Should I find a friend with benefits

[Emily19105]

Hi
I'm 29 and a single mother of a toddler DD. Despite having a child, I've never actually had a long term relationship. My little girl is the result of a one night stand at a party. I would love to meet someone eventually and know what all that feels like, but realistically, I can't see that happening that now. I want to have sex though and have been considering finding a friend with benefits. I'm quite inexperienced but strangely, since having my child I am more confident about my body than ever. Would this not end well? Would I end up becoming attached to the FWB? How do I even find one?! Advice appreciated!

It would be someone you're already friends with and trust. Otherwise it's just casual sex with a relative stranger which I pass no judgement on, it's just less safe.
Tinder would be the way to go I think.

It won’t end well is a much higher chance than it going good.

On those sites, the men that are just looking for sex, your like meat to them, and that’s how they treat you.

If you still want to do it, the vision and role play in your head of what it’s like is nowhere near close!!

Never give out your home address or any details you don’t want them to have, including photos and videos as it could go horribly wrong on the first meet.

They lie too, like age and being married or whatever.

Your better off with a friend who you already know and is happy too, rather than on a dating site

Pretty unsafe especially if you have a child unless it’s somebody you already know. It’s not something you should be looking for on the internet really.

I wouldn’t, ime it’s mostly women who end up getting feelings and men just wanting sex yes I’m sure people will be along to tell me it was the man who got feelings for them but I think that’s far less comment and ime it’s usually the woman who wants more and the man that doesn’t. Up to you if you can do it without feelings involved but I couldn’t. Most likely as well if you use tinder etc you will find men that will sleep with you once then ghost

If you have the right person it can be a brilliant set up. I've had a FWB for several years now. Set up totally suits us both. We're friends first & foremost though

We discussed the 'rules' at the start & several years down the line its still working

You'll get people telling you not to do it because one of you always ends up wanting more. Thats not the case. The hardest part is definitely finding the right person though

Comment should be common!*

I met some decent people on dating sites. They're not all trash but you have to have your wits about you. Some of them became fwb situations, others I dated for a bit, eventually found "the one" on tinder of all places. Trust your gut and keep your guard up.

You'll get people telling you not to do it because one of you always ends up wanting more. Thats not the case

It does happen, go on the relationships board there are frequent posts from women who’ve developed feelings for their fwb but he doesn’t want more.

I found it worked well for me. My particular friend was (is we are both now married to other people and faithful) an exceptionally good communicator. Talking to him generally helped me realise some of my weak areas in other relationships and meant we could just be very clear all the time about where we were 'at'. Including talking through his feelings (he did experience some jealousy but about the relationship rather than me) when I quite quickly found 'the one'. Ours was made easier by end date as he moved away and we both knew that was happening. I literally helped him move too.

I'm absolutely convinced you need to be genuinely great at talking.

It does happen, go on the relationships board there are frequent posts from women who’ve developed feelings for their fwb but he doesn’t want more

Yes i know that & I'm not disputing it does happen but it's not a foregone conclusion it will. Some people will develop feelings but others won't & itll ge successful

(we did already know each other).

How would it work with your kids being at home? If you would have to go to yours, are you comfortable having a relative stranger in your home while your kids are asleep? If you have to go to his, have you got a babysitter or do the kids go to their other parents?
I had a few FWB after I had the kids, but they were all men I've known for several years as friends anyway.
I don't think I'd have been as comfortable with someone off a dating site.

Depends what you really want in your heart! If you long for a real relationship a FWB is likely to make you feel shit about yourself. Also if it will impact on your child you might want to be very careful about who you let into your life.

@loloballlolo

Depends what you really want in your heart! If you long for a real relationship a FWB is likely to make you feel shit about yourself. Also if it will impact on your child you might want to be very careful about who you let into your life.

Agree with @loloballlolo

If you want an exclusive relationship, hold out for that, and don't accept anything less

IME it's hard not to catch feelings if he is nice, hot and the sex is amazing and regular.

It certainly isn't an easy option.

Could you try dating in a normal kind of way?

Or a friend?

Fwb can work, but the vast majority of the time (my own experience and friends) you find that one person ends up with stronger feelings than the other. Unless you can totally dis-attach yourself from sex emotionally, you might find yourself thinking about them all the time, while they're just thinking it's sex.

If you want to have a relationship, rather than sex, I'd wait. I waited a year, despite really having a need for intimacy and opportunity for sex, but it was worth it.

Go on a couple of dates, see how you'd feel if you just slept with them and didn't do the other bits such as going out for the day.