into words and it feels like other bodies like school and GP don't want to discriminate against the dad, so I have never known how to go ahead doing anything about it.

I'm scared of messing dd up more. Now she is scared and knows to say no to counselling, so I don't know about doing that with GP.

I'm also scared of family court as a friend's ex has been in trouble with the police a lot, and after a court order has the same amount of contact as my DD's dad. So I was scared that by going to court he'd end up with more contact.

I don't really know where to turn for support

I know family courts are far from perfect, but I really think they will take a dim view of him denying your daughter the help she needs. They should see it as you prioritising your child and him sabotaging it. I saw "should" because there are no guarantees, but if you really can't find any other appointments then it may be your only option.

Keep all communications that you have had with your ex and document the details as much as possible. Courts like dates and times and concrete evidence.

I agree with @ Viviennemary He has a point even though he may have gone about it in the wrong way.

Also, given you know how controlling he is, booking counselling on his day could be seen as you deliberately trying to provoke him.

I certainly wouldn’t be arranging private counselling for your DD without some GP input though, and her being a mind mentor for other damaged children is most definitely not appropriate.